Left Alone, to be Together
by LoveHGSS
Summary: Both Jasper and Bella are left behind, and love eventually blossoms. Rated M for later chapters. R&R. First Twific!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer - I own nothing in the world of Twilight, it all belongs to Stephanie Meyer and company.

Summary - The Cullens, sans Jasper, leave Bella. Because of Alice leaving him, Jasper stays behind, unsure what else to do. Love blossoms somewhere along the way. Not compliant after the first few chapters of New Moon. Non-canon, OOC. I like my Bella a little more confident; not so obsessive and needy. Rated M for sexual content, eventually.

Going to be a chaptered story, but I don't set times and days for updates, sorry. It won't be updated every week by any means, but I just wanted to see if I should even bother. Review and let me know if you'd like more chapters!

**Jasper's POV**

_Breathe._

The wind whipped by me at what felt like a hundred miles an hour, the forest around me blurring into nothing but a green and brown mess. I took lungful after lungful of crisp evening air, allowing the previous smell that had overtaken me to fade into nothingness. If I had a human heart, it probably would be beating at a pace that would surely cause a heart attack. I couldn't even think clearly; all I could focus on was breathing, however unnecessary, and attempting to get as much distance between me and the source of the smell.

_Bella_.

I couldn't help but increase my pace even more, just the mere thought of her propelling me further and further away. I counted my inhales and then multiplied the number by itself on the exhale, strictly trying to keep my brain focused on anything but her. I actually made it to seventeen million, six hundred forty eight thousand, four hundred and one, which would be four thousand, two hundred and one inhales, before I slowed to a jog, which, in human pace, would have been a very fast run.

_Her blood_.

Mid-stride, I fell to my knees and pulled up earth as I skidded to a stop some five feet away from where I had initially dropped. My face fell into my hands and I could feel my body begin to convulse with sobs, but my eyes betrayed me by not allowing the tears to fall, as they would have if I were human. On second thought, I was surprised tears of sorrow, guilt, regret, shame, were not leaking from every pore on my body. The gravity of what I had done, along with what I would have done, was beginning to sink in, and the only thing I wanted, more than anything, was to be human again… to be able to release this bomb that now resonated in my stomach. Right now, I wanted nothing more than to die some kind of horrible painful death. Perhaps that would be a fitting punishment for my crime.

_Edward._

I could feel his trepidation before I heard him. He was attempting to contain his anger – no, fury – but was doing a poor job of it. I tried to calm myself, but I couldn't. Here I was, the chill pill, losing my composure completely. Edward was close enough to hear my thoughts and I felt the fury die down to anger, then to confusion, and by the time he placed his hand on my shoulder, concern. My mouth open with a gut wrenching sob and words just began to tumble out.

_Regret._

I spoke in every language I knew, repenting to Edward, apologizing and begging for forgiveness. I told him how stupid, weak, and pathetic I was. I told him that I knew he could never fully forgive me, and just to tear me apart and set me ablaze awhile he had the chance to. I felt my dead heart shattering as I confessed my idiocy and grief over the pain I know I've caused my entire family, Bella being first and foremost. I was thankful that he just stood there and listened, his hand never straying from my shoulder as I blubbered on.

_Alice_.

I'm not sure whether it was because her emotions were the same as Edward's, or perhaps it was just because I was too wrapped up in my own feelings to notice, but suddenly Alice was there when I finished and I wasn't sure how long she had actually been standing there. My emotions were still too out of control to completely gauge hers, but for some reason, I felt a little scared. She seemed to be closing off her emotions, something she very rarely did. Her lithe body was suddenly mirroring my position, her face a few inches from mine.

Her hands slid up my arms before covering my hands, gently removing them from my face to look in my eyes. Typically, Alice has an impeccable ability to calm me with just a look, but for some reason I was suddenly unnerved. I felt Edward's hand tighten on my shoulder. I opened my mouth to ask her what was wrong, but she just shook her head.

_Clarity._

"I'm sorry I didn't warn you, Jazz," she said in a low voice.

"How could you have known?" I asked.

"I," Alice started, but then paused, looking to Edward for assistance.

"Jasper, Alice had an interesting vision while wrapping Bella's present," he began. "She saw that Bella would get a paper cut, but couldn't gauge either of our reactions. She decided that you were strong enough to handle that, but it was my fault that you lost control."

"How could you ever blame yourself, Edward?" I asked, not understanding.

"I pushed her into the table, Jasper," he murmured. "I have a feeling you probably could have controlled yourself just fine. But when her arm slit, you could feel everyone's instant thirst, and I'm sure that was more than anyone could take."

I hadn't thought of that. It was true that I was washed with an insatiable thirst for her in that moment, but I never stopped to think it could be for reasons other than just my inability to control myself.

"We're leaving," Alice said, her sing-song voice no longer bubbly, but deadly serious. I simply just stared, unsure what she meant. She answered my unasked question. "The whole family is leaving, Jasper. Edward no longer wants to feel as though he is putting Bella in permanent danger and –."

"I'll leave," I said, interrupting her. "Not everyone, just me. I don't want to be the reason we emotionally kill Bella. It's me who needs to leave. Edward shouldn't leave Bella."

"I want to," Edward said from behind me. "No matter if it's just you or all of us, if I don't leave, Bella will never be safe. It has nothing to do with you Jasper, this isn't the reason. I was planning on leaving anyway."

"But you'll kill her," I said bluntly, and I felt both Edward and Alice cringe.

"No," Alice said slowly, "she'll be okay."

"How can you say that?" I asked, becoming angry that they didn't understand the gravity of Bella's love. "I've felt her emotions when around Edward, and they're full of nothing but devotion and love. I've also felt her when she thought she could potentially never see him again, and I could practically feel her heart breaking from there mere thought of it."

"Jasper," Alice whispered, "I've seen it. She'll be okay."

I was beginning to get even more frustrated now, and all I wanted was to go back a hundred and fifty years or so in order to wake up from this nightmare. "How will she be okay, Alice?"

"Because she'll have you."

"Yes, but…," I started but then stopped. The words had left my mouth before I had actually heard her, and I had to take a moment to recollect my thoughts. "What do you mean she'll have me?"

"I saw you coming with us, but your guilt was too much and you came back here," Alice said clearly. "I saw you begging for forgiveness, which is unnecessary, by the way. She thinks that there's nothing to forgive… odd girl, she is," Alice said mystically.

It all finally clicked into place. "Let me get this straight, then," I said, releasing Alice's hand and standing up, shaking off Edward's hand. "Basically you're telling me that _you all_ are leaving… meaning everyone but me."

"Yes," Alice said simply, and I could feel Edward's awkwardness seeping from him behind me.

"How could you do that, Alice?" I asked, my non-existent heart officially tattered.

"Jazz, I love you, I do, but we weren't meant to be together," she said simply, as though I already knew it. "I couldn't see this far ahead, but I knew we needed to be here, and I brought you here. I'm happy with the life that we shared together, but it's time for it to be over."

So fast I almost didn't see her, she closed the distance between us and stood on her toes to wrap her arms around my neck. I didn't hug her back. "How could you do this to me, Alice?"

"Because," she whispered against my neck, "it's time to move on. We've been together the normal human amount of time, and I _know_ we'll be better off this way. I love you, Jasper."

"I love you, too," I replied automatically. I suddenly realized this could potentially be our last hug and I instantly wrapped my arms around her, pressing her against me as hard as I could. "Please don't do this, sweetheart, please. I love you so much. Please don't leave me. I don't think I can be without you." I knew begging wasn't the most attractive thing, but in that moment I didn't care; in that moment, I was losing my wife and anything would have been acceptable to me.

"Oh, Jasper, it seems horrible, but it'll all work out. Trust me. I love you, too, baby, but it's time." She pulled back and kissed me soundly on the mouth before practically dancing out of my arms.

I stood there, unmoving, my arms still outstretched, and watched Alice take Edward's hand as they began running. For the first time, I _felt_ like I didn't have anything inside my body; I felt so… _empty_. I felt as though I had no veins, no blood, no heart. And for the first time, I was betting against Alice.

_A/N - My very first Twilight fanfiction! Wow! I have a terribly unhealthy obsession with Jasper (and with the actor who plays him in the movies, go figure), and I decided to challenge myself with a Bella/Jasper fic. Take two seconds out to review please!!_


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephanie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper.

Love and thanks to everyone who reviewed chapter one!

**Bella's POV**

One year, four months, two weeks, five days, one hour, and roughly ten minutes; that's how long it had been since the Cullens left. Not that I was counting. Charlie was still worried about me, that much was obvious. Every day when he left for work, he'd kiss my forehead and give me a look that spoke volumes. I could tell that he was thinking that someday I'd just snap and do something stupid, like drive my truck off a cliff or leave without a second glance back. He blamed Edward completely. I, on the other hand, blamed myself just as much as him most of the time.

But what no one understood was that it wasn't just about Edward leaving, because I somewhat understood his reasons.

Somewhat.

There had always been this underlying tension between us that I hadn't really noticed until he was gone. At first, I was so devastated that I was incapable of realizing it, but it didn't take long for me to see the truth. I had never questioned his love for me, though, because I knew that was real, but I also knew that he couldn't stand having me around. It wasn't as though he didn't _want_ me; he just couldn't deal with the guilt and regret that I had been causing him. Edward and I were never meant to be together, no matter how strong our love was. It didn't exactly set well with me, but I had to live with it.

Like I was saying, no one understood that it wasn't just Edward leaving that upset me – it was the family as a whole. I had lost Alice, who was quickly becoming something of a best friend. There was also Carlisle and Esme, who were the most wonderful, normal parents, comparatively speaking. Not to mention Emmett, the older brother I'd always hoped for, even though he could be a little overbearing. Although Rosalie and I never got along, I still found a piece of me missing her.

Then there was Jasper.

I worried about him so badly sometimes. Everyone always acted as though he was so out of control, yet I had only seen him lose his composure once, and that wasn't even his fault. I had thought about him most of all. It's probably because I had always felt so guilty about being human and stupid. I felt bad about that in regards to Edward also, but I knew that he'd be able to move on more quickly than Jasper.

Alice had told me so.

She had called a week after they left, explaining exactly what had happened that night, and I asked her if Edward would ever come back. She told me no. I asked her if Edward and I were going to be happy, not being together. Alice said that we would, and I had mixed emotions about that; I was sad because I wouldn't have Edward, but relieved, because I would never bet against Alice. We had talked for awhile, about nothing in particular, and I eventually asked if I could speak with Jasper, to tell him that I was sorry. She told me that he wasn't available, but perhaps I would speak with him later. I wasn't exactly sure what she meant by that, for he never called me back, nor was he there the one other time that I had spoken to Alice.

It had been a normal Friday, nothing particularly interesting happening, and I was just enjoying the quiet. Charlie had called right as I walked in door, asking if I would be too upset if he went fishing with a few guys from the department. I told him to go, joking that we only had enough fish in the big freezer to last a lifetime. He had gone quiet, obviously not getting my joke. I made a few more awkward comments before reassuring him and hanging up, sighing as I placed the receiver down. Charlie was still very reluctant to go fishing after the Cullens had left, afraid to leave me alone longer than absolutely necessary.

Had the Cullens been here and Edward's absence been caused by a hunting trip, I probably would have called Jess, but she was too busy trying to get Mike back. That was fine; I wasn't in the mood for gossip anyway. Eric and Angela had grown closer, barely taking time away from the other, so I didn't even bother to try and call her. I sighed again, suddenly wishing that I'd asked Charlie to come home, but I didn't want to worry him… again.

He was probably the biggest contributing factor in my getting over Edward. He was my dad and I loved him. I didn't want him to be just as miserable as I was. We had just sat around the house after the Cullens had left in awkward silences, barely looking at each other. We would make small talk, and he had tried once or twice to talk about Edward, but somehow we always got off that topic rather quickly. He'd always ask about my other friends, wondering when I was going to 'chill with the old crew again'. I wanted my dad to be happy again, and when I realized that my happiness would make him happy, I had started to make some big changes.

I quickly realized the best thing to was turn my attention to anything other than Edward leaving. I had finally started to fill out the scrapbook my mother had given me for my birthday, which proved as a great distraction. I hadn't actually seen it in quite some time, so I decided to go looking for it. It took nearly an hour, but I eventually found it, hidden in some corner of my closet. I grasped the dusty scrapbook before sitting down in front of my bed, rummaging through it.

Tears stained my eyes as I sat on my wooden floor, flipping through the many memories over the last year and a half. I finally settled on the very last picture, my eyes brimming until the tears spilled over, running down my cheeks. It was a picture of Edward and me, both of us looking unhappy; me at Alice for taking the picture, Edward at the fact that he couldn't protect me. That was what I was assuming, anyway.

But what hurt me the most was what I found in the background of the picture. Jasper was standing just off to my left side, behind us. He looked sad and lonely, standing there by himself, his eyes trained on the back of my head. I remember him sending waves of calm at me that night, knowing I hated the attention of my birthday.

I missed him.

I missed his quiet humor, the way he could literally calm me with just one look, even if he wasn't using his gift.

"Bella," I heard from behind me. It was soft and nearly inaudible, and there was no mistaking it was Jasper's voice.

Great, now I was going crazy.

I hiccupped in a breath, pushing his voice from my mind. He had such a sensual voice, the southern drawl still obvious, but he always spoke so quietly that you couldn't really hear it. Yet there I was, hearing it as clear as day.

_I'm losing my mind._

I had only heard his voice in my dreams, always fleeting but leaving its mark. Never in the light of day had I imagined his voice so clearly, or felt his hand on my shoulder.

Wait. His hand… on my shoulder?

_Oh, God, Bella, you're losing it completely!_

"Bella?"

A wave of calm washed over me, the tears that had been flowing down my face came to an abrupt halt, and I couldn't help but release a heavy, relaxed breath.

"Jasper," I whispered, unable to stop it.

Sudden realization hit me, and I bolted to my feet clumsily, flailing as I nearly tumbled back to the ground. Strong hands grasped my upper arms, steadying me as my eyes readjusted from the spinning. A gasp left my throat as I took him in, standing directly in front of me, his blonde curls looking decidedly disheveled and his topaz eyes wide and worried.

Jasper's mouth opened slightly, as though he were about to say something, bright white teeth showing behind his plump, pink lips. His sweater was a medium blue, the cuffs and collar white, his pants black and smooth. After looking him over, I didn't think before throwing myself at him, my arms circling around his midsection, fisting the shirt that clung to his form as my cheek slammed into his hard chest.

I heard his sharp intake of breath before he ceased breathing altogether. I didn't care either way. He could have killed me in that moment; the undeniable joy I felt completely took over any sense of caution.

With trepidation, I felt Jasper's arms slide around my shoulders, effectively hugging me back. His head slowly turned, his cheek eventually ending up on top of my head as he held my tighter. The calmness that he had been projecting slowly lifted, and I assumed that he was trying to read my emotions again. I started to cry, both happy and sad tears, but he didn't stop them this time. We stood there for an immeasurable amount of time, my tears soaking his shirt as he slowly ran a hand down the back of my hair in a comforting gesture.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said after a long time, and I could hear his pain dripping from every word he spoke.

I shook my head against his chest, my arms tightening around him. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was," he replied, his hand tangling within my hair. "I started it; he would have never pushed you into that table if I hadn't –"

"Jasper," I said quietly, cutting him off. "Alice told me it wasn't your fault, and I believe her." I felt him stiffen when I said her name. "Where is Alice?"

"When was the last time you talked to her?" he asked, still frozen in my arms.

"Just after you all left, and about eight months ago, why?" I asked, confused.

"I never went with them," he said bluntly, his jaw clenching against my head. "Alice told me to stay, knowing that I would feel too guilty to be with them for long. She left me, saying we were over."

"Oh, Jasper," I whispered, the hurt in his voice breaking my heart. "I'm so sorry."

I felt him sag against me slightly, breathing out a long sigh. "It's better this way, I suppose," he said quietly.

I could hear the lie in his voice.

"Have you been here all this time?" I asked.

"No," he answered, his breathing stopping again. "At first, I searched for them, going to all the places I thought she might be, but I never found anyone. I talk to everyone one still, but Alice wants space to allow me to get used to my 'new life', as she calls it, before we see each other again."

"You miss her," I said, unthinking.

"I miss all of them," he replied. "I don't miss her as my wife as much as I do as my friend. I can manage the end of a relationship between us, but I don't want to lose my family." He paused then, and I could tell he was very hesitant when he finally spoke again. "Do you miss him?"

I thought about that for a few moments, not sure exactly how to put my answer into words. "Sometimes," I said finally. "Certain things remind me of him and I start to miss him. I do occasionally miss being with him, but I've missed all of you."

"Even me?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes," I admitted in a quiet voice. "Especially you."

"Even though I tried to kill you, Bella?" he asked, stunned.

"Yes," I said again. "I've probably thought about you the most, Jasper, and I didn't want you to feel guilty, because nothing happened. You didn't hurt me, you didn't kill me, and I'm fine."

He went quiet, but we continued to stand there, holding each other as if we had never broken the silence. The sun started to go down, slowly turning the room darker. My legs were tired, but Jasper held me so tightly that it kept me upright, with barely any of my weight on them.

Jasper's scent was different than Edward's, not quite as strong, but much better. He smelled manly, like freshly mowed gross, cotton, a very faint scent of wood, as well as something sweet that I couldn't quite put my finger on. He was cold and hard as stone, but somehow comfortable and warming, both mentally and physically. I shifted my head slightly, rubbing my cheek on the soft fabric of his sweater, taking a deep breath, my eyes fluttering as I received an overwhelming abundance of his scent.

The next thing I knew, the alarm beside my bed went off, and my eyes darted open.

Wait, open? When had I fallen asleep?

I slapped my hand over the 'sleep' button before surveying my surroundings. I was in my bed, underneath my covers, and still dressed. I groaned, rubbing my eyes, thinking that it had all a dream. I turned and was about to pull the covers over me when I saw a piece of paper on the pillow next to me. The handwriting was one I did not recognize. As I reached out to grab it, I realized I was clutching a very soft blue material. I brought the shirt to my face, and I instantly knew that I had not been dreaming at all.

I held up the paper, turning it towards the light in order to read it.

_Bella,_

_I apologize for my emotional return, and I hope this letter finds you well rested. You fell asleep in my arms at about midnight. I didn't think it would be a particularly comfortable position, so after awhile I put you in your bed – I hope you don't mind. I left about three hours after you had fallen asleep, not sure whether or not I should be there when you woke up. I'm staying at the old house, if you'd like to stop by; anytime is fine with me. I can understand if you don't want to see me, and, if you don't, I'll make sure that we never cross paths again, because the last thing I want is for me to cause you any more pain. My cell number is at the bottom, in case you do come by and I'm not here. I shouldn't ever be too far from the house, and I'll promptly return if you call. Oh, and the sweater? You don't have to return it if you don't want to._

_Yours truly,_

_Jasper_

My heart raced as I fumbled to get out of the blankets. I fell to the floor, even after putting up a darn good fight with my bedding. I got dressed in a rush, not really paying attention to what I was putting on. I tore down the stairs, only stumbling down the last few steps, grabbed my keys, and zoomed out the door. I barely had time to glance at the note plastered on the door. It was from Charlie, informing me that he was going out fishing again, and probably wouldn't be back until after dark.

_**A/N**__ - The biggest thank you possible to sparagus for both beta-ing and putting up with my inability to do things correctly the first time, haha. Seriously, had it not been for her, this chapter would have been … terrible._

_Review please!!_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephanie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper.

Endless love and thanks to everyone who has reviewed and/or added this to their favorites and alerts.

The biggest thank you in the world to my beta Sarah, who reminded me to write with passion and heart.

**Jasper's POV**

I felt… clean.

I couldn't think of a more appropriate word to describe the liberating feeling that had washed over me when I ran back to the old house. Not only had I somewhat come to terms with the fact that Alice did not want to be with me, but also with the fact that I did not kill Bella, and she wasn't mad at me whatsoever.

I didn't even remember having made the decision to actually go to her house; I was just suddenly there. I was lucky enough that I had hunted just before arriving. The animal blood in my system helped to keep me in control of the slight burn in my throat. However, I doubted that I would have wanted to attack her. I couldn't explain _why_ exactly; maybe it was because I didn't have anyone else wanting to suck her dry around me.

I couldn't help but chuckle at remembering her wide range of emotions. At first it was a heavy sadness while she looked at the picture of her and Edward; the emotion was so strong that I couldn't help but say something. When I said her name the first time, she was full of self-doubt, her sadness growing so high that I could no longer take it, so I touched her shoulder. I tried my best not to laugh as shock and wonderment filled her while she stumbled around, failing to get her footing.

I hadn't meant to be that close to her, but her safety came before my own feelings, and I couldn't bring myself to regret it because of what happened just after. Bella had held me so _closely_, and I couldn't find it in me to burst the bubble that had formed around us. She was happy, content, and sad all at the same time. I had encountered millions of emotions of all different strengths and mixtures, but Bella's left me completely blank. I was unable to project anything. I could only guess that it was because, in that moment, my emotions were utterly attuned to hers.

I stopped breathing once her arms wrapped around me, not quite trusting myself. However, when I did inhale, her scent was exquisite. It hadn't been as overwhelming as I had expected it to be, even with her in such close proximity. She smelled of springtime in full bloom and cinnamon, a combination I would have never thought to be so intoxicating.

I continued to breathe in her scent, surprised when it didn't make me thirsty. She smelled familiar and comfortable, and I couldn't help but think of better days. Her scent made me feel as though I was back at home in Texas, reminding me of that much needed cool breeze on a hot summer's day.

It was odd, however, the feel of her slight frame pressed against me. She was warm, which was astonishingly pleasant, as well as soft; it something I was not used to.

Her tears had drenched a large section of my shirt, the smell both salty and sweet. I shamefully thought it was Edward that she was thinking of as she hugged me – imagining it was him rather than me. I spoke only to remind her it wasn't him her arms were wrapped around, and I felt an odd sense of relief coming from her, as though my voice was just what she needed to hear.

It was nice to feel so needed. Alice had always been so independent that she hadn't ever really _needed_ me for anything. Even though I had never been around Bella for more than a few minutes at a time, I felt as if my presence was something that she needed in that moment.

I hadn't expected her to fall asleep, but it raised a feeling in me that I couldn't quite describe, knowing that she was comfortable and trusting enough to sleep in my arms. After having laid her in bed and maneuvered out of my sweater – she wouldn't let it go – I had started to walk away, but I felt her mood shift into worry and sadness.

I sat with her a little longer, sending out waves of calm until I was sure she would sleep through the night. Just as I was about to jump out of her window, I heard her sigh my name; it was barely audible to human ears, but I heard it loud and clear. I turned back one last time and saw her rolling onto her side, snuggling my sweater closer to her chest.

I wanted to wake her and talk more, but she needed her sleep, and I wasn't sure whether or not she'd even want see me again. I finally decided on just finding a piece of paper and a pen, quickly writing her out a note before leaving it on her pillow. I jumped out of the window and ran to the house.

It felt empty being in the big house all alone. It was a ridiculous observation, because it was quite obvious that the house was, indeed, empty, but it _felt_ empty. It no longer held that homey feeling without Emmett's booming laughter or Esme scolding us when we wrestled too close to her antiques. I walked about the house for the next few hours, slowly weaving through all the furniture. With the exception of Esme's favorite table, everything else was still there, just as it had been before everyone left.

When I went upstairs, I took the most time in Carlisle's study, thinking about all the time spent talking of everything and nothing. My hand brushed over the back of the leather chairs, wondering what he would have told me, if he'd been there at that moment. I wondered if he would have told me I was doing right thing, going back to see Bella. I eventually left his office to conquer the next obstacle.

The last room I came to was the room that I had shared with Alice. I hadn't been in it since they had all left. I had gone that same night, and hadn't been back here since. Just a few days ago, I had been in some part of Austria, when I decided to run back. I was shocked to find myself at Bella's house, but I couldn't say that I stayed that way for long. Alice had been right about the searing guilt I felt, especially over the last few months.

At first, the guilt didn't feel nearly as horrible as the hurt that my wife – ex-wife – had caused me. She'd chosen to leave me in a moment that I had felt my lowest, which only added to that pain. I had looked for my family for a year – searching every nook and cranny, but I came up empty handed. It was then that the guilt had started to creep up on me.

It was like molasses; slow moving, but once it settled, it was thick and heavy and suffocating. But still, in the back of my mind, Alice's words in woods were there, taunting me.

"_I'm happy with the life that we shared together, but it's time for it to be over."_

"_We've been together the normal human amount of time, and I _know_ we'll be better off this way."_

Sighing, I leaned my head against our bedroom door, closing my eyes and trying to push the images of her out of my mind. I had been telling myself that I hadn't missed the relationship, that I just missed my family. But I had been lying to myself. I truly did miss my wife.

_Ex_-wife.

That was going to take a long time to get used to.

Not only did I miss simply being able to touch her and hold her, but I also missed her little quirks. Even though I didn't feel as crushed as I had originally thought I would have been. In all fairness, I had gotten a bit obsessive, looking for her the way I did. But I had gotten quite a bit of frustration and anger I felt towards her out of my system. It had helped me let go of my failed relationship, leaving me with just an empty space within my heart. I still loved Alice, but it wasn't strong enough to want to be with her anymore. She had left me, and I just had to deal with that.

I had talked to the whole family, sans Edward, every few weeks, but I usually ended up talking to Carlisle and Esme instead of Alice. The few times that Alice and I had spoken, the conversation was easy and flowing, neither one of us talking about anything other than our everyday lives. Only once did she say that she saw me looking for her, but that I needed to let it go, because all I was doing was fueling my anger, which shocked me into silence.

She sighed on the other end of the line, made a quick, mumbled apology and then handed the phone off to Esme. That had been the last time I'd spoken to her, and it was after that conversation that I went to Austria, taking my time to really think things through.

Eventually Alice's word got to me, and I decided to go back to the only place I had ever really considered "home".

Being with Bella seemed to make the pain go away. It hadn't left completely, but it had eased some of the hurt. Perhaps it was because checking up on her had eased my guilt, making me feel lighter. I had only thought of Alice once in the entire time that I was with Bella, and that was only because Bella had said something about her. I couldn't quite understand why I'd felt so comfortable hugging her, but I was fairly sure that I had needed that hug just as much as she had. I opened my eyes, determined now, the thought of Bella giving me the strength to face my own demons head on.

Light flooded into the room as I opened the door, my jaw clenching as I took it in. A massive canopy bed stood in the middle of the room with white coverings and white pillows. I'd always hated that bed, so pointless and bright, not my style at all; but _she_ hadn't cared about that. As I continued to look about the room, I realized that the ridiculously expensive oak dresser and three walk-in closets hadn't been my idea either. Actually, I hadn't picked out anything in the room. I had never been asked for my opinion; Alice had picked it out and set it up, telling me I'd get used to it.

All but one of the closets were empty. Alice had obviously taken her clothes, leaving mine behind. The one closet containing my clothing was another example of things that I hadn't ever actually liked; khakis that were too tight, polo shirts ranging in colors that I hated, dress shoes that were much to expensive for my liking. I hadn't lived in Texas for ages, but I was still a true southerner; I enjoyed wearing t-shirts, worn jeans, and a pair of old, comfortable boots. Of course there weren't many of _those_ items in my wardrobe.

Staring at the clothes that I couldn't stand to wear, I decided that I'd have to go shopping. I figured I could actually purchase things that _I_ liked for a change.

The more I moved around the impressively large room, the more I realized I had never really been part of a partnership. I supposed that a lot of that could be my fault, as I had went along with whatever Alice had said, because all I ever wanted was her happiness. The very thought made me wonder why she had never cared about _my_ happiness. I couldn't deny that she had saved me from a life that still haunted me, but as the years went on, we were more like two separate people living lives together.

Thinking that caused anger, which had become a reoccurring emotion for me lately, to flare up. My fists clenched and my jaw tightened, but my thought process was interrupted by tires on the gravel.

_Bella_.

There was no mistaking the loud rumble of her truck, the slow movements of the tires turning on the sharp curves. She probably wasn't going over twenty miles an hour, and I couldn't help but smile. She was driving so slowly, cautious as always, yet she was headed towards the most dangerous type of creature.

In a flash, I stripped myself bare, just to dress myself in the only comfortable pair of jeans I owned, and a grey sweater similar to the one I had been wearing last night. I ran downstairs, sitting on the sofa closest the door, wondering if she'd bring back my sweater, when I heard her turn onto the long driveway. I could feel nervousness and hesitation from here, so I decided to go outside and sit on the porch to wait for her.

Bella made her way up the last stretch of the drive, slowly parking behind my black Mustang. Her nerves quickly took a back burner to the excitement now filling her. I grinned crookedly at her as she turned off the engine, her eyes meeting mine when she returned my smile.

I tried my best to contain the laughter bubbling in my throat as she stepped out of the truck, her appearance clearly telling me she took off without so much as a backwards glance after finding my note. Her hair was sticking up everywhere; her eyes were still slightly drooping with tiredness. I did, however have to admire the tight denim pants and the very attractive white tank top she was wearing, even if it was inside out. She had always been pretty, but for some reason today she looked outright beautiful.

I briefly wondered where the sudden attraction came from, but couldn't really come up with an answer. I pushed aside the immediate guilt I'd felt at that attraction. I was single, after all, right? I shook my head slightly, reminding myself that my brother had shattered her heart. Thinking of her in a way that was not completely platonic was just outright ridiculous. Extremely ridiculous. I banished that thought and focused back on Bella.

She had paused after closing the door to her truck, squinting against the brightness of the day in spite of the clouds. She stood looking at me, a faint smile still on her face. I made slow, deliberate steps towards her, my eyes locking onto hers. She walked towards me after a moment, her eyes dropping to watch her steps, meeting me halfway down the cobblestone path. We both stopped, only a foot of space between us.

A gasp left her as she looked up to meet my eyes again just as the sun peeked around the clouds, hitting the right side of my body. Her hand instantly reached out, and I held my breath, watching as it came closer to my face. She seemed to snap out of some kind of trance, looking embarrassed as she pulled her hand back, but I was having none of that.

With speed too quick for Bella to follow, I grabbed her hand. Curiosity seeped from her as I bent slightly, bringing my lips to her knuckles, inhaling her sweet, calming scent as I kissed her warm flesh.

"Good mornin'," I greeted quietly.

"Morning," she responded, her wide eyes still watching me.

"Would you like to come in?" I asked, always the gentleman.

She silently nodded, so I maneuvered our hands so our palms were together. I grasped her hand lightly and led her into the house.

_A/N – Next chapter up sooner rather than later, I hope. Click the fancy little button and let me know what you thought! Thanks!_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper.

Just as a warning – this chapter, and possibly the next few, are going to be slightly redundant in Bella and Jasper's conversation when compared to their feelings, because they're telling each other things they've already thought. So, there will be new things, too, and eventually it will just go from the end of one chapter to the next, rather than repeating things that happened at the end of the previous chapter.

Thank you for reading, reviewing, and adding this story and/or me to your favorites and alerts. Tons of love and appreciation to all of you!

And as always, a massive thank you to my amazing beta reader, Sarah.

**Bella's POV**

When I got into my truck, my hands were trembling so badly that I could barely turn the key in the ignition. I was nervous, but excited. I had so many questions racing through my mind that I couldn't think correctly. What would he say? What would _I _say? Would he mention the sweater? Because I knew I wouldn't. Would he even be there? I eventually closed my eyes and took a few deep, calming breaths before trying the key again.

I imagined Jasper's soft, southern voice in my head, directing me as I drove to the familiar house. I pictured him sitting next to me, something I felt silly doing, but it helped me stay focused on the road instead of allowing my thoughts to get away from me again. As I neared the driveway, Edward's voice was suddenly loud within my thoughts.

"_Be careful, Bella. He can't control himself as easily as the rest of us do_."

I snorted at the voice. It showed what he knew. So far at least. I was sure that last night Jasper not once considered biting me. It was so stupid of me, putting myself well within 'biting range', but I instinctively trusted him. There was just something about his presence that had thrown every coherent thought I'd had out the window.

My heart pounded in my ears as I turned onto the long driveway, taking a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I parked behind a black car that I had never seen before, but I assumed it was Jasper's. I looked at the massive house as I shut off the engine and noticed that he was standing just in front of the stairs that lead to the porch.

He looked as though he had just walked away from a modeling gig. His fingers were hooked into the belt loops of his light colored jeans; the grey sweater he was wearing clung to his obviously toned torso. I blushed, thoughts of a very similar sweater stuffed beneath my pillow flashing through my mind. He smiled at me, the corners of his plump lips turning up, crinkling the edges of his bright eyes.

He really was beautiful.

I realized that he was watching me watch him. I stepped out of my truck, squinting as my tired eyes adjusted to the brightness of the morning. Jasper walked towards me and I looked to the ground as I started in his direction. Avoiding looking like an idiot was only part of the reason why I redirected my gaze. I was also terrified that he would see right through me. I didn't know if I was ready for Jasper to see the complete mess I was.

So, I took as many large, calming breaths as I could. I stopped when I saw his bare feet, no more than a foot from mine.

Crap, I had forgotten my shoes. I had been so distracted and so anxious I hadn't even felt the rocks beneath my feet until just then.

I bit the inside of my lip and finally decided to meet his eyes again, feeling only slightly calmer. Just as I looked up, the clouds shifted in the sky and sunlight washed over him, causing his pale skin to sparkle magnificently. I couldn't help but gasp at the beauty of it, my eyes widening as I saw hundreds of crescent moon shaped scars. The moment I saw them, I felt the need to try and pull them off of his skin. Not because they were ugly, but because I wanted to take away the pain that I knew had come with each one.

I was almost too late in noticing that my hand was about to touch his face, and I tried to pull it back, but suddenly my hand was in his. I held my breath, wondering what he was going to do. My knees trembled and my heart raced as he bent down and kissed my knuckles, his nostrils flaring slightly as he inhaled.

"Good mornin'," he said, that southern drawl making my heart beat faster.

"Morning," I replied breathlessly.

"Would you like to come in?" he asked quietly.

I was still too taken with his stunning, shimmering face to come up with a reply, so I just nodded, nearly toppling over as he turned my hand and fully took it into his own. I wasn't sure what had come over me, but I was staring at Jasper's firm buttocks as he led me up the stairs, the jeans fitting snuggly about his hips. Maybe that was what Edward meant, about how everything in regards to a vampire draws us humans in. Because right then, I was feeling very drawn to Jasper, and not just mentally, either.

We made it inside, and he guided me to the living room, waiting until I had sat down on one end of the couch before he took his seat on the other. His golden eyes met mine in a long, quiet gaze. I worried the inside of my cheek, wanting to say something, but not sure what I should say. Instead, I kept my eyes trained on his, noticing his topaz irises had a few bright specks that I had never noticed before.

"How are you?" he asked after a while, shifting so more of his body was turned towards me.

"Alright, I think," I said. "How are you?"

He looked at me intently, his eyes narrowing as though he were concentrating. "I won't hurt you," he said.

I gaped at him for a moment, shocked at his words. "I know that, Jasper," I said indignantly. "Why would you say that?"

"You're extremely nervous," he replied, almost cautiously.

I shrugged. "I'm always a little nervous, being in a place that holds so many wonderful, and terrible, memories," I explained.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking a little sheepish.

"For what?" I asked, very nearly rolling my eyes.

"For inviting you here," he said quietly. "I didn't think, and I apologize. I probably should have just come back to your house. I didn't realize that –"

"Jasper!" I said loudly, cutting off his rant. "It's not a big deal, really. If I didn't think I could handle it, I wouldn't have come."

He considered me for a moment. "Why did you come?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

I went through different reasons in my head, but decided to go with the one I thought wrapped it up the best. "I wanted to see you again."

"Why?" he asked immediately, his eyes narrowing again.

"Why did you come see me last night?" I asked defensively.

His face softened. "I don't know," he said, sounding upset. "One minute I was on my way back here, and the next I was standing in your bedroom."

"Oh," I said.

I didn't know what answer I had been hoping for, but it certainly wasn't that.

"It's not that I didn't want to see you, Bella, because I did," he said hastily, obviously sensing my disappointment. "I wanted to apologize and make things right between us, but I didn't intentionally go to your room. I'm happy I did though."

I couldn't help but smile. "You didn't answer my question." At his cocked eyebrow, I continued. "How are you?"

"Oh," he said, chuckling softly, "sorry. I'm doing better, now that I'm back here." He paused for a moment, shifting his body a little, looking a bit worried. "I went on a tour of my own home today, which was interesting."

I gave him a sympathetic look. "Are you sure you're alright, Jasper?"

He looked at me for a minute before replying. "I am," he said finally. "I don't know why I'm telling you all of this, but it really hurt, to see all of it, especially the bedrooms."

I understood and had to restrain myself from reaching out to take his hand. "You want to talk more about it?"

He shook his head no, but after a long pause, continued to talk anyway. "It's just hard, seeing the place where I have so many memories with Alice. It's not as though I want her back, because I don't think I could handle it after all of the things I've realized recently. Did you know that I never even picked out my own clothing when she and I were together?"

I felt my eyes widen when I realized that I was supposed to answer. "No," I said, my throat a little dry. "No, Jasper, I didn't."

He sighed, shaking his head again, his eyes on his lap. "I was just strung along, like a little play thing for her, trailing after her, nodding and saying 'yes, dear, of course,' to _anything_ she said."

I could sense that he was getting angry, but I didn't say anything. Instead, I mustered up the courage to reach the length of the cushion between us, and I lightly covered his now fisted hand with mine. I just couldn't stand not touching him when he was obviously in pain. His eyes met mine again, looking a little shocked. I was about to take my hand back when he encased my fingers in his, taking a deep breath before closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm rambling on, aren't I?" he asked, sighing.

"No," I said quickly. "Please keep talking. You need to get this out, Jasper, and if you're comfortable enough with me to do it, then please do."

He nodded slowly, looking as though he was finally giving in. "I don't think she ever loved me like I loved her."

Before I could protest, he gripped my hand, shaking his head as if he knew I were about to speak.

"She enjoyed toying with me, yes, but I don't know if she ever actually viewed me as her husband. I know that some of it is my fault, never really speaking up when I didn't agree. But I always went along with it because I didn't really think I had a choice. From day one she was always the boss, and no one thought to question her. I, however, was in that loop twenty-four-seven, constantly doing every little thing her heart desired.

"It's not as though I didn't enjoy being with her, because I did, Bella," he said passionately, as though trying to convince me. "I loved her with everything I had in me. She saved me from a life that I don't even want to think about, and she accepted my past, killings and all. She looked at me like I was a man, not like I was a monster, as most people do, vampire or not. I don't know if she meant to be controlling, but that shows me that she may have loved me to a certain degree, but she didn't love me enough to be in a normal, stable relationship with me."

He stopped talking, and I couldn't help but let the words in my mind tumble out of my mouth. "I don't think you're a monster, Jasper."

It wasn't as though I was trying to placate him; it was just the truth, and I felt that it needed to be said.

He looked at me again, an easy smile gracing his face.

"Thank you, Bella," he said sincerely.

"Can I say something else?" I asked, chewing the inside of my bottom lip.

"Anything," he said, watching me intently.

"I think she loved you," I said, my words flowing together quickly so he wouldn't interrupt me. "I just think that she didn't know how to let someone else be in control. Because she was so used to being the one to see what was going to happen, she probably saw her own future more that anyone else's. I'm sure that probably caused her to be selfish, but I don't honestly think she meant to do it all the time. I'm sure you're mostly right, though, but don't ever think she didn't love you, Jasper."

He stared at me for a long moment, and I began to squirm beneath his gaze, not quite able to meet his eyes anymore.

"Bella," he said after what seemed like hours. "Bella, Bella, Bella." He laughed lightly, kissing my knuckles again. "You are so observant, and so smart, that I don't even know what to say to you right now."

I smiled nervously. He was confusing me, and I was beginning to worry that perhaps he'd gone a little crazy.

"No," he said quickly, scooting closer to me. "No, I didn't mean it as a bad thing; I just meant that I never even stopped to think about it like that. Thank you."

The sincerity in his voice had me blushing.

"You're welcome," I muttered. We were silent for another minute before I spoke again. "Jasper?"

"Yes, darlin'?" he asked, his eyes finding mine.

"Why… why do you think Edward really left me?" I asked, my stomach full of butterflies, my eyes betraying me as they filled with tears. I hadn't wanted to ask him, but I _needed_ to.

"Oh, Bella," he said quietly, stroking the back of my hand with his long, cold fingers. A chill ran up my arm, not from the temperature, but from the feeling of it. "I keep forgetting that you had to go through this completely alone, with nearly no contact from any of us."

"He never even called after he left," I blurted, clearing my throat and trying my hardest not to let me traitorous tears fall.

I thought I saw anger flash across Jasper's face, but it was gone just as soon as I registered it. The muscles in his jaw worked for a moment before he spoke again. "I think," he said slowly, "that he left because of him, not because of you."

I cried out in frustration. "I'm so sick of hearing that! It _was_ my fault! If I wasn't a stupid, weak _human_, he'd still want to be with me!"

Jasper stared at me, wide eyed. "Is that what you honestly think? That he left because you were a stupid, weak human?"

"Yes!" I said, tears finally falling down my face. As many times as I had lied to myself about what I thought Edward's reasons were, I couldn't find it in me to lie to Jasper. "Not only did he leave me because he felt guilty, but all of you left, _all of you!_ I got scared and overdramatic about all of the crap going on with James and Victoria and always getting hurt, and I just drove him away!"

"No, Bella," he said firmly, projecting a wave of calm towards me. "He left because _he_ wasn't strong enough to deal with his own emotions, not because of any of the ridiculous things you just said. He wasn't man enough to swallow his own pride and past in order to see your side of things properly. _He_ was the weak one, not you; please see that. You are so brave and so strong, putting yourself in danger every second you were with one of us. He's the idiot, Isabella, not you."

The use of my full first name was not lost on me, but for some reason it didn't irritate me, as it usually would have – strange. He spoke with such conviction that I believed him, and what he said hurt almost more than what I'd always told myself. It meant that no matter what _I_ did, Edward would never want me.

I looked at him, my bottom lip trembling and tears swimming in my eyes, but feeling calm because of his gift. He pulled it back a little, testing my emotions; that was when the waterworks started up again, and I choked, suddenly feeling as though I couldn't breathe. He let go of my hand and lifted his arm with a clear invitation. Without a second thought, I slid across the couch, allowing myself to be wrapped in Jasper's cold yet warming embrace, my cheek once again finding his chest, my tears soaking his shirt.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper.

Endless love and thanks to everyone who has reviewed and/or added this to their favorites and alerts.

As always, the biggest thank you to Sarah for continuing to beta for me!

**Previously on Left Alone, To Be Together – **

_Bella's POV_

_I looked at him, my bottom lip trembling and tears swimming in my eyes, but feeling calm because of his gift. He pulled it back a little, testing my emotions; that was when the waterworks started up again, and I choked, suddenly feeling as though I couldn't breathe. He let go of my hand and lifted his arm with a clear invitation. Without a second thought, I slid across the couch, allowing myself to be wrapped in Jasper's cold yet warming embrace, my cheek once again finding his chest, my tears soaking his shirt._

**Jasper's POV**

I hadn't meant to make her cry, really I hadn't. I just spoke the truth, trying to make her see how ridiculous her theories were. I wouldn't take it back, though, for a few different reasons; the primary one being that I truly felt it needed to be said, and, secondarily, because she was back in my arms, filling my chilled skin with warmth. I didn't have to breathing that time, and I was impressed that I only had a dim burn in the back of my throat.

We absorbed each other's sadness, processed it, and then warped it into something of a comfort for one another.

With Alice, I had never really had to _comfort_ her. It was more like reassurance that so-and-so was doing the right thing. We'd had sex, naturally, but it was never anything other than fulfilling our animalistic sides. I hadn't realized it until that moment, holding Bella in my arms. It felt more intimate than any moment I'd ever shared with Alice.

The family had thought our extended periods of eye contact were meant to be significant and loving, but it had been more of a way for us to communicate with one another. The family, thinking it to be more than what it really was, would look away, assuming they were being kind. I had appreciated it then, because I had been always afraid they would notice that their assumptions had been incorrect and question us.

I had never wanted to admit to myself that Alice and I weren't going to last forever.

When Alice had been around me, I always felt love within her emotions. Some might think that, because I did feel love, she was _in love_ with me, and so did I – at first. For years, I had lived with no emotions around me other than hatred and fear and false-loyalty; I had lived like that for so long that the change of pace that Alice had created left me in a love-filled daze. After awhile, though, I started to question the type of love coming from Alice.

I could feel a different kind of love flowing between the other pairs we lived with, but I always had an excuse. Rose and Emmett were just neurotic, so naturally it would feel stronger between them. With Carlisle and Esme, it was that Carlisle would spend time away, and Esme was just overjoyed to see him, whereas Alice and I were together constantly, so we never really had a chance to miss each other. When Bella came into the picture, I just figured her emotions to that of a new love, strong and growing, and Alice and I were more mature and further along in our relationship.

We were never really compatible, though, Alice and I. It wasn't as though I wanted to find reasons that we weren't right for each other, but it was hard to ignore the truth. She had always been boisterous and outgoing; I, on the other hand, was quiet and liked to sit at home all day. Kind of like Bella, I thought. I suddenly realized I was lost within my own thoughts and shook my head, sighing.

"What's wrong?" asked a small voice.

"Nothing," I answered immediately, but cringed as she stiffened, knowing I was lying.

"Do you want me to get up?" Without waiting for me to answer, she shifted, readying herself to sit up.

"No," I said, a little too quickly for my liking. I sounded desperate in my own ears, so I tried to take a softer tone. "No, Bella, you're perfect where you are."

It was quiet again, and I could feel that she felt a little hesitant about something.

"What is it?" I asked after a long time, unable to restrain my curiosity.

"I just think you're being too hard on yourself, Jasper," she said slowly.

"What do you mean?" I asked, interested.

"I assume you're taking apart each 'sign' or whatever about your relationship with Alice?"

I didn't answer for a few moments. I hadn't spoken to anyone about Alice leaving, not even Carlisle or Esme. No one had asked me anything about it, nor did I offer to tell them. Not one person in my life, aside from Bella, had tried to talk to me about it. I wondered why it was Bella that I _wanted_ to talk to about it. Perhaps it was because she knew the thoughts in my head; she knew the pain that came with those thoughts. Bella knew exactly what it felt like to have your heart broken in the middle of the cold, dark forest.

"You assume correctly," I said, unsure of actually admitting it out loud.

"Don't," she said, shaking her head against my chest. "I've done that for over a year, and I can find thousands of things, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that they _did_ leave. Nothing else. I know Edward loved me, and I know Alice loved you, but somehow it just wasn't enough, and there isn't any reason at all to kill ourselves trying to find the answers. I still hurt, Jasper, and I know you do, too, because your relationship with Alice was so much longer, but I do understand part of your pain. I know the questions you're asking yourself, and probably the answers too. I know the words you're telling yourself, of why she could have never really loved you, of how you know for a fact that it was never real to begin with.

"I think I know you well enough to say this, Jasper, so please don't take it as me trying to just throw words at you," she said quietly, embarrassment creeping into her emotions. "I think you're a wonderful person, and she's stupid to have left you. But don't ever think you weren't good enough. You came from such a horrid background; although I don't know the entire story, I've heard enough to know it wasn't great. I've seen enough scars to have some comprehension of the hardships you must have gone through. But look at you know. Sure, perhaps your control slips from time to time, but you try so hard, and that's amazing, Jasper, it is. You care are about humanity and what's good in the world. You're a gentleman and a caring soul, and I don't want you to _ever_ think otherwise. You _are_ good enough, Jasper."

Had I been human, her words and the powerful emotions behind them would have brought me to tears. I'd always been man enough to admit when something touches me, and her words would have dropped me to my knees. I'd heard sweet sentiments and compliments, but never had I heard someone speak so passionately about what they thought of my character. I was always just given a pat on the back when I didn't attack the humans around me. More often than not, though, my family would comment on my lack of control, rather than the progress I had made since joining them.

And then here was this girl; this small, human girl, who had known me for only a few short years, who I had very nearly killed, saying things that I scarcely deserved to heard. I was stunned into silence.

I felt her nervousness rising up again, my obvious lack of speech worrying her. I spluttered for a moment, my brain running too quickly for even me to keep up. I took a deep breath, no matter how unnecessary, and inhaled too much of her scent. I stopped breathing and she stiffened, but didn't move away, more curious than scared.

"Bella, I…" I stopped, still unable to think of words strong enough to express my gratitude.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"No, please," I said quickly, running a hand through my hair absently. "That was the kindest thing anyone has said to me in my one hundred and sixty four years, human years included."

"Well that's ridiculous," she said instantly.

I scoffed. "Why is that?" I asked, amused.

"Because it's the truth, and why no one has said it before is beyond me." Anger swirled into her many emotions, which made me smile. In a weird way, it showed me she genuinely cared.

"Thank you," I said, projecting my feelings at the moment towards her – gratitude and appreciation. She gasped.

"What was that?" she asked, sounding a little mystified.

"I couldn't find the words to articulate how I felt, so I decided that showing you would suffice," I explained, feeling slightly embarrassed, although I wasn't sure why.

"Oh," she said breathlessly. "That was extremely interesting. Can you do it again?"

I couldn't help but smile, amused that she was interested in my gift. I let the silence fill back in before I began projecting different emotions at her, her sighs and gasps spurring me on. Only good emotions, though, nothing bad, like anger or hatred or… lust. I wanted to, just to see how she would react, but I restrained myself, not wanting to push my luck with her. I kept the love to a minimum, not wanting her to feel as though I was taking it away from her again; Edward had done that well enough the first time. I slipped a little, anger filling me quickly, but I banished it as soon as it came, and Bella barely had time to feel it before I hit her with a strong wave of tranquility. I laughed as she nearly purred.

About an hour later, most every safe emotion gone through, I heard her stomach growl just before I felt her hunger. Embarrassment soon followed, and it seemed to break the spell of silence between us.

"Would you like me to order something for you?" I asked.

She thought this over. "I used to eat before coming over here, but I left in a bit of a rush this morning," she admitted sheepishly.

I chuckled. "Yes, I noticed," I said, my hand tugging lightly on a strand of her hair.

She shot up and out of my arms, staring at me wide-eyed. "How bad does it look?"

Before she gave me time to answer, she bolted into the bathroom, where I heard her groan loudly. I couldn't help but laugh, always amused at women's need to look good. I heard the door click shut and water pump through the rarely used pipes, eventually making its way out of the faucet. I wasn't sure what to get her to eat, so I went into the kitchen, pulling out a few pamphlets we had received in the mail for various delivery restaurants. Carlisle had put them in one of the many kitchen drawers, saying it seemed like the human thing to do.

When I noticed Bella wasn't coming out immediately, I just called and ordered a few random things from a few of the menus, not having the slightest idea as to what she liked. I figured if she stayed more than a few hours, she'd have to eat again and, as far as I knew, the microwave still worked. I started to wonder why I wanted her to stay so badly, but the doorbell interrupted my thoughts.

The Chinese food arrived well before any of the rest, and Bella came out just as I was walking towards the kitchen.

"What's that?" she asked, eyeing the brown bag full of Styrofoam containers.

Her hair wasn't sticking up anymore, but it was still slightly disheveled, which was fine. It looked nice like that. Her clothes looked less wrinkled, but there was no mistaking that the tank top was still inside out, giving her that 'Devil-may-care' look. It suited her, and I can't deny the fact that I found it quite attractive.

"Chinese," I said with an unsure smile.

"You ordered me food already?" she asked, her eyes widening.

"Is that alight?"

She licked her lips and nodded. "I love Chinese."

I laughed lightly, relieved. "I see that, but there's also burgers and pizza coming too." Her eyebrows came together, so I continued. "I wasn't sure what you liked."

"I'm easy," she said, taking a step towards me, her eyes on the bag. "I like just about everything. I think you're trying to fatten me up to eat me, though."

I nearly dropped the take-out bag, her blunt words shocking me beyond belief. "Bella!" I reprimanded when I saw a large smile on her face, indicating that she was joking.

She giggled, and the sound of her laughter calmed me instantly; I had never really heard her laugh before. It was musical and slightly higher pitched than her voice, but it was full and contagious. I joined in her laughter, not able to help it. We laughed for a good thirty minutes and, in the end, it wasn't about what had been said at all – it was just good to laugh.

_A/N – Loved it? Hated it? Bored? Let me know! I love hearing what you think! Thanks!_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper.

A ridiculous amount of love and appreciation to all of you who have read, reviewed, and/or added this story to their favorites and/or alerts. I truly do love every single review, whether it is two words or two hundred.

A gigantic overload of thanks to my wonderful beta reader, Sarah, who continues to edit this, even though the stresses of real life are overwhelming. You are simply wonderful.

**Bella's POV**

Laughing with Jasper was how I imagined it would feel to laugh with a god. His laugh was so beautiful that it was beyond all description. We laughed together for so long tears started to stream down my face. Each time we calmed, we'd meet each other's eyes and start all over again. We probably looked like a couple of children, but neither one of us cared. I hadn't laughed like that in over a year and a half, and I was sure that it had been at least that long, if not longer, for Jasper. He didn't seem like the kind of man that laughed very often. I absently wondered why he didn't laugh more. It was the most wonderful sound in the world.

"Come on," he said after what felt like hours as our laughter finally quieted. "You have to eat, and the food is probably cold."

I smiled at him, and that was first time I looked at him differently. I saw him as Jasper Whitlock, rather than just lumping him in as a Cullen. I saw him as a person – vampire or not –, as a confidant and friend. I noticed that he was also looking at me differently. He looked at me as though I was his actual friend, too, not a 'forced-to-like-you-because-you're-my-adoptive-brother's-girfriend'. It seemed like a silent agreement passed between us – we were going to be okay if we had each other.

I felt silly, thinking that was actually what was going on, but there was no denying that Jasper was looking at me the exact same way I had been looking at him. Something shifted in his face, taking down the mask that he held onto so tightly. His face softened and he opened his mouth to say something, but the doorbell rang, breaking the moment. He blinked and shook his head minutely. He held the take-out bag, which I took, and he went to answer the door for the next of the food deliveries.

About an hour later, I was more stuffed than I could ever remember being. I felt awkward as Jasper sat there watching me eat. I was sure that he sensed my unease, because he left to hunt while I ate, even though the color of his eyes told me he didn't really need to. He came back to find me still in the kitchen, my head on the table. Being full always made me tired.

I heard him laugh, and I sat up so quickly that my chair started to topple backwards. I probably would have cracked my head open on the linoleum had it not been for Jasper and his vampire speed. He righted me so quickly that I barely had time to process what had happened. My heart was racing from the adrenaline that pumped through my veins, and I raked a hand through my hair, taking a deep breath. Jasper appeared in from of me suddenly, startling me. He hadn't noticed. He took my wrists and held them off to either side of my body, looking me over.

"Are you alright, darlin'?" he asked almost frantically, still surveying me from my head to my toes.

"Fine," I said, slightly breathless.

I had been physically closer to Jasper in the past, but I never had to look at him in such close proximity. He was kneeling between my legs, his face a mere six inches from my own. His bright, concerned eyes finally met mine. His eyes widened slightly as he, too, seemed to realize our closeness, but he did not move away.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, less frantic, but still concerned. "Your heartbeat is still fast."

I felt a wave of unexplainable anger roll through me.

"I'm fine," I said stiffly.

"Yes, but I shouldn't have been so careless," he said quickly. "I should have announced my arrival."

"Jasper," I said through gritted teeth, "stop. I may not be a vampire, but I'm not that fragile, either."

He raised a perfect blonde eyebrow at me. "Bella, I…." He paused; his ageless features shifted as understanding lit his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he said softly.

"What?" I asked, confused at the sudden shift in his tone.

"I'm treating you the way he did."

Jasper didn't have to say who _he_ was. And Jasper was right, of course, which explained why I was angry.

Jasper continued before I could say anything. "I know you aren't a scared little child who needs to be protected and coddled." He sighed, hanging his head. "Bella, I really am sorry. I never meant to make you angry; I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt. I'm so used to being with vampires, not humans, and sometimes I forget that you aren't _completely_ breakable."

I felt myself soften, his quiet voice calming me without the assistance of his gift. "That's okay, Jasper," I said. "I'm sorry I overreacted."

"Please don't apologize," he replied, his eyes finding mine again. "You didn't overreact; you had a right to be angry."

I shook my head, slightly amused by his response. "Why do I have a right to be mad at you for trying to help me?"

He stared at me until I shifted uneasily in my seat. "I don't want to remind you of Edward," he said bluntly.

I felt my eyes widen. "Jasper," I breathed out, unsure exactly what to say. "You… you could _never_ remind me of him. Yes, the cold skin and the eye color may be the same, but you two aren't anything alike."

His face fell slightly. "I don't know what to think about that," he said, his eyebrows coming together.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I just mean that you loved him so much," Jasper said, cringing with me as he realized what he said. "Well, with him and I being so different… you must not like me very much."

His tone was teasing, but his eyes betrayed the fact that he was being serious.

"Jasper," I said quietly, shaking my head and trying not to laugh. "It's a _good_ think you two aren't alike, because he was horrible for me. We had very few things in common, and it was more like a force of nature that brought us together rather than compatibility. He was even horrible when it came to anything physical, and look how you're sitting right now. Edward could barely stand to be this close to me."

Open mouth, insert foot.

"Uh… sorry. Anyway, I would never want you to be him, Jasper, you're perfect just the way you are."

Had I just said that? Oh, crap! I think he had gotten what I meant though, because he just smiled at me as I blushed.

"I still don't understand how I'm nothing like him, Bella," he said, sighing. "How do you know that you and I will have anything in common? How do you know that we'll be better suited as friends?"

Jasper was being so blunt it almost scared me.

"I don't know that, Jasper," I admitted after a few long moments. "I feel differently around you than I did with him – in a good way. I don't feel so nervous."

"It's a gift," he said, his lips turning up into a smile.

I chuckled and shook my head. "Ha-ha," I said, rolling my eyes. "But really, we do have at least one thing in common."

I paused and he quickly caught on to what I meant.

"Yes, but that's not a good way to start a friendship, Bella. Loss does crazy things to people, and clinging to the first person who understands your pain is not healthy."

I pursed my lips, thinking over his words. "Perhaps it isn't, but you are going to have to stop it, Jasper, because I won't."

I turned my eyes away from his, ashamed at the fact that I needed him so much. What would happen if he didn't feel the same?

He sighed again, his thumbs absently stroking the backs of my wrists. "No," he said very quietly, hanging his head. "No, Bella, I won't."

"Why?" I asked.

Jasper chuckled lightly. "I could ask you the same exact thing."

I nodded, and he continued. "But I'm assuming our reasons would be about the same, so there's no point to really answer, hm?"

"I guess not," I replied, chewing the inside of lip, unsure what else to say.

He finally looked up and met my eyes again. "Bella," he said lowly, sounding as though he was choosing his words carefully, "I'm just worried about you."

"I'm alright. I might break down now and then, but I'm a lot stronger than I used to be."

"I've realized that," he said.

"I don't," I started, but stopped, clearing my throat. "I don't want you to feel obligated to stay, Jasper."

I hadn't wanted to say it, but I felt as though I needed to. No matter how much I wanted him to stay, it wasn't fair to him if it wasn't what he wanted.

"Bella," he sighed, bringing my hands into my lap, not letting go of my wrists. The closeness of his hands to certain areas of my body were not lost on me, but he either didn't notice or didn't care.

"I would _never_ stay somewhere because I had to. This is no different."

"If you stay, I don't know if I could watch you walk away later." The words just happened to go from my brain to my mouth, no thought to them. "I have a bad tendency to get attached to things, and I don't want to lose you."

I closed my eyes when I realized how melodramatic I sounded. I stiffened and my breath caught in my throat when I felt cold fingers stroking my cheek. I almost missed what he was saying because of the goosebumps that covered my body, the electricity running beneath his touch astounding me.

"Bella," he started, his voice quiet and serious. "I can't promise that I won't _ever_ leave, because I don't know what the future holds." He sighed, his fingers resting on my neck; his thumb continued to stroke my cheek. "But I can tell this: I don't want to leave. I don't know why, but I don't think I could willingly leave you. And it isn't because I feel obligated to stay."

I took a deep breath, embarrassed as two large tears leaked out from my closed eyes.

"Bella," he said, "please tell me why you're crying."

"It's just that I've heard very similar things before, Jasper."

That was only partially the reason why I was crying, but the thought of Jasper leaving bothered me more than anything else.

His other hand came up and he wiped the moisture from my cheeks. "I'm sorry." Before I could say anything, he continued. "I, unlike most, do not walk away because I cannot handle my own emotions, Bella. And I hate to say it, because I don't want to hurt you anymore than you've already been, but it's the truth. I am man enough to face the hard things in life, to fight for what I want, no matter how long it takes for things to fall into place. Had I of been Edward, loving you as much as he did, I wouldn't have been able to take myself away from you."

The tenderness in his voice made my tears come faster, my chest rising and falling heavily as his words sank in further. "How can you be so kind yet so cruel at the same time?" I asked, not realizing I had said it out loud until his hands froze on my face.

"I – I didn't intend to be cruel, Bella," he said, sounding truly sorry. "I don't agree with keeping silent about things that need to be said, that's all. I apologize if I hurt your feelings. It wasn't my intention."

"I know," I replied, feeling bad for making him feel that way. "It's hard to hear sometimes, Jasper. It's hard having someone I care for say that they wouldn't have left me the way he did."

"I know," he said. "I would never do that to you."

"I know you wouldn't, Jasper." I sighed, and decided to finally speak what was on my mind. "I want you to know, Jasper, that I wouldn't do that to you, either. I wouldn't just walk away from you. I don't know why she did, but I couldn't look into your face and tell you I was leaving. It would be impossible."

I finally opened my eyes. His head was tilted down, his eyes on the floor. I boldly brought my hand to his face, brushing an errant blonde curl from his forehead. He looked at me quickly, sorrow set deeply within his eyes. He brushed another tear from my cheek, looking at his hand.

"I wish I could cry like you, Bella." He'd said it so quietly I thought I had misheard him at first. "Sometimes I can't remember what it's like to be able to release sadness through tears. Some may be glad that, although they feel it, they can't show it. But not me."

I wasn't entirely sure what he'd meant by it, but the sadness in his eyes told me everything. He _looked_ like there should have been tears streaming down his beautiful face. "Oh, Jasper," I whispered.

The need to touch him became too much. One hand threaded through his blonde locks, the other wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer. He sucked in a breath, slumping down and dropping his arms to wrap them around my waist as I scooted closer. He allowed me to guide him forward, his head ending up on my chest and his breathing hitched within his throat. I absently massaged his scalp when his body started to shake.

"It's just hurts so badly sometimes," he whimpered.

"I know," I whispered, burying my face into the top of his head, dizzying myself with the sweet smell of his hair. "It's going to be okay, Jasper."

Tears flowed down my face and into his hair as dry sobs wracked his body. I could feel his control on his gift slipping, because occasionally I was hit with a wave of sadness, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Oh, my poor, sweet southern God. I could only hazard a guess as to how horrible it must have been for him. My heart broke with every sharp breath he took, the sound cutting through me like a knife. I felt helpless, so I did what I could. I stroked his hair and held him tightly, putting my pain behind me so I could help him with his.

"It'll be alright, Jasper," I murmured when he shuddered violently, my heart breaking further.

"How?"

His question was barely audible, but I could hear the plea for an answer in his voice.

"Because we'll have each other, Jasper."

_A/N – Don't forget to push that pretty little button and let me know what you think! I do love your feedback and ideas._


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper. The place mentioned within this fanfiction is from my own imagination, and any similarity to any establishment is purely unintentional.

Massive amounts of love and appreciation to everyone who has reviewed and/or added this to your favorites and alerts. My apologies for this taking so long, but hopefully the updates will be coming quicker and quicker.

A huge thank you to the wonderful MaBarberElla for stepping in for Sarah and beta reading this.

**Jasper's POV**

Well, that hadn't worked out the way I thought it would.

Once I had opened my mouth things had gone south from there. I hadn't meant to be so emotional, but the topic of conversation and Bella's incredible empathy left me helpless and vulnerable. I think I would have been able to contain my feelings had she not touched me, but the sheer tenderness of it threw me over the edge of a precipice upon which I was barely balanced.

Once my cheek hit her chest, the pain of Alice leaving and the guilt I had carried with me for so long was so overwhelming I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. The sound of her heartbeat, loud and strong, cut through me like a knife; knowing I had very nearly stopped that exact heart made me want to die all over again. The gentleness of her fingers woven through my hair and the loving tone in her words made me hate Alice for a moment. I wondered briefly if Alice would have tried to comfort me the same way Bella was. I knew the answer was 'no', but Bella's smell and warm skin kept the anger that rose with that realization at bay.

We sat like that in the kitchen for an immeasurable amount of time, neither one of us able to pull away from the other, even long after we had both quieted. I took this time to memorize the feel of her body against mine: the warm, pliable softness of her stomach pressed against my chest. It wasn't as though she were heavy set, but there was a certain plushy feel to which no vampire skin could compare. I felt a rush in certain areas of my body as I tried not to focus my attention on her supple breasts against my collarbone. My mind raced off in directions completely inappropriate during a moment that, just seconds ago, had been nothing other than a selfless act of kindness on her part.

Her fingers flexed in the mess of my hair, her nails lightly scratching my scalp. I wondered what she was thinking and I sought out her emotions. I was shocked when I realized hers mirrored my own – wonderment and lust. I immediately pulled back, afraid of where this might lead. Bella's bright brown eyes widened and her face betrayed her emotion: that she'd been caught doing something wrong. Her lips parted slightly and I had an overwhelming urge to cover them with my own, desperate to know if they were as soft and warm as the rest of her.

"J-Jasper?" she asked.

I snapped out of my bloodlust – or at least that was what I was going to call it until I figured out something that explained the sudden attraction – and smiled at her, trying to act as though nothing was amiss.

"I apologize," I said quickly.

Her eyebrows came together. "Why?"

Why? She was asking me _why_? "I'm not entirely sure," I answered honestly, trying to keep my tone even, as to not worry her.

"Oh, Jasper," she sighed. "There's nothing to be sorry about."

I just nodded my head, the proximity of her welcoming body tempting me to mold against it again. A sudden thought came to me and I decided to run with it. "Would you like to do something with me today?"

She chewed her lip, awakening a maddening quiver within me, and nodded. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I'd like to go to Seattle do a bit of shopping. Would you like to come with me?"

A large smile appeared on her face. "I'd love to!" she said immediately.

I smiled; her willingness to do something _I_ wanted brought up feelings in me I hadn't felt in a long time – excitement, hope, and, oddly, nervousness. "Let's go, then!" I said before reluctantly pulling my arms from around her, grasping her wrists and kissing each of her hands in turn before helping her up and out of her seat.

"Hey, hang on," she called as I practically dragged her out of the house, only stopping for a second to shove my feet into some shoes by the door. I paused after she spoke, turned, and waited for her to continue. "Do you mind if we stop by my house? I have to grab a few things first, if you don't mind."

I chuckled. "Of course I don't mind!" I said enthusiastically.

"You alright?" she asked, smiling but sounding worried.

"Honestly?" I asked, and she nodded. "I'm just happy to be doing something with someone – with you. I haven't seen anyone I know or talked to anyone in person in a long time."

She nodded, seeming to understand and I pulled my keys out of my pocket and hit the unlock button just as we reached the car. I led her to the passenger side of the car, much to her amusement. I opened her door and shrugged when she gave me a questioning look. Bella resigned a smile to me before getting in, which quickly erased the awkwardness from the moment. I got into the car and started the engine, surprised the thing still ran. I hadn't been in the car since long before everyone had left Forks. I gingerly maneuvered the Mustang into the front lawn in order to go around her truck. With my insistence, she fiddled with the radio dial, finding something easy-going that we both liked as I drove to her house.

Bella quietly told me she wouldn't be more than a few minutes; all she had to do was call Charlie, change her shirt, and grab her money. I waited patiently, playing with the bass and treble levels until they were the perfect blend. Edward wasn't the only 'musical one' in the family, but I was never one to flaunt my talents, and I loved Esme for never having told anyone about our secret guitar lessons some five years back.

Before I really had time to dwell on the past, Bella came out of the house. Her shoe caught on some unseen object and she stumbled for a moment before righting herself. I chuckled quietly as she huffed and mumbled under her breath. She had changed her tank top for an attractive cream-colored shirt. The material looked soft, plush almost, but it clung to her just enough to show off her slight curves. She smiled nervously at me when she opened the door.

"Everything alright?" I asked.

"Great," she replied, relaxing into the seat as she closed the door.

"Talk to your dad?"

"Yes," she said, and I couldn't help but smile at the mixture of exasperation and love in her emotions at the mention of her father. "I told him I was going to Seattle with a friend, and I might not be back for quite awhile. He said it was fine; he was called into work for something or other and won't be home until after midnight."

"Did you tell him it was me?" I asked. I didn't know if it was important or not, I was just curious.

"No," she answered, looking worried. "Is that okay? I mean, he didn't ask and I – "

"Bella," I said with a laugh, cutting her off, "don't worry. It's up to you what you tell your father; it's not my business."

She sighed, relieved. "Thanks," she said.

I had _no_ idea why she was thanking me, but I left it alone. Call it a hunch, but I figured it had something to do with Edward. I backed out of her driveway and headed towards the highway. We chatted companionably, catching each other up on the last year and some odd months of our lives.

She told me about graduation and the month she spent in Florida with her mother, who sounded like she was the exact opposite of Bella, but interesting for sure. Bella loved my stories of Austria and New Zealand the most, her eyes widening when I told her about the many beautiful sites I had taken for granted while I was there.

"Jasper?" she asked about forty minutes in, breaking our steady conversation.

I glanced at her briefly before turning my eyes back to the road, interested as I felt curiosity seeping from her. "Yes, Bella?"

"Why aren't you driving a hundred miles an hour?" she asked nonchalantly.

I couldn't help the laugh that left me. "Why would I be?"

I saw her shrug out of the corner of my eye. "Edward used to drive fast, no matter where we were going, but especially when going a long distance. Not to mention the fact that you drove a bit quicker when we went to Phoenix."

I stiffened slightly, a small flicker of anger running through me, irritated at the fact that Edward seemed to have given Bella the impression that all vampires were reckless with human cargo. "I drove fast to Phoenix because I wanted to put as much distance between you and James as safely as possible. I typically enjoy a slower pace. I don't feel the need to get everywhere as fast as I possibly can. I'm enjoying just driving with you; I don't think we're in any hurry."

I relaxed when I saw her smile. "I completely agree, Jazz," she said, leaning her head back against the seat and closing her eyes.

A thrill shot through me when she called me 'Jazz'. I had always hated that nickname, but, for reasons I couldn't explain, I suddenly loved it. The conversation picked back up as though it had never been interrupted, and it didn't stop again until we reached the city limits. I felt her eagerness as we crossed into the city, which fed my excitement.

"Where to first?" we asked at the same time.

We both laughed loudly, even though it really wasn't that funny. There was a nervous but ecstatic energy that filled the car, adding fuel to our happy moods. Bella shifted in her seat, a smile still on her face.

"Well, since it was your idea, you pick first."

"Good argument," I complimented and was pleased when she blushed. I mentally categorized all the stores I knew in the city and finally settled on a medium-priced clothing store where I recalled seeing a wonderful pair of black cowboy boots once. She agreed and we were there within a few minutes. I deposited a handful of quarters into the parking meter and held the shop door open for Bella.

The store was called Unlimited Occasions, and the name said it all. Aisle after aisle of streetware, formal dresses and suits crowded the front of the store, leaving only a slim area for marked down Halloween costumes. I walked around her when she stopped just inside the door to take it all in. I playfully grabbed her hand, leading her down the main aisle to the back of the store where they kept the shoes.

I immediately went to the back wall, home of all the 'specialty footwear'. I nearly jumped up and down when I saw the exact same black cowboy boots from years ago still sitting on the shelf, collecting dust. I let Bella's hand go and gently took the old boots off the shelf and examined them, amazed they were still there.

"How'd I know?" I heard Bella say from behind me.

"What?" I asked, turning around to face her.

She smiled. "I had a feeling we'd be going to a western store first, so I was surprised that you chose here. But now I see why."

"Why did you think I was going to a western store?" I asked, amused.

She shrugged. "Well, your accent kind of says it all, Jazz."

I raised my eyebrow and she gave me an exasperated smile.

"You look too uppity in those clothes," she said with a laugh. "You never look comfortable, so I thought maybe this was your break for freedom."

I chuckled and shook my head. "Something like that," I said.

"So, boots first?" she asked.

"What do you think?" I asked, holding up the boots.

"Try them on and I'll let you know."

I sat on one of the benches the store supplied for just such occasions and easily slid off the loafers I was wearing. I tugged the boots onto my feet, nearly sighing in relief as they formed around my feet and ankles and halfway up my calves. I stood, feeling nostalgic but more comfortable than I had been in too long. I hiked up both pant legs and stuck out one foot, propping it back on its heel to show the boot off to Bella.

"Perfect," she said with a large smile. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to stand seeing you wear loafers again."

I chuckled. "Yeah?"

"You wouldn't look right in anything else, Jasper."

I smiled widely and grabbed the box from the shelf, opting to leave the boots on and throw the loafers into the box instead. "Alright, Bella, what am I going to have to do in order to get you into a pair of these?"

Her lips pursed slightly and she stared at me, looking as though she were carefully forming her answer. I contemplated sending her a wave of calm so heavy that she'd comply with whatever I asked for, but I decided to I'd fight fair… for now.

"Okay," she said finally, a sly smile appearing on her face, "but you have to help me pick out a complete outfit, fit for a true southern cowgirl."

I had to do my best to keep my mouth from falling open, stunned at her reply. Bella? Wanting to look like a cowgirl? Sweet mercy, kill me now. I had a hefty amount of control when it came to being around her and her blood now that no one else around me felt the need to bleed her dry too, but I didn't know if the man in me would be able to handle it. I still hadn't had the time to work out the undeniable attraction I felt for her. Or, at the very least, make sure she didn't notice.

"Deal," I said, plastering a smirk on my face.

"Wait," she said quickly, "I have one more thing to add to that."

Uh-oh. "What's that?" I asked nonchalantly.

"I want to come back to Seattle and check out that country western club that's opening up in two months, and I want you to teach me to dance."

"What?" I asked immediately. "I thought you hated dancing! And large groups of people…"

"I do," she said, nodding. "However, Jasper, I think it's about time you and I had a little more fun in our lives. Try some new things."

I stared at her, confused. "You want _me_ to take you?"

I felt her nervousness before her face turned into a worried frown. "I mean, if you want to. You don't have to, that's alright, Jasper, I understand. I'm sorry. Let's just find a pair of boots, okay?"

"No!" I said quickly, lightly grabbing her arm as she made to turn away. "I'm sorry, Bella, really. I was just shocked, that's all. I'd love to take you dancin', darlin'. I haven't been in ages."

"Really?" she asked, her heartbeat picking up in pace.

"'Course I would," I replied honestly. "If that's what you want to do, then we'll do it."

"Really?" she asked again, excitement radiating off of her and I couldn't help but mirror it.

"Promise," I said, genuinely smiling now. "But, because I am taking you out, I'd like to pay for the outfit." She made to protest, but I stopped her. "Bella, let me be a gentleman, would you? I'd like to do this properly."

Bella raised her eyebrow at me but didn't say anything else, so I dragged her over to the female shoe section, rummaging through nearly every pair of size seven boots before finding the perfect pair. They were a dark brown, with intricate swoops and loops and seemingly random designs, but to me it was a work of art. They were feminine but sturdy, something Bella most definitely needed. I motioned to a bench and she sat down, looking up at me and holding out her hands. I handed her the boots, wondering what she'd think.

She slipped off her tennis shoes and slowly pulled on the boots, looking as though she were trying to memorize the feel of the thick leather beneath her fingers. I watched her with rapt attention as she pulled the tab at the back of each boot, sliding her feet fully inside.

I watched as her fingers ran the length of the boots, her fingertips tracing along the leather patterns in what looked like decided slow motion. I could feel my mouth slowly dropping open as she continued to caress the raised designs, her eyes fluttering – or was that just my imagination? I began to wonder if she would use the same care, the same gentleness and tenderness if those fingers were roaming over _me_. My eyes went wide as her nails trailed the sole of one of the boots. I was ready to beg for those beautiful hands to cover every part of my body, not those sordid boots.

"They're beautiful," she whispered, not taking her eyes away from them.

I shook my head and cleared my throat, confused as to what was going on. She looked up at me and I saw her hands were no longer on the boots. I quickly tried to cover up my perverse thoughts.

"I have good taste," I said a little smugly, overjoyed that she liked them so much.

But then she saw the price tag.

"Three hundred dollars?" she nearly shouted. "No, Jasper, no, I can't."

I rolled my eyes. "Either you let me get you the damn boots and the rest of the getup or no dancing."

She looked at me, wide eyed. "You wouldn't."

"I would," I challenged. I wasn't serious, but I wasn't about to let her know that.

"I'll find someone else to take me," she replied, but I knew she was lying.

"Liar," I said, and her face fell a little. I decided to take a softer approach. "Isabella, you said you wanted us to have fun, and obviously you wanted to do it together. This is part of the fun for me, getting you something nice. I have more than enough money, I assure you. Please, let me treat you the way you deserve."

I saw moisture briefly rise up in her eyes, and that confused me. She chewed the inside of her bottom lip, obviously conflicted. "Alright, Jasper," she conceded with a sigh, blinking rapidly until her eyes were back to normal. "If that's what you honestly want, then alright, you win. I forfeit."

Me – one, Bella – nothing.

I gave her a huge smile and pulled her to her feet, nearly skipping as I led her to the women's apparel, riffling through the massive racks of dress shirts until I found one I thought would look nice on her. She shuffled her feet for a few minutes before joining in my search. About twenty minutes later, Bella found her way back to me, a small stack of shirts and jeans hung over her arm. I grinned and was pleased to see that bright smile I liked so much back on her face.

"Anything you like?" I asked. "If not, there are still a few more places we could look."

She shook her head. "No, because knowing you, you would probably start with the lowest prices and move your way up."

I gaped at her. "It's a possibility," I said incredulously.

Bella rolled her eyes. "You aren't stupid with money, Jasper; that much is obvious. I'm sure you have more than enough to live on for quite a long time, yet you have very few possessions. It just made sense that you'd look for bargains just like the rest of us humans. You like what you like, and there are only a few things for which you'll pay a ridiculous price. Like my boots."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "As correct as you may be, I think you're just avoiding trying things on."

"Whatever," she said with a laugh.

About half an hour later, we had everything we could find that could be considered 'cowgirlish', and I found myself sitting on a chair in front of the dressing rooms, anxiously waiting for Bella to try things on. Every once in awhile she'd yell something to me like 'too small' or 'too big' or, my personal favorite, 'not country enough'. After what felt like hours, Bella finally said she might've found the perfect outfit, but she wanted to show me first. I told her to bring her soon-to-be-southern-lookin' backside out of the dressing room to show me.

When she stepped out of the dressing room, the first thought to cross my mind was 'holy God, I've created a monster – a fucking gorgeous monster.' I rarely curse, but there was no helping it then. She looked… too perfect.

Including the boots, she had on an off-the shoulder light blue button up with a sweetheart neckline that fit so tightly it didn't leave much to the imagination. Her jeans, a darker blue than I was used to seeing her in, looked poured on at the hips and thighs before flaring out just slightly at the bottoms. The worst part of the whole thing – or best, however you wanted to look at it – was the brown cowgirl hat atop her head, making her look mysterious and somehow dangerous as it hung low on her forehead, casting shadows along her cheeks and eyes.

"Well?" she asked nervously, holding out her arms and slowly spinning.

I did all I could not to groan as her slim frame made a full turn. I ran a hand over my face, trying to collect my thoughts. "You look…" What was I supposed to say? Sexy? Hot? Beautiful? Astonishing? That I wanted to take her right there on the floor?

"That bad?" she asked, her face falling.

"No," I said quickly. "You look… stunning."

Her cheeks flushed bright red and she looked down, embarrassed. "You really like it?"

I held back the delirious laugh that bubbled in my throat. 'Like' wasn't even close to the word I would use to describe the feelings I felt about the outfit. "I – I love it. You look really,_ really_ wonderful."

Bella finally met my eyes and she smiled hugely, and I could feel how delighted she was by my approval. I shifted in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable thanks to her outfit. She didn't notice.

"Is it your turn yet?" she asked anxiously.

"What?" I asked, lost.

"Aren't you getting yourself a few things here?"

"Oh, yes, if that's alright with you," I replied, shaking my head to clear the cobwebs.

"That was kind of the whole point of this trip, Jazz," she said, laughing. "Just let me get changed."

Before I could say anything else, she turned back to the dressing rooms and I nearly groaned as her hips swayed as she walked. I put my head in my hands and a sudden realization hit me: I had to _dance_ with her dressed like that.

Oh, shit.

_A/N – I have to give credit where credit is due – so a special thank you goes to marbleandtoast for the brilliant idea of having them go shopping together. I was planning on it later in the story, but when you suggested it, it just reconfirmed my pondering and made me want to write it so much sooner._


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper.

Massive amounts of love and appreciation to everyone who has reviewed and/or added this to your favorites and alerts.

A huge thank you to the wonderful MaBarberElla for stepping in for Sarah and beta reading this.

**Bella's POV**

I walked back into the dressing room, twisting my hips a little as I tested out the sturdiness of the gorgeous boots Jasper picked out for me. I felt a pang of guilt, knowing he planned to spend three hundred dollars on them. I meant to fight tooth and nail for a cheaper pair, but when he told me he wanted to give me what I deserved, it crushed my argument completely. I had felt embarrassed when tears filled my eyes, but the sincerity in his voice made it impossible to keep them away. Jasper Whitlock – perhaps the most beautiful, sweetest man I'd ever met – thought _I_ deserved something special.

It had been nearly impossible to get those jeans on; I had huffed and puffed and wiggled my butt around until they set on my hips right. And, if I do say so myself, I actually looked pretty good. Stunning, according to Jasper. I couldn't help but do a little dance when I got back into the dressing room, overjoyed with his response to the overly-tight outfit. I wasn't quite sure why I wanted his approval so much, but it put a fluttering feeling in my stomach, and a deep heat in certain areas concealed by the snug jeans.

With force, I wiped the smile off my face as I dressed back into my normal clothes, reprimanding myself for my body's reaction to him. It was then, while sitting on the small wedge protruding from the wall in the dressing room and putting my boots back on, that I decided I needed to hide my emotions from Jasper. I needed to be conscientious of every reaction, every feeling, every… _everything_.

He didn't need me all lust-filled and swooning over him. We needed to be friends, to get to know each other and be strong for one another. For the sake of our growing friendship, I had to be careful around him. I wasn't completely over Edward, and I hadn't gone looking for anyone, but I also hadn't been opposed to the idea of someone new. However, Jasper made this a different case altogether. He was still grieving the loss of his relationship, and it was unfair to him for me to feel the way I did. I couldn't just hide my emotions by keeping my mouth shut – this was going to take work. And I was up for the challenge. For his sake.

I plastered a big smile on my face and practically skipped out of the dressing room, purposefully avoiding any dirty thoughts of Jasper, which was harder than I imagined. He smiled and stood when he saw me, meeting me halfway before grabbing the garments out of my arms and putting them into a small shopping cart that had not been there before.

"Planning on getting quite a bit?" I asked.

"Possibly," he said, taking care to neatly fold my outfit before putting it into the cart. "I'll probably buy at least a few shirts and pants, as I'm not too keen on polos and khakis, which is all I have right now."

I scrunched my nose, having never really thought Jasper looked like himself in those types of clothes. "Alright, Cowboy, onto the men's section we go!"

"Cowboy?" he asked quickly, stopping in his tracks and facing me.

"Did… did I say something wrong?" I asked, my heart suddenly racing because I couldn't read his expression. "I'm sorry, Jasper, I won't call you that again, I promise. I didn't mean..."

I stared up at him, worried that perhaps it was some nickname Alice had given him. The corner of his mouth twitched and I stood silently, trying to ignore the nervous tears that rose in my eyes. Slowly, the twitch turned into a lift, and finally his face lit with a bright grin. I instantly breathed a quiet sigh of relief, but I knew he heard me, for his lips parted, showing his beautifully white teeth as his grin grew to a full smile.

"No," he said quietly, staring back at me, an amused twinkle in his eyes, "it's just that no one has ever called me 'Cowboy' before. I used to get 'Major' a lot, back in the day, but never 'Cowboy'. I kinda like it."

I bit my lip, my heart slowly returning to its normal pace. "Really?" I asked, wondering if he was just humoring me and my big mouth.

"Really," he confirmed with a deep chuckle.

I did my best not to let the shiver that ran down my spine show as his velvet chuckle filled my ears. "Good," I said quickly, controlling my emotions.

He looked at me for another moment, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I'm going to have to come up with a nickname for you though, Princess."

I wrinkled my nose. "Princess, really?"

He laughed and ran a hand absently through his hair. He was making this whole 'not reacting' thing _really_ difficult. "No, it isn't you at all. However, I did notice something interesting a little while ago."

When I realized he was not going to continue, I asked, "Oh, and what's that?"

"Whereas you shorten my name to 'Jazz', I elongate yours to 'Isabella'. I just thought it was amusing."

I couldn't help but giggle slightly at his observation. "That's true," I said.

His eyebrows came together. "Why is that?" he asked.

"What?" I asked back, confused as to what exactly he was asking.

He laughed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Sorry, I was having a side conversation with myself." I simply stared at him, still not understanding. "Oh, right, well, I had noticed it always irritated you when someone used your full name. But you don't get mad at me…. Why is that?"

I decided it would be best not to lie to Jasper; he always seemed to know, so there was really no point.

"It just doesn't feel weird to me," I explained with a shrug. "I don't know if it's the _way_ you say it, but it just doesn't sound wrong coming from you."

"Hmm," he said, his eyes still not wavering from mine. "Good enough, I suppose."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I apologize if it's not a good enough reason for you."

"Oh, no," he said quickly, "I was just curious, that's all. Whatever your reasoning may be, it's more than acceptable. How about… Skipper?"

I laughed loudly. "Why?"

He shrugged. "I had a dog named Skipper once."

I gaped at him. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

His blonde eyebrows pulled together before sudden realization crossed his face and he looked positively mortified.

"Oh, no!" he said quickly. "No, no I wasn't calling you a bitch; Skipper was a boy."

"Yeah, that makes it better," I said, laughing.

He ran a hand through his hair again. "I'm so sorry," he said, "it was the first thing that popped into my head."

I was still laughing even though he looked worried. "No, that's alright, Jazz, it was just really funny."

"If you think so," he said, starting to look more normal.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Come on, Cowboy; let's go find you some gear. You can think up nicknames later."

He chuckled that deep chuckle again and grabbed the back of the cart, trailing it behind us as we made our way to men's apparel. We spread out, taking our time to look through the many racks of clothes. I scanned through every medium shirt, but not able to see him wearing any of them. So I switched over to the jeans. I found quite a few 34-34s that I thought would work before going in search of Jasper. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw that he had only shirts, no pants, slung over his arm.

"Hey, find anything good?" he asked when I got within range.

"Oh, a few," I said.

He looked at my arms and laughed as I had. "Well, that's cute," he said, still laughing. "Seems we even each other out, huh?"

I raised my eyebrow at him. "We still need to find you a hat," I pointed out, choosing to ignore his previous statement.

He pursed his lips slightly and looked about the store. "True," he said. "I'll go find one really quick; meet me back at the dressing rooms with the cart."

Before I could agree, he hung the shirts over the edge of the cart and briskly walked away. I shook my head and walked over to the dressing rooms, picking up a thing or two on the way there if they caught my eye. I wasn't surprised to see he was already there, waiting for me. I had to control the wave of want that ran through me as I eyed him, leaning against the doorframe, one booted foot propped in front of the other.

"Thought you'd never show up," he teased with a grin.

"Ha-ha, Jazz," I said, rolling my eyes and pushing the cart in his direction.

He caught the end of it and picked up the random clothes before winking at me and disappearing behind the door. I tried to think of anything else other than the fact that he was only a few feet away, probably very nearly naked. I fiddled with my boots, checked the time on my phone, counted a few ceiling tiles, all the while ignoring the fact that my brain was screaming at me to focus on a nearly-nude Jasper.

"Bella?"

I looked away from ceiling tile number 49, which was a little water-stained and crooked, to look at Jasper, who was once again leaning against the doorframe of the dressing room. My eyebrows came together as I realized he was dressed in the same clothes that he had been wearing before going in.

"I'm a little faster at the whole 'trying things on' process than you are, darlin'," he said with a laugh.

"Oh," I said lamely, staring at my shoes because I didn't know what else to say.

He chuckled and put a few pairs of jeans and shirts into the cart that was beside me. I noticed he chose all the jeans I had picked out, and I couldn't help but smile. "Would you like to see the outfit I chose to go dancing with you? Or did you want to wait?"

I bit the inside of my lip and looked up at him. "No, I'd like to see it."

He shot me a huge grin and walked back into the dressing room. I barely had time to shift in my seat before he was calling my name in order to get my attention again. I looked up and my mouth dropped open.

Jasper stood there, arms out and a small smile tugging his lips upward. In addition to his boots, he was wearing tight black jeans that hugged his thighs and his hips. He also had on a long-sleeved, two-toned blue striped button up that clung to his obviously muscular torso. To top it off, he had on a black cowboy hat, quite similar to mine, hanging low on his forehead. He spun, just as I had done, and I couldn't help admiring his well toned backside.

I quickly started thinking about dogs and popcorn – the first two non-sexual things that came popped into mind – in an attempt to mask my desire. Jasper raised an eyebrow at me for a moment, but then seemed to decide to leave it alone.

"So?" he asked. "What do you think?"

"You look…," I started, but shook my head, not knowing the words to use.

"That bad?" he asked, chuckling.

I laughed when I realized I had said the same thing earlier and I shook my head. "No, Cowboy, you look… fantastic. I really like it."

"Yeah, me too," he said. "Not too shabby?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not too shabby at all, Jasper."

He grinned and walked away without saying anything. I stood and arranged the things in the cart, folding the shirts and jeans he wanted and placing them in the cart before hanging the discarded ones over the edge. He came back out and folded his outfit before placing it atop the pile.

"So, did you find everything you wanted?" I asked.

"I think so," he said thoughtfully. "It's nice, being back in jeans and button ups and boots. Feels like home."

I smiled. "I'm glad you're happy, Jasper."

He smiled brilliantly and winked at me, causing me to blush. "Gettin' there, darlin'."

I shuffled my feet and changed the subject. "Do they have a place to leave these?" I asked, motioning to the clothes he didn't want.

"I'm not sure," he said, looking around. "Well, maybe we should just go put them back; I remember where they go."

"Sure," I agreed, simply because I didn't know what else to do.

We walked back over the men's section; I handed Jasper the shirts and he put them away. After only a few shirts, he looked at the cart in confusion.

"What?" I asked.

"I think I left a few shirts back in the dressing room, there's a few missing," he said, flipping through the folded shirts. "There was a really silly looking white and black one, but I really liked the material."

"I'll go grab them," I volunteered.

"You sure?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I'm sure," I said. "You finish putting these away, I'll be right back."

I found the shirts and took a moment to find the black and white one he had mentioned. I laughed as I held up the checkered shirt, knowing the only person who would be able to pull off something so ridiculous looking would be Jasper. I shook my head and took all of them off the hangers before folding them carefully over my arm. I had noticed that, although Jasper isn't too big on fashion, he still liked neat and tidy.

I decided to take a detour through women's apparel, looking for any last minute things. The toe of my beautiful boot caught the back of my other foot and I stumbled forward. I reached out to grab anything to stop my fall, and thankfully caught something just before I completely lost my footing.

I cursed and dropped Jasper's shirts as a sudden pain swept through my arm. I quickly assessed the top of my forearm and saw that there was a four inch gash and blood slowly seeping out of it. I had scraped my arm on one of the corners of a metal rack I just happened to be beside.

I suddenly heard a low growl and looked up to see Jasper not three feet away. It was déjà vu, the way his knees bent slightly into a semi-crouch, his eyes instantly darkening, and his lips slowly pulling back over his teeth. My next thought was 'I know he can stop before he kills me'.

_A/N - Please take two seconds out to review! I always do appreciate the feedback!_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper. Also, I do not own any of the movies mentioned in this chapter, they belong to their respected production companies.

Massive amounts of love and appreciation to everyone who has reviewed and/or added this to your favorites and alerts.

A huge thank you to the wonderful MaBarberElla for stepping in for Sarah and beta reading this.

**Jasper's POV**

_Blood… blood… her blood… her blood… her blood… Bella's blood… Bella's blood… _Bella's _blood… _Bella. **BELLA**.

Panic would have made sense for her to feel in that moment, a little bit of fear at the very least. But not her; not my Bella. I had learned long ago to ignore those emotions, to not thrive off of them or they would drive me to attack. Before I had learned to control it, my prey's fear always washed over me, taking me over and fueling my instinct to strike before they did. I lived a long time in a world that was 'kill or be killed'. At first I assumed it was her body shutting down and not being able to feel at all, but that thought was quickly banished as I felt new emotions being thrust my way.

Projecting. _She_ was projecting. Not fear, not worry, not even a little concern. She was confident, calm and collected. She made a particular emotion stronger than all the rest – faith. Faith in _me_. The feelings were so strong it caused me to pause. That pause easily saved her life. I couldn't say for sure that I would have been able to keep from attacking her otherwise; we had been so comfortable and so touchy that I had let down my guard, not really keeping up with the mental exercises I had learned when joining the Cullens.

When her emotions hit me, I forced myself to go through all the steps in my head, reminding myself she was not an enemy, but a friend, and the only one I had at that. But dear Lord, her blood did something to me that left me completely stunned for longer than what any other human's had ever managed to do. Perhaps it was because I had deprived myself of living near people for nearly a year and a half and she stood no more than three feet from me, dripping blood. But for some reason, that didn't really seem to matter. What _did_ matter was that I hadn't moved, I hadn't attacked, and she was still standing there, her arm bleeding and her eyes trained on me.

"Jasper?" she asked, trust and patience clear in her eyes.

I slowly brought myself back up to full height, not able to tear my eyes away from hers. I took one step forward, not breathing, and, when she didn't instantly move away, I continued toward her. She smiled, actually _smiled_ at me when I ended up not more than a few inches away from her, the burn in my throat slowly ebbing to a more controllable level.

"Fantastic," she said proudly.

My God, she really was something from a different world. And had no sense of self-preservation.

"I… I am so sorry, Bella," I said, confused by her emotions and thoroughly disgusted with myself.

"No!" she said quickly. "No, Jazz, you did so well! Look! I'm alive!"

"Now is not a time for joking, Isabella," I said seriously, frustrated with her lack of understanding of just how lucky she was.

"Jasper!" she reprimanded. "Look at us! Look at _you_. You reacted the way any of your family would have, and you stopped yourself before anything bad happened. That's a _good_ thing, silly."

"I – I suppose," I stuttered.

"Do you trust me?" she asked quickly, leaving me no time to reply further.

"Yes," I said instantly.

"Breathe."

"Excuse me?" I asked, knowing I had to of heard her wrong. She may be different from most humans, but she surely couldn't have a death wish.

"Breathe," she repeated, confirming she was losing it completely. "Just a short, little inhale, Cowboy."

"Are you out of your mind?" I asked harshly.

She flinched at my hard tone. "No," she said firmly, "I know you can do this, Jasper."

Bella's faith in me was so overwhelming that I couldn't help myself. I knew it was a bad idea – what good could come of this? But who was I to deny her request?

"Alright," I said finally. "However, if it even looks like I'm going to move toward you, scream. Do you understand?"

She nodded her head quickly. "There's a clerk not too far from where we are; he'll hear me."

I couldn't help but chuckle at her misunderstanding. "No, Bella. You honestly think he could stop me?"

"No," she said, chuckling also. "Would it help break your bloodlust?"

I stared at her for a moment. "Precisely," I said, stunned. "Promise me you'll do whatever it takes to get my attention if this goes bad, alright?"

"I promise," she said, that wide smile still on her face. "But it won't. Trust me."

_Bella. Bella trusts you. She knows you won't hurt her. You can do this. Do this for Bella. Show her that you aren't a monster. She knows it already, but prove it to her, and yourself. This is for her. For Bella. She needs this, you need this. She deserves the best, and you can be that, just show her._

After my little pep talk, I took in a diminutive breath, a sharp burn rising in my throat. I kept my focus locked on her brown eyes, her name playing through my mind repeatedly. Friend, not enemy. I took a slightly larger breath, the burn in my throat increasing, but my control was still a hundred percent. I exhaled unnecessarily before taking my biggest breath yet. I closed my eyes as a horrific fire overtook my throat and mouth, venom pooling beneath my tongue.

Did I want to bite her and drink her dry? Yes. Was I going to? Hell no.

"Wonderful," she practically squealed. "Look at me."

I opened my eyes and cut my breathing, not wanting to push it. "You're still here," I said dryly.

"Why are you being like this?" she asked, her face turning into a frown.

I groaned, irritated that she was oblivious to the danger she was putting herself in, and even angrier with myself for being the one to put her there. I didn't even really know _why_ I had done it, honestly. Her sincere emotions wound around me so tightly, they were sometimes too much; they were like a heated blanket wrapping around me, comforting me, making me forget my self-doubt and my true nature. I had done what she'd asked without really thinking about it. I wasn't sure I liked that.

"Bella," I practically pleaded, "never do that again. That was stupid on both our parts. I'm sorry." A persistent, nagging thought at the back of my mind pushed its way forward and I took in the fact that her arm was still bleeding. I resisted breathing, wanting nothing more than to let that sweet, sweet smell take me over again, and perhaps even drag my tongue across the red heaven leaking from her arm… With that wandering thought, I quickly snapped my eyes back to hers and muttered, "We need to get that cleaned. Now."

"No," she said, her hands going to her hips. "Not until you knock this shit off."

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, taken back by her language.

"Jasper, you just don't get it!" she nearly screamed.

"Neither do you!" I shot back.

"Oh my God!" she groaned, and I felt her frustration as strongly as my own. "Yes, I get it, you _could have _attacked me! I got it! We're clear on that."

"Yeah," I said, not knowing where she was going with this. "What's your point?"

"You _could have_, but you _didn't_!" she said, throwing her arms up in the air. "You've been standing in front of me with my arm bleeding for five minutes, and you haven't bitten me. You haven't even tried."

"I thought about it, though, and –"

"Yes, _thought_ about it," she said, cutting me off. "But you didn't."

"Well, no," I finally conceded.

"This is a good thing, Jasper," she pointed out.

I thought about that for a minute, finally understanding what she was saying. She was complimenting me. She was telling me that she was impressed with me for not attacking her. I felt pride rise up in me, and Bella, who was now smiling at me, mirrored it.

I cleared my throat. "We really need to get that cleaned up," I said.

"Oh," she said, glancing as her bloodied arm. "It really isn't that bad. I've had a lot worse."

I rolled my eyes. "Let's get it cleaned up anyway."

It was her turn to roll her eyes. "If we must," she said, the joking tone she used instantly putting me at ease.

We quickly made our way to the front desk and I asked if they had a first aid kit. The woman behind the counter disappeared for a moment before returning with a bottle of water and a small box of various wound cleaning paraphernalia. Without thinking, I grabbed the paper towels the cashier placed next to the bottle of water and ripped off a few sheets. Bella stared at me, a grin on her face as I poured some of the water onto the paper towels and wiped the dried blood from around the cut. I was gentle and precise, fascinated with the fact that I was suddenly more concerned for her well-being than I was for her blood. It helped that I didn't breathe, though. But that was neither here nor there.

As I wiped the blood off her arm, I barely contained the strong urge to bring her arm to my lips and it clean it with my tongue instead of paper towels. I just wanted to taste that sweet smelling liquid that was still slowly seeping from her wound. I pictured her throwing her head back in ecstasy as I pulled her body flush against my own, her flesh in my mouth, her blood sliding down my throat. I licked my lips and I felt my eyes flutter for a moment as a slow burn rose in my throat. I wanted to slam her against a wall, sink my teeth in her warm, soft skin, and drink from her like a man dying of thirst. I wanted nothing more than to pull her bottom lip into my mouth and make just a small puncture mark, allowing me to be able to taste and feel both her alluring blood and the wonderful warmth of her tongue against mine.

"Jazz?"

My head snapped up and I met her eyes. Her eyebrows were creased in what I could only describe as worried curiosity. I didn't reply, because I was too shocked with myself that I couldn't find my voice. I shook my head and she didn't question me as I went back to cleaning off her arm with the paper towel. After making sure the cut and surrounding area was completely clear of blood, I found the Neosporin within the kit. I dabbed a little on the gash before gently laying a gauze pad on it, meticulously taping it to her skin, careful not to use too much, but enough to keep it from falling off.

She watched me intently the whole time, and that made me a little nervous, as I already felt vulnerable after what had happened between us. As much as I loved a good challenge, I didn't like using her as a lab rat. Maybe I could convince her to use one of those annoying girls who used to talk about Bella behind her back as a lab rat. She could make various incisions along the worthless human's so I could better test my control.

_No_, I said to myself, _no human is worthless. Some are just dumber than the rest._

"What are you thinking about?" she asked me and I realized I was still holding her arm and staring off into space.

"Nothing," I replied, smiling. "Are you almost ready to go?"

"Yeah, we just need to go back and grab all the clothes."

Without speaking, Bella and I walked back and grabbed the discarded clothing. We made it back to the same cashier and she rang us up – nearly a thousand dollars. Bella blanched, but thankfully stayed quiet. I still felt so exposed that I would have walked away if she said she didn't want me to pay for anything.

"Are you hungry?" I asked as we carried the bags to the car.

"A little," she said, glancing up at me. "Could we just get something on the way back? Just some drive-through fast-food maybe?"

"Sure," I said, ready to agree to anything she wanted. "Are you sure you don't want to sit down and eat somewhere?"

"Positive," she said quickly. "I'd rather just get back to the house."

"Did you want me to drop you off at home and bring your truck later?"

She confused me by laughing. "Ready to get rid of me already?"

"What do you mean?"

She sighed and bumped her shoulder into my arm as we reached the car. "I thought I'd come back to the house with you, rather than going home. It's still fairly early. I mean, that's fine if you don't want company, you can just drop me off."

I opened the trunk and deposited the bags, trying to contain my smile. "No," I said smoothly, "I'd love for you to keep me company for awhile."

Bella smiled at me and I hurried to the passenger side door to open it for her. Without a word, she gently patted my upper arm before climbing in. We chatted happily the whole way back, deciding not to stop because we still had food back at the house. I noticed that she kept staring at her boots with a feel of appreciation and contentment her primary emotions, making me beyond happy.

The sun was setting when we got back to the house and I immediately ran the bags up to the spare bedroom, not really wanting to be back in the room I had shared with Alice. When I came back down, Bella was still standing in the foyer, looking unsure. I told her to go sit in the living room while I reheated a few pieces of pizza and grabbed a soda from the fridge, which I had ordered with the pizza.

Bella was on the longer of the two couches, her legs tucked beneath her, staring out the large bay window. She looked up when I walked further into the room.

"Oh, Jasper," she said, sighing. "You didn't have to do that, I would have gotten it."

I shrugged. "I don't mind, really."

She smiled, taking the plate and glass. I sat down, leaving a cushion between us, unsure if she'd want me closer or not. I reminded myself I was trying to keep up with the whole 'I think about you in a completely platonic way' façade and quickly thought of 'safe' things to do.

"Would you like to watch a movie?" I asked just as she bit into her pizza.

"Sure," she said after a minute. "What movie?"

I shrugged. "We have quite a few of them. Esme loved films but hated going to see them in theaters, so she's bought nearly every movie that's ever been made."

Her eyes widened. "Seriously? Where do you keep all of them?"

I chuckled at her shocked expression. "In the movie room," I said.

"Well, of course," she said, still looking surprised.

"Anything coming to mind?" I asked. "There'd be no point in bringing you in there; there are literally thousands of them."

She took another bite of pizza, thinking it over. "What about… 'Interview with a Vampire'?"

I laughed loudly, thoroughly amused. "Oh, yes, that was Emmett's favorite."

Bella laughed at that. "Why am I not surprised?"

I shrugged. "Would anything about Emmett surprise you anymore?"

She shook her head, still laughing. "No, it really wouldn't."

I changed the subject, not wanting to think about Emmett; I really did miss him. "Did you really want to watch that one, or something else?"

"Hmmm." She took another bite of pizza and sipped her soda before replying. "Do you have any scary movies? Like 'The Grudge' or anything?"

I thought for a minute. "Yes," I said finally. "Is that the one you want, or just any scary movie?"

"I've never seen that one, so I guess that'll work."

"Do you even like scary movies?" I asked, the idea of her being a horror movie fan not matching up with the person I'd come to know.

She shrugged. "I don't mind them. Not my first choice, but it is getting really dark; it just feels like a scary movie kind of night."

I laughed and shook my head. "Whatever you say, Bella. I'll go grab it, you finish eating; it might take me a minute."

She nodded and I ran to Esme's movie room, which was just off the den with the piano. I powered through the massive amount of boxes, thankful they were ordered by year, the most recent dates at the front. It only took me ten minutes to find it, and I was extremely proud of myself. I had never personally seen the movie as it had always seemed rather unappealing.

I waved the case at her as I walked back in the room, and she smiled nervously at me. "What?" I asked, turning on the DVD player and changing the TV to the right channel.

"I'm a baby when it comes to scary movies," she admitted.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "So why did you want to watch one?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I like scary movies, I'm just really jumpy."

"Do you still want to watch it?" I asked, my hand hovering over the tray to the DVD player.

She nodded, so I pushed it in. The previews started and I hit the menu button, waiting for the weird images to run their course before pressing play. She put her empty plate and cup on the end table before turning her eyes back to the screen, a mild fear already climbing into her emotions.

"Alright," I said finally, holding out my arm, not able to take it, "get over here."

Without hesitation, Bella scrambled across the cushion between us, scooting beneath my outstretched arm. Instead of putting it around her shoulders, she grasped it and pulled it across her lap, hugging it to her before molding her side into mine, her cheek resting against my upper arm. I smiled and rested my arm against her legs that were curled up on the sofa, stroking her calf through her jeans comfortingly.

The movie was quite terrible. There wasn't really any blood and gore, it was just… weird. Bella jumped in all the appropriate places, and I tried my best to contain my laughter each time. The only part I jumped, even just a little, was at the part where the woman was looking up in the attic and the little boy was just kind of… there. That was the part where Bella screamed, and I think it was more her screaming that made me jump than the actual movie.

I didn't mind because, every time she was startled, she'd turn her face into my arm. I would always squeeze her leg and I could feel her mouth tilting into a smile before she'd look back at the screen. After the most frightening part, she grabbed my hand and held onto it for dear life, and I had to constantly remind myself that I couldn't grip her hand too tightly. She did wonderfully through the rest of it, though, and she was laughing by the end of it. Such an odd girl.

With Bella's consent, I turned on the TV after the movie was over and flipped through a few channels before settling on some random game show. Internally, I was jumping up and down, happy that Bella hadn't moved away after the movie was over. She only lasted about another hour, though, before she fell sound asleep. I glanced at the clock a few minutes later and realized it was already eleven o'clock. I cursed and gently scooped her up into my arms, wanting to make sure she and her truck were home well before her father was.

I curled her tightly against my chest and ran as fast as I could, trying my best not to disturb her sleeping form. Thankfully she didn't wake up once, and I made it there with her, back to grab her truck, and then back to her house before 11:35. The longest part of my journey was driving the truck back; I had to remember to ask her if I could tinker with it, try and make it run a little better. It sounded and felt like it needed an oil change, a new carburetor, and new sparkplugs and wires. If it had been anyone else, I would have just done it, but I knew Bella loved this truck, so I was going to talk to her about it first.

I cut the engine and the lights, making a mental note to mention the headlights were going dim, and jumped through her window. She was still sleeping, so I wrote her out a note again before leaving her keys on the desk. I stared at her for a few minutes, but I heard Charlie pull into the driveway. I took the time I knew it would take him to get into the house to gently kiss Bella's forehead, lingering for a moment to take in her smell before jumping back out the window just as her father closed the front door.

_A/N – Thanks for reading! Review and let me know what you thought! Thank you!_


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper. The places mentioned within this fanfiction are from my own imagination, and any similarity to any establishment is purely unintentional.

I am truly, truly sorry for the long wait. I have a ton of chapters written, I'm just having some beta issues. So, if there are any errors in this chapter, I am sincerely sorry.

**Bella's POV**

I knew I was at home, because I warm. Admittedly, I had been fairly cold last night, snuggled up against Jasper, but that hadn't mattered at all. On a hunch, I turned on my side, sliding my hand across the pillow until I felt paper. I giggled and excitedly kicked my feet before turning on my back and reading the letter.

_Dear Bella,_

_My apologies for not waking you, but you seemed so peaceful. I would have just left you where you were, but I didn't think your father would have approved of you being out all night without calling. So, if you're up to it, I have something planned today, for us, if you're game. Give me a call if you're interested. I hope you slept well._

_Yours,_

_Jasper_

I allowed myself a minute or two or ten to squeal and flail around in my bed, getting all my excited energy out. When I finished, I was so exhausted that I fell back asleep for a few minutes. When I woke up again, I shot straight up and rushed into the shower. I was so distracted that I accidently used the conditioner twice and squirted half a bottle of soap onto the floor, making the tub as slippery as an ice rink. I brushed my teeth and combed through my tangled hair, all the while failing to keep my towel on; multitasking wasn't really my thing.

Running to my bedroom, I noticed that Charlie's door was still closed, and I wondered what time he got in last night. I shrugged it off, deciding to let him sleep. I went back to my room and looked out my window, smiling when I saw it was overcast. I touched the glass and shivered – it was cold. I briefly glanced at the clock, not surprised it was only eight in the morning. I decided on jeans and a long sleeved black sweater. After I pulled the sweater over my head, I ran to my bed and tucked Jasper's sweater more fully underneath my pillow.

I grabbed my phone and made my way downstairs, slowing my pace when I nearly slipped. I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat at the table, wondering what Jasper had planned. My heart thumped with excitement, but I willed it to calm down. After a few minutes, I realized I'd only pushed around my cereal rather than eating it. I rolled my eyes and dumped the contents – I hated soggy cereal. I patiently washed my bowl and put away all of my things before opening my phone.

I scrolled through the few names until I found Jasper's and then hit the call button. He answered on the second ring.

"Good morning, sunshine."

I smiled and sat back at the kitchen table, sliding my feet into the chair across from me. "Morning," I said, chewing my lip. I wondered if he could feel my emotions through the phone… I'd have to ask him sometime.

"How are you?" he asked, and I hear could the smile in his voice, which made me smile more.

"Good," I said, fiddling with the edge of the table. "How are you?"

"Happy you're awake," he said with a chuckle, but then cleared his throat. "I mean, did you read my note?"

"Yes," I said. "What did you have in mind?"

He didn't answer for a minute. "I don't think I'm going to tell you," he said finally. "I know you aren't keen on surprises, but it _would_ kind of ruin the whole thing, don't you think?"

I laughed and decided to play along. "Alright," I sighed, "I trust you. When did you want to go?"

"One thing first," he said. "Have you had breakfast yet?"

"Uh, no, not exactly," I said, feeling kind of stupid for wasting my cereal.

"Oh, good," he said, and I raised my eyebrow, even though he couldn't see me. "Want to go out for breakfast?"

"I don't think venison is really a morning food," I jibed.

I could practically hear him rolling his eyes. "Bella, Bella, Bella," he sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Take me to breakfast, obviously," I said, laughing.

Jasper mumbled something I didn't hear, but he didn't leave me time to say anything. "Alright, are you ready to go now, or did you need a little bit?"

"Now's fine," I said quickly, but then cringed as I realized I sounded a little too anxious.

"Good," he said, unfazed by my overdone response. "I'll see you in a minute. Bye."

"Bye," I said before closing my phone, cutting the connection.

"Morning."

I screamed and jumped, nearly falling out of my chair. I looked up and saw a very disheveled-looking Charlie.

"Jeez, Dad, don't do that," I said, putting my hand over my racing heart.

"Sorry, kid," he said, rubbing his eyes. "Long night."

"Yeah, I can tell."

He was still wearing his pajamas – flannel pants and a plain black t-shirt. His dark hair stuck up all over the place and the stubble along his jaw made me wonder when he had shaved last. He walked to the fridge and pulled out a pizza box, taking a few pieces and putting them on a plate before sticking them in the microwave. I suddenly realized it was the same pizza that Jasper had gotten me yesterday, but I kept my face unreadable.

"So, what are you up to today?" he asked, putting the pizza box back into the fridge.

I worried my bottom lip, trying to decide whether or not I should tell him. "Hanging with a friend," I said finally.

"Yeah?" he asked, glancing at me. "Same friend you went with to Seattle yesterday?"

Damn it. I didn't want to lie to him, but I worried about what he'd say. "Yes."

"Ah," he said, pulling the pizza out before the microwave had the chance to 'ding'. "Is he coming to pick you up?"

"Yeah," I said, but then I realized that Charlie said 'he'.

He smiled at me. "I'm not an idiot, Bells; people talk when the Cullens are around."

I gaped at him. "Dad, I…"

He held up a hand. "I know it's not Edward," he said, and I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. "It's Jasper, right?"

I nodded my head dumbly. "How did you know?"

Charlie rolled his eyes and took a bite of pizza. "Jasper volunteered for a while at the station, just doing filing and helping out with paperwork and whatnot. He said it would look good on his college applications, and we were really shorthanded, so it worked out for the best."

Before I could say anything else, the sound of the doorbell rang throughout the house. I jumped out of my seat, but Charlie somehow beat me to it.

"Sit," he said sternly, and I couldn't help but listen. I wasn't used to Charlie taking charge… it was weird.

I strained in my chair so I could hear them down the hall.

"Chief Swan."

I smiled as I heard Jasper.

"Jasper, nice to see you again."

"You too, sir."

"Now, there's no need for the 'sir' crap anymore, is there?"

My eyes widened and I about fell out of my chair when I heard Jasper laugh. Charlie never once said anything like that to Edward in the time they were around each other; what was going on? I pinched myself, thinking I still had to be sleeping – nope, not dreaming.

"My apologies, but I was raised right, Chief Swan."

I rolled my eyes. Charmer.

"Well, alright," Charlie said awkwardly. "Come on in, she's been waiting for you."

I nearly groaned. Now was _not_ the time for my dad to be embarrassing me. However, I couldn't help but smile when Jasper walked into the room, his eyes nervous as Charlie followed closely behind. Jasper's face lit up with a smile when he saw me and I forced myself to think of something else as I took in Jasper's appearance. He was wearing one of those button ups – the light blue one I really liked – and also a pair of those dark, snug jeans that he looked so good in. The cowboy boots and slick looking blonde curls didn't help, but I managed… I think.

"Have a seat," Charlie said, walking around Jasper and sitting back down.

Jasper glanced at what Charlie was eating and I could see the amusement in his eyes. "Actually, sir, I was just coming to pick Bella up."

"Where are you going?" Charlie asked, and I restrained myself from telling him to hush.

Jasper looked at me before turning his attention back to Charlie. "I'm taking her to breakfast, and then I have a surprise for her."

"Really?" Charlie asked, glancing up at Jasper. "How late do you plan on being? Not that it really matters; she is nineteen."

Jasper chuckled. "It is your business; she's still your daughter." Brownie point for Jasper. "How late is too late, sir?"

Charlie glanced between Jasper and me, obviously surprised. "I think that two o'clock would be appropriate."

"Dad," I finally said, "how do you know that what Jasper has planned won't take more than a few hours?"

Charlie looked at me as if I was crazy, and I saw Jasper stifle a laugh. "In the _morning_, kiddo," Charlie said, shaking his head.

I nearly choked. "Oh," I said dumbly. "Well… well, that's alright, I guess."

"No later than two, though," he said sternly, looking at Jasper.

"That won't be a problem, sir," Jasper replied smoothly before turning back to me. "Ready?"

"Yeah," I said, still staring at Charlie, dumbfounded.

"See you later, Bells," he said cheerfully, still chomping away on his pizza.

I stood, dazed, and hugged my dad quickly before following Jasper out of the house. "Bye, Dad!" I yelled just before closing the door.

"Good morning," Jasper said once we were outside. He bumped his arm into mine and I smiled up at him, glad to see him in such a good mood.

"Weird morning," I said, shaking my head.

Jasper laughed.

A sudden thought came to me, and I couldn't help but ask him, "Did you… did you do that?"

Jasper raised an eyebrow at me as we reached the car. "Do what?" he asked innocently.

"Manipulate Charlie's emotions?" I asked.

Jasper looked appalled. "No," he said quickly. "Bella, I wouldn't do that to your father unless it was _absolutely_ necessary."

I felt myself relax. I didn't know why it was so important, but I was really glad that he hadn't. It was good knowing that Charlie approved of Jasper. I never said anything to Edward, but it used to really bother me that Charlie hadn't liked him, so it was a nice change of pace. We got into the car and Jasper pulled away from the curb, heading toward the highway.

"So," I said, curiosity getting the better of me, "why didn't anyone, especially you, tell me that you volunteered down at the station?"

Jasper chuckled. "Honestly, I didn't even think of it. One day I was getting bored, just sitting around, and went for a drive. I passed the station and it just sort of popped into my head, and your dad was nice enough to let me work there a few days a week. It was just before you moved up, and I only did it for a month or two, so no one really thought it was important, I guess."

I nodded. "That makes sense," I said. "Did you enjoy it?"

He glanced at me quickly before turning back to the road. "Can I tell you something kind of silly?"

I raised my eyebrow, interested. "Of course."

Jasper shifted in his seat a little, looking uncomfortable. "I used to want to be a police officer," he said quietly. I didn't say anything, wanting him to talk on his own time. I didn't have to wait too long. "I used to be a major in Texas, and I really did enjoy helping people, even though it was a time of war and it was more killing than saving lives, but I enjoyed it anyway. But, in truth, I thought it would balance out how horrible I had been before. I thought that if I were catching the bad guys, it would make up for me having been one back then."

I wanted to tell him how wrong he was, but I knew that he wouldn't agree.

"So why didn't you enroll for the academy?"

I decided to ask him about the present, rather than the past, because I didn't want to push him to tell me his story. I knew he'd tell me in his own time, but I couldn't help but wonder which war he was talking about. I assumed it was the Civil War, making him older than all the Cullens, other than Carlisle, and I had to suppress my interest.

He looked a little surprised that I had asked that. "Well, it would look a little funny, don't you think? I might be able to go through the academy, and even go for a year or two as a police officer, but people would notice I wasn't getting older. The stations are so close-knit that they would be concerned if I just left. I could easily make fake birth certificates and social security cards, but I would have to quit every five years or so, wait a few decades, and then go through the whole thing again. And that's only if they don't do physicals anymore. I'd probably be able to find a way around those, though."

"Sounds like a pain," I said. "However, you could always just do it, just once. After a few years, tell them the job is just too much; Charlie says that happens all the time."

He glanced at me again, a slow smile creeping onto his face. "Maybe," he said, and it sounded as though that was all he wanted to say on the matter, so I let it drop.

We didn't say anything until we reached a diner quite a ways out of town, and I was suddenly worried when I saw a flicker of pain cross his face as we pulled into the small parking lot. We sat in the parking lot for awhile, Jasper just staring at the old wooden building that was tucked in between large trees, not visible from the main road. It was one of those hole-in-the-wall places, quaint but homey. To me it seemed like it was made only for locals, as it didn't even have a name on the outside of the building, no markers along the road pointing outsiders to it.

"Carlisle and I used to come here," Jasper said quietly after a few minutes. "If he had a really bad day, like losing a child or some other mishap, we'd come here, and I'd let him tell me all about it before helping him with my gift."

"Why didn't you do it closer to the house?" I asked.

Jasper chuckled lightly, but it was humorless. "He didn't want anyone else to know," he explained, sighing. "We were far enough that Edward couldn't hear our thoughts, and no one else could feel me projecting. He has lost many people on the table over the decades I've known him, but it was never easy for him. He wanted to change all of them, even if it was an eighty year old man who had a heart attack; he wanted to save everyone."

"I can see that," I said with a slight smile. I had always admired Carlisle. "I don't want this to offend you, Jasper, but why you? Why not Esme?"

He glanced at me quickly, and the smile I saw on his face told me I hadn't said anything wrong. "Because the guilt he felt over it used to eat me alive. I used to have to leave for a week anytime he lost someone. I always tried to keep it to myself, but I've always had constant guilt over what I did before joining the Cullens. Carlisle's guilt was too strong for me to be able to compose myself enough to help him."

I thought about that for a minute. "So how did you end up coming here then?"

Jasper laughed, a far off look in his eyes. "I ran off once, when he lost an elderly woman to a massive stroke, and he followed me. We were just over there," he said, pointing out my window, "on the edge of those trees, and I stopped because I could smell humans. Carlisle controlled his emotions long enough for me to be able to get a grip on mine, and we ended up sitting down to talk."

"I bet the servers were curious as to why you two were just sitting there, not ordering anything," I said.

He smiled at me. "At first, I suppose they were, but I wasn't really paying them any mind." He paused for a few minutes, just looking at me. "This is going to sound odd."

I shrugged. "I'm kind of used to odd, Cowboy."

Jasper's smile widened briefly, but then his face fell back into a serious expression. "It was… masochistic, in a way," he said slowly, choosing his words. "We fed off each other's guilt and brought ourselves to our lowest before allowing ourselves to feel better."

Well, to me that made sense, but I waited for him to continue.

"He would tell me their name, their age, their height, weight, eye color, hair color, cause of death, their family members. He made me want to save them, to feel as horrible as he did." Jasper sighed and raked his hand over his face. He was quiet for awhile; I waited. "And every time, I would tell him one, just one, of my many horror stories. I'd tell him about the people we massacred for no reason, time and time again; of the men, women and children who were taken down for _nothing_."

Without thinking, I reached across the middle console and placed my hand atop his clenched fist. He let out a huge breath, his eyes closing. He took my hand in his and brought it to his face, brushing his cheek over my knuckles before resting his forehead against the back of my hand.

"One day, Bella," he whispered. "One day I'd like to tell you about my past."

"I'd love to hear it," I whispered back. "Whenever you're ready, Jasper, I'll be here to listen."

He smiled ruefully and kissed my hand. "Hungry?" he asked, opening his eyes and cocking his head to the side to look at me, my hand now against his cheek.

"A little," I said.

"Well," he said, sighing and letting my hand go slowly, lingering as his fingertips slid off mine, "let's go then, we have a lot to do today."

Inside, the diner was nearly empty, only one or two other couples and a small group of lumberjacks took refuge within it. Everyone turned and looked at us when we walked in. I assume Jasper felt my nerves twitch, and he put his hand at the small of my back, guiding me to the 'Please Wait to be Seated' sign. A teenage boy, no more than fifteen, smiled and greeted us kindly before showing us to a booth in the back corner of the diner.

Jasper ordered coffee, waving off the suggestion of the daily breakfast special, commenting that he wasn't all that hungry. I ordered the stuffed hash browns – two layers of stripped, fried potatoes with onions, cheese, and sausage in the middle. Jasper watched me intently as I squirted ketchup on top of the whole thing before taking a bite. I couldn't help the moan that left me as the different flavors exploded in my mouth.

"Oh my God, it's so good," I groaned.

Jasper chuckled, leaning back in his seat with a pleased smile on his face. "I'm very glad you like it."

I waved him away, wiping the corner of my mouth with my napkin. "Don't watch me eat," I pleaded.

He mumbled something and picked up the newspaper he had grabbed on the way in. The greeter/waiter came back over and asked if there was anything else we needed. Jasper looked at me and I shook my head no. The boy asked if it was one check or two, and of course Jasper spoke up and said one. I rolled my eyes but said nothing – what was the point?

We got back into the car awhile later and started on our way to wherever it was he was taking me. He told me more stories about his trip to Austria, which is where he spent most of his time. It was about an hour and a half drive, and I laughed so hard my sides hurt when he pulled in to our destination, a large neon sign greeting us with "Not So Mini-Golfing. Fun for the whole family".

"What's wrong with mini-golfing?" he asked incredulously.

I sucked in a breath, trying to calm my laughter. "You just drove nearly two and a half hours to go _mini-golfing_?"

"I'm sorry," he murmured, his face falling.

I sobered instantly. "Oh, Jazz," I sighed. "I'm so sorry. I just… I've never been mini-golfing, so it seemed kind of strange to me. But I bet it'll be fun."

Jasper smiled a little. "I hope so."

"Have you ever been?" I asked.

"Once, with Rosalie," he said, his nose crinkling as he made a face.

I giggled. "Oh, I bet that was fun."

"It was… when she wasn't around," he said, laughing. "We didn't go to this one, but I've heard this is the best in the state."

As we entered the large grey building, I realized it was anything but just plain old mini-golfing; this was a mini-golfing _palace_. The Not So Mini-Golfing's golf course was all indoors; the square footage was at least a few thousand. The color scheme was intense, no inch of the inside was anything but brightly colored; it felt like I had just walked into Wonderland. In a surreal realization, I saw that I _was_ in Wonderland… Not So Mini-Golfing style. I had been so taken with the colors that I hadn't realized it was Alice and Wonderland themed. The walls were covered in multi-colored mushrooms surrounded by tea parties and alive-looking trees. There were character portraits that spanned the three stories, all in various positions and scenes.

"Ready to play?"

I turned around and saw Jasper standing there, and I couldn't help but laugh. Held in his left arm were two golf clubs, both Styrofoam and gigantic. They didn't quite stretch out to match his six-foot, three-inch frame, but they came close. In his other arm, he was carrying two balls, one green, one orange. They were big enough to easily cover my entire head. I gaped at him, confused but interested.

I suddenly got it. "Oh!" I said, slapping myself in the forehead. "_Not so mini_!"

Jasper laughed and tossed me the orange ball, and I was surprised how lightweight it was.

"Yeah," he chuckled, "I didn't know until I got up there."

"This is going to be interesting," I said, reaching out to take my matching orange club, which could not have been more than two pounds.

"Extremely interesting," he agreed. "Ready?"

"Yes!" I said excitedly. "I'm going to kick your ass!"

_A/N – Please take just a moment out to review! Thank you!_


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper. The places mentioned within this fanfiction are from my own imagination, and any similarity to any establishment is purely unintentional.

Once again, I am so sorry about the wait for this chapter. I'm still having some beta issues, but it's unfair to make you wait so long. So, here it is. Thank you for your patience and all your kind words, I truly appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Jasper's POV**

Her enthusiasm spurred on my own and we all but ran to the massive door that led to the course. We both laughed loudly as we stepped into the hallway. When we walked over the threshold, black lights came on overhead, and sudden images appeared on the wall, looking as though they'd been drawn on with highlighters – so bright and colorful.

"Oh my God," Bella choked out over her laughter. "Oh, Jazz, this is so weird!"

"Come on, giggles," I said, stifling my laughter, "let's get on with it. I'm awaiting that 'ass beating', as you so sweetly put it."

Bella bit her lip to keep from laughing, but she lost it when she looked at me again.

"What?" I asked, not able to silence my laughter anymore – her laugh was too contagious.

"Look… look at yourself," she said, tears streaming down her face.

I raised my eyebrow, but complied. "Holy shit," I said, turning my hand this way and that.

_I_ was glowing. The black lights coated my skin, somehow causing it to shine just as brightly as the paintings on the walls, just not as colorful. My skin didn't sparkle, as it did in the sun; I looked like a white glow stick, and Bella thought that was _hilarious_. I quietly breathed a sigh of relief when I noticed that my scars, which would usually be visible to the human eye under a spotlight, were so bright that they just mixed in with the rest of my skin, making them undistinguishable to her.

I rolled my eyes at her when I realized she wasn't going to stop laughing any time soon. Instead of waiting for her to laugh herself to death, I walked behind her and grabbed her around the waist and lifted her off the floor, holding her back against my side. Bella squealed and kicked her feet for a minute before breaking down into giggles again. I groaned when we made it to the end of the hall only to see that the course itself was lit by black lights.

I had to admit that it was a sight to behold, though. There were plants and trees and cardboard cutouts of all the characters throughout the massive course. Only when I started to really worry about Bella's breathing did I put her down. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and scrolled through my call list quickly before finding the number I was looking for.

"Not So Mini-Golfing, this is Janice speaking, how may I assist you?"

"Hello, Janice, this is Jasper," I said.

"Oh, Mr. Whitlock, are there any problems?" she asked sweetly.

I sighed. "Yes, my female cohort is terrified of black lights, is there any way to switch to the normal lights?"

"Of course, Mr. Whitlock," she said. "Some find the black lights quite frightening. Anyhow, yes, give me just a moment; I'll switch them over for you and your lady."

"Thank you," I said sincerely before ending the call.

I suddenly noticed that Bella wasn't laughing anymore. I looked at her and took a step backwards. She was glaring at me, her eyes narrowed and her hands on her hips, the enormous club and ball on the floor at her feet. Uh-oh.

"Terrified of the black lights?" she practically growled.

I shifted my eyes around, feeling bad. "What was I supposed to tell her? I couldn't tell her that I needed them switched over because you couldn't stop laughing at me because I _glow_ in the black lights," I reasoned.

Bella pursed her lips, thinking this over. "You still could have come up with something less rude."

I dropped my club and ball before crossing my arms over my chest. "Want me to call her back?" I asked.

I did my best not to laugh as Bella tapped her foot impatiently. "No," she said.

I couldn't help it – I threw her a heavy wave of calm, and watched as her face and stance relaxed until she was practically drooling. So much for fighting fair.

"Now," I said, still sending her heavy waves of calm, "you are going to be angry when I let this up." She shook her head 'no', looking dazed. "However, I'm doing this for the sake of day, alright?"

"Mmmhmm," she said, looking pleasantly spaced out.

"I want this to be a good day," I said, almost pleadingly. "So, don't be mad at me. I'm sorry, really. It was the first thing that popped into my head, and I didn't really think about it."

The lights switched over, bright overhead lights illuminating the whole room and I lost my focus. It took Bella a minute to come back to her normal self, and I just stood there, nervously waiting. Her lips pursed again and she stared at me for a minute before sighing, looking defeated.

"Alright, Cowboy," she sighed, "I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to overreact."

"I forgive you," I said teasingly, ignoring the shiver than ran down my spine every time she called me 'Cowboy'. "Now, pick up your club, let's play!"

She laughed and obliged my request, struggling to find a way to hold the club. I chuckled low enough for her not to hear, and I walked up behind her.

"Want some help?" I asked.

I saw her shiver slightly, but she answered me before I could ask her what was wrong. "Sure."

I grabbed her hips and turned her a little so her left side was facing the lane of green felt. "Okay," I said, putting my arms over hers, "right hand here, and left hand here." I put my hands on hers, directing her right one halfway down the club, her left a little higher. "Step back, just a little; line up the bottom of the club to the ball."

I stepped back with her, not letting an inch of air come between our bodies. I did my best to control my body's reaction to her, but it wasn't working very well. I was quite a bit taller than her, but somehow her very nice backside was pressed right against my crotch, and that was hard to ignore.

"How do I swing this?" she asked curiously, and I snapped out of it, refocusing.

I put my foot between hers and tapped the insides of her shoes with my boot. "Feet apart," I whispered, and she complied.

I barely contained the moan threatening to leave me when her bottom rubbed against me as she got situated. I shifted a little behind her, lining my body so it matched her stance. A small shudder ran down her spine and an odd emotion left her, but before I could really get a grip on it, it was gone. I thought it strange, so I sought out her emotions, ignoring the most present – excitement and concentration – and tried to find the minor ones, but I was shocked I couldn't. Why was she hiding her emotions from me?

"What next?" she asked, interrupting my thoughts.

I shook my head and decided to wait for awhile before asking her about her hiding her emotions; maybe I was just being paranoid.

"Turn the club, like so." I wedged the top of the foam club beneath her arm, letting it rest against both our sides. "Now, when you swing, make sure it's forward and the inside of the putter hits the ball, but don't bring it up like you see in real golf."

I guided her arms, the club slowly swinging to the left. "Oh," she said, "this is going to be almost impossible to get the ball to go anywhere."

I chuckled lightly. "It's all in the hips, Bella," I said. "Now, this is key, when you bring the club back, keep both your feet forward, okay?"

"Okay," she said, and I could tell she was concentrating hard.

"When you bring this back," I said, shaking her arms a little, indicating I was talking about the club, "put your weight on your right leg and lean into it. It helps sometimes if you point your left foot a little, but don't let your toes leave the ground. When you swing, redistribute your weight and swing your hips, just a little, when you bring the club to the ball. Now, remember, not a big swing… this _is_ mini-golfing."

Bella giggled a little and wiggled her hips, and I had to suppress another moan.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Yup," she said, but she didn't sound so ready.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I'm not really coordinated," she admitted.

I chuckled. "I know that," I said, but instantly regretted it as I felt her stiffen. "It's not a bad thing, Bella. Here, I'll help you with this first one, alright?"

"Okay," she said quietly.

"Keep your arms loose but your hands where they are," I directed before putting my left hand on her hip. "Now, just follow me, okay?"

She nodded. I pushed on her hip and bent my right leg, causing her to do the same. I pulled on her arm, and she pulled the club backwards. I gripped her hip and shifted back to the left, pushing on her hand. She followed my silent instructions, and we watched in amazement as the club connected with the ball, sending it down the lane, weaving from side to side before falling into the giant hole by the tree some fifty feet away.

There was a beat of silence before Bella threw the club in the air and screamed, pulling away from me only long enough to turn around and throw her arms around my neck. I hugged her back, laughing and picking her up, swinging her around in a circle before setting her back down.

"That was _awesome_!" she gushed, pulling back to look at me, a hundred-watt smile appearing on her face.

"Hole-in-one," I said proudly. "You are on your way to kicking my ass, Isabella Swan."

She winked at me. "We have seventeen more holes to go, Cowboy," she pointed out and patted my cheek before I reluctantly let her go.

About three hours later, we finally made it to the last hole, Bella in the lead by three strokes. She thought I was cheating; I told her she was out of her mind. Truth be told, she was winning fair and square. I had thought about letting her win, but by her fifth hole-in-one, it was on. I managed to catch up, but not well enough. We laughed the entire time, over what I had no idea; perhaps it was just because we were the only two people in that ridiculously long, weird, creepy mini-golf course. Bella had been a little put-off when I told her I had rented the place for the day, but she didn't harp on about it, for which I was thankful.

"Want some help?" I heard her say from behind me, her tone joking.

I laughed and shook my head. "Sure," I said teasingly.

"Well," Bella said, "you're stance is almost perfect, actually."

I purposefully messed up my stance. "I can't figure out how to hold to club," I said in a whiny voice, stomping my foot and letting the club hang limply at my side.

Bella swatted me in the arm, and I didn't realize she was that close. Before I could say anything else, I felt her arms come around me from behind, trying to form to the length of my arms – it didn't work very well. I contained my chuckle, wanting to play her little game, whatever it may be. I think it would have been called 'Let's see how far I can push Jasper before he breaks'. She had been, as far as I'm aware, unintentionally taunting me the whole time. Her hips swayed more then what was needed and she was constantly raking her hands through her hair, supposedly trying to keep it out of her face.

"Alright, Jazzy, it's all in the hips," she said, her front molding against my back.

I bit my lip as her breasts and stomach formed against my back. "Is it really?" I asked, my voice calm, but my body was screaming in reaction to her.

She swayed her hips in exaggerated movements, her elbows pressing harder against me so I would follow her motion. "Good job!" she squealed theatrically, and I rolled my eyes.

I let her guide my movements… not that I had much of a choice. I was putty in her hands with her standing against me, but she didn't need to know that. We both laughed when the ball bounced down the lane, knocking into both the Mad Hatter and three different trees before ricocheting off a pink and purple mushroom, and finally right down into the "Rabbit Hole of Time".

"No way," Bella said from behind me, still having not let me go yet.

A sign I hadn't noticed before started to flash and a catchy little jingle started to play. "Looks like we've won a free game," I said, laughing.

I felt her body shaking with quiet laughter. "Are we playing again?"

I hated that she sounded hopeful, because I had other things planned. "Will you take a rain check?" I asked, hoping she wouldn't be disappointed.

"Promise we'll come back?" she asked.

"Promise."

Bella squeezed me quickly before letting me go, and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding in. We made our way to the exit in good – no, great – spirits, swinging our clubs back and forth, and occasionally we 'accidently' hit each other.

"Another round?" Janice asked as we approached the desk.

"Is there any way we can reschedule the free game?" I asked, throwing her a wide smile.

"Of course, Mr. Whitlock," she said, smiling. "Do you have a day picked out yet?"

I looked at Bella, and she shrugged. "Not really," I said. "Could I possibly call a week or so in advance and set it up?"

"That wouldn't be a problem at all."

Bella and I put our clubs up on the table, and I gave Janice a questioning look.

"I didn't even put the tapes in today, so don't you worry about anything," she said.

I smiled and nodded before grabbing Bella's hand and practically dragging her outside.

"She's the owner," I explained as we got into the car. "She's friends with my friends Peter and Charlotte; they helped me set this up."

"Is she..."

"No," I said, already knowing her question. "No, she was actually rescued by Charlotte when she was six years old, and Peter and Charlotte kind of kept an eye on her for the past thirty years, so she was more than willing to help a friend of theirs. She doesn't know I'm a vampire, though."

"She called you Mr. Whitlock," Bella pointed out.

I chuckled as I turned onto the main highway. "Peter knew me during my Whitlock days and that's his name for me. He very rarely calls me Jasper, actually."

We chatted while I drove to our next destination, but mostly I just told her silly stories about Peter and Charlotte – nothing really important, just a bit of fluff. I heard her gasp quietly beside me when I pulled into a ranch, and I looked at her, glad to see her eyes wide and a smile on her face.

"What are we doing here?" she asked, leaning forward in her seat and looking around at what she could see of the hundred acre land.

"Ever been on a horse, darlin'?" I asked.

Bella blanched, her smile disappearing. "No," she said, looking terrified.

Shit. "What's wrong?" I asked, trying not to react badly to her change of expression.

"Uh, well, I'm a little… a little scared of them," she admitted, her hands folding together in her lap, and I could tell she was trying to control her emotions again.

I parked the car in front of the massive red barn, shutting off the engine and turning as much as possible to look at her. "Why?"

"Why?" she asked, her voice breaking slightly. "Well, they're huge animals, to start. Not to mention the fact that I'm horribly uncoordinated."

I pretended to consider that, for her sake. Of course I had thought about that, I wasn't an idiot. "You can ride with me."

"What?" she asked, finally meeting my eyes.

"You don't have to ride alone," I explained. "You can ride in the same saddle as me. I'll control the horse, and you know I'll keep you safe. I won't let you get hurt, Isabella."

She chewed on her lip for a minute before nodding her head slowly. "You'll ride with me?" she asked, double-checking.

"I will ride with you," I confirmed. "And, if after awhile you feel comfortable enough, we can try and see how you'd do riding alone."

She shook her head quickly, her eyes widening in fright. "I doubt that," she said, her breathing heavy.

I sighed, feeling horrible. "Alright, let's not do this," I said. "I don't want to make you feel like this, Bella."

"No!" she said quickly. "No, I want to do this with you. This is what you wanted to do, and I want to experience this with you. I'm sorry; I promise to try and not freak out."

I smiled warmly at her. "If you start to feel uncomfortable," I said sternly, "you tell me immediately, and we'll leave. It won't bother me one way or the other. I just want you to have fun."

She smiled as best she could. "Let's go then," she said, prying her fingers apart.

When we met at the hood of the car, I put my arm around her shoulders, projecting the smallest amount of calm to her. She smiled up at me gratefully just as Marsha walked out to greet us. She had aged well since the last time I had seen her, which had been nearly twenty years ago, when she was forty.

"Jasper!" she said in that ever-motherly tone.

"Mrs. Sampson," I replied. "Bella, this is Marsha Sampson, the owner of the ranch; Marsha, this is Bella Swan."

"It's very nice to meet you, Bella. It's not often I see Jasper, and never with such a pretty young lady such as yourself." They shook hands and Marsha winked at me as Bella blushed profusely.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Sampson," Bella said quietly, and I noticed that she pressed closer against me.

"Oh, call me Marsha," she said with a small laugh. Marsha looked at me and smiled widely. "Well, you know where everything is, kid, so go on; I'll be in the barn if you need anything. We got a couple of cows about to give birth, so I can't wander off too far."

"Thanks," I said, leaning down and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"How do you know her?" Bella asked as I led her toward the stables a few hundred feet away.

"About forty years ago, we were living not too far from here, and I decided to wander a little bit and ended up in the area. Her father owned the ranch then. I tried to eat one of the deer they owned," I said, laughing at the memory.

"Oh, no, what happened?" she asked, much more relaxed.

"Well, she had a gun trained on me just after I hopped her fence, and I was mad that I hadn't seen her," I recounted, shaking my head and chuckling. "For some reason, I've never been able to smell her, to sense her presence. Carlisle thought it was because she worked so closely with the animals everyday that all I could smell was the animal. Anyway, when she asked me what I was doing, I told her I was lost, had been for days."

"She didn't buy it," Bella guessed.

"Obviously not," I laughed. "She told me that if I worked in the stables for a month, she wouldn't say anything to anyone, and I agreed."

"You could have silenced her in other ways," Bella said, but then cringed when she realized what she had suggested.

"Exactly," I said, commenting on her reaction, not her words. "Emmett thought it was absolutely hysterical, but the rest of the family just told me they'd see me in a month. So, after working here, we stayed in contact, and I would come down and help out if she needed anything. Most of the time, she'd be so busy, what with her husband dying ten years ago, that when I would come down, I didn't even see her."

"You like her," Bella said. It wasn't a question, just an observation.

I nodded, but didn't say anything, because we had made it to the stables. I had to put a little pressure on her shoulders to keep her moving, but when we finally made it in, I saw her eyes light up as she took in the twenty or so horses that were there. I, however, only had eyes for one of them.

"Twinkletoes," I said quietly, smiling as my horse's head made an appearance from the seventh stall down, looking up the aisle as if he had recognized my voice.

"What?" Bella asked.

I led her over to the stall. "This is _my_ horse, Twinkletoes. He used to be so unsteady on his feet he'd prance along as though he were walking on a cloud, hence the name. He's ten years old."

"He's beautiful," she whispered.

She was right, the horse was gorgeous. He was the biggest of the horses in the stable; Twinkletoes' nose could easily rest on my head. He was cream colored with huge brown patches on his body, my personal favorite being the one on his stomach that I swear was shaped like Texas.

"It's an Appaloosa/Clydesdale mix," I explained.

Bella shrugged. "Is that good?"'

I laughed. "I suppose so."

She assured me that she'd be fine alone for a few minutes, so I ran off to grab all the necessary things. When I came back, Twinkletoes was nuzzling Bella's neck, who was just standing there, awkwardly patting my horse on the head.

_A/N – Thank you for reading! Please take just a moment out to review! I really love to hear your thoughts about everything! Thank you again!_


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just the actor who plays Jasper.

**Bella's POV**

Holy shit, who knew that horses could be that big? Not me, apparently. Jasper's horse, Twinkletoes, was _massive_. I remembered seeing Clydesdales on beer commercials, and I had never seen an Appaloosa, but I never actually thought they were _that_ big. I mean, I may be only about five-foot-five, but the horse's head even towered over Jasper's six-foot-three frame. And the worst part of it was that Jazz actually expected me to get on the thing!

Jasper had walked away to go get all the stuff we'd need, so I decided to try and get acquainted with the beast – er, horse. I walked up to the stall, trying to keep my breathing even and my emotions calm. Twinkletoes stuck his gigantic head out further, looking right at me.

"It's rude to stare," I mumbled.

The horse snorted – actually snorted – at me and I couldn't help but smile a little. I didn't want to get _too_ close to the horse, but he was just so beautiful. I tentatively reached my hand out to him, my palm facing him in a gesture of surrender. I squealed and pulled my hand back as Twinkletoes licked it – gross. I tried again and he bent his head, gently touching his forehead to my hand. He was so soft, and I wanted to keep touching him, so I moved closer. The next thing I knew, Twinkletoes stepped forward and somehow managed to put his enormous head against mine before nuzzling my neck. I just stood there patting him on the head because he seemed to like it, but I was so terrified I could barely even breathe.

I was suddenly being pulled away from Twinkletoes, my feet lifting off the ground before I even felt those cold, strong arms around my stomach. Jasper spun me about, facing me away from the stalls. So fast I couldn't tell what was going on, he took one arm from around my stomach and brought it across my chest, his hand gripping my upper arm in order to hold me closer to his chest.

"Breathe."

His voice, quiet but commanding, burst through my haze of fear and I took in a large gulp of air. He sighed heavily behind me and placed his forehead on my shoulder, his sweet-smelling hair brushing against my cheek. I couldn't help the shudders that ran through my body, the mixture of his scent and his arms comforting me so completely that I forgot to control my emotions. I banished my impure thoughts immediately, scolding myself.

"I am so sorry," he whispered and I could hear regret clear in his voice.

I realized he was apologizing because he thought I was shaking from being scared of the horse, not of my feelings for him. I brought my hands up to his arm around my chest, squeezing his marble-like skin.

"Don't apologize," I pleaded. "It was my fault, not Twinkletoes' or yours."

He nodded against my shoulder. "Let's go, Bella."

"No," I said instantly, not wanting to ruin this for him anymore than I already had. "I'd like to ride with you."

Jasper chuckled and I just barely suppressed the shiver that threatened to go down my spine. "I don't understand you," he said.

"I'm sorry," I groaned, feeling worse by the minute. "I want to ride with you, Jasper, the horses just scare me."

Jasper thought about this for a moment. "You don't have to do this. I really don't mind."

"Yes, but _I_ do," I said firmly.

He mumbled something I didn't quite catch and shook his head. "I could easily talk you out of this," he pointed out.

"Yes," I agreed, "but you won't."

"I would," he said teasingly.

"But you aren't going to," I challenged.

He sighed. "You ruin my fun," he said in a pouty voice and I couldn't help but laugh at his goofiness.

"I think I'm ready to do this, Jasper," I said, feeling more confident. "And you'll help me if I start to get too scared?"

"You just say the word, darlin'," he confirmed.

Jasper squeezed me a little before letting me go and grabbing my hand, leading me back the stall that held his horse. He slid past the large wooden door and into the stall, telling me to stay put while he saddled the horse. Twinkletoes looked as though he were jumping up and down, his nose bashing into the side of Jasper's head repeatedly, which Jasper just laughed at. I smiled easily, loving the carefree side of Jasper – he was so adorable when he giggled.

A few minutes later, Jasper and Twinkletoes walked out of the stall, side by side, both looking happy and ready to go. They stopped just outside the stall and Jasper stared at me for a minute before leaving Twinkletoes behind and approaching me.

"Alright, darlin', we're going to do this a bit differently than most people would," he said, looking nervous.

"What do you mean?" I asked, nervous because he was nervous.

"While I was saddling him, I thought about the fact that you've never been on a horse before. So," he said, sighing, "at first I thought about switching to a smaller horse."

"Why?" I asked before he could continue.

He quirked an eyebrow and chuckled. "Hunny, how often do you keep your legs open that far for any length of time?"

Even though a spark of something ignited in me when he called me 'hunny', I couldn't help the burst of laughter that left my throat; I immediately covered my mouth to keep more from coming out – it didn't work. He looked at me like I'd gone crazy before he realized the way I took his sentence. He looked absolutely mortified.

"Oh, sweet mercy," he said before laughing loudly. "Bella, you have a sick mind!"

"I'm sorry," I managed between giggles.

Jasper rolled his eyes and shook his head at me before covering his face with his hands. "Christ," he mumbled.

After a minute, he just stood there, his arms crossed over his chest, watching me laugh myself silly - my nerves mixed themselves in and I just couldn't stop laughing. It only took a few more minutes for me to laugh myself out, and Jasper started to look nervous.

"I'm sorry," I said before he could.

"Me too," he said, looking amused. "I shouldn't have worded it that way, it was inappropriate."

I rolled my eyes. "No, don't worry about it, Jazz, really. And to answer your question: never."

A bemused expression crossed his face before he shook his head, and I wondered what he was thinking. "Well, anyway," he said, clearing his throat. "Like I was saying, you'll be quite sore in the morning after riding a horse this big."

"So why are we still taking him then?" I asked. Not that I couldn't take the pain or anything, I just wasn't exactly looking forward to it.

"Because you won't be riding him," Jasper said.

"Excuse me?" I squeaked out, terrified that he'd changed his mind about me riding with him.

"No," he said instantly, reaching out and grabbing my hand and holding it between both of his. "You'll be on the horse with me, your legs just won't be to either side of him."

"Side-saddle?" I asked.

Jasper chuckled. "No, that's not really something that can be done easily with two people. Not to mention it takes a decent amount of balance."

I snorted. "Well, that's out."

He gave me an amused smiled. "If you don't like this idea, we'll figure something else out, alright?"

I nodded. "What's the idea?" I asked, getting anxious.

His face turned nervous again. "I thought that, well, since, you know, you can't really do, uhm, either of those two things that you could, uh, just, uh… wrap your legs, uhm, around… well, you know, me."

He'd said it all so quickly I had barely caught it, and I tried to hide the smile that threatened to take over my face because of his stuttering. My mind instantly supplied me with an image of me riding the horse with Jasper, except I was straddling Jasper's lap, my legs hooked around his back. We looked glued together - our chests and stomachs and…

"Bella?" he asked, breaking me from my naughty, very inappropriate images.

"Sorry," I said, shaking my head. "That's a great idea, Cowboy."

He smiled widely at me. "Alright, I need you to climb on my back."

Well, that hadn't exactly been what I'd envisioned, but I'd take what I could get. Upon my nodding, Jasper released my hand and turned around, kneeling onto the ground in front of me. I slowly put my arms around his neck and his hands reached back in order to pull my legs around him, my ankles locking together against his hard stomach.

"Hold on tight," he murmured, and I did so. "Tight as you can, you won't hurt me."

I squeezed myself against him so hard it almost hurt _me_. I realized why he had told me to do so as he stood and went to the horse, putting his right foot into the stirrup. I put my face into his neck, closing my eyes, and held on for dear life; I felt him step up before easily throwing his leg over the horse and sitting down. Even through my fright, I smiled when my bottom rested atop something quite soft. I instantly realized Jasper had somehow managed to sneak a large blanket onto the saddle so I sat higher, easily allowing me to keep my arms and legs around him.

"All good, darlin'," he whispered soothingly, his hands coming up to cover mine.

"I think I'll just stay like this for a few minutes," I said, his scent making me dizzy again. "I'll open my eyes when I feel a little more comfortable, if that's alright."

"Of course it is," he said quietly, gently patting my hands before grabbing the reigns.

Jasper made a low clicking noise and we were suddenly moving. It felt odd, having to put my full and complete trust in Jasper; it was foreign but not unwelcomed. I tried to ignore the movements, and focused on the smell of the hard-bodied man I was wrapped around. Just as I got used to the idea, all movement ceased.

"Bella?"

I could hear the hesitation in his voice, but I chose to ignore it.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I'm going to need you to move your arms a little," he said quietly, as if he didn't want to scare me.

I chewed my lip, wondering if it were possible for my arms to move by themselves. Before I had time to voice my concerns, Jasper's hands were covering mine, slowly prying my fingers apart.

"Don't worry," he said. "I won't let you fall."

The assurance in his voice made my arms instantly limp and he directed them to go beneath his arms, his elbows holding my arms against his sides. He pressed my forearms against his firm chest. I linked my fingers together instantly, and his hands lingered on mine for a few moments before grabbing the reigns again.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

I nodded. "I'm great," I said honestly, not really noticing that the horse had started to move again. I was too engrossed with the feel and smell of Jasper to care about anything else in the world.

I tightened my arms around him when I felt the horse move faster, and was glad when Jasper didn't slow down. This was his time to show me something he loved, and, although I felt nervous, I was so unbelievably happy that he wanted to share it with _me_. I tried not to think about the amount of times he probably took Alice out, because I knew I would never hold a candle to Alice. But that was alright with me, because I was the one currently on a horse with Jasper; it was _me_ who he was with, whether it was completely friendly or not. I felt honored and humbled, and perhaps a little bad for thinking what I was, but it still didn't stop the fact it was just Jasper, Twinkletoes, and myself .

"Thank you," I whispered against his neck.

"For what?" he asked quietly.

Wind whipped my hair behind me as the horse's pace increased again, and I tried to ignore it. "For sharing this with me," I said.

Jasper hummed lightly, but stayed silent for a few minutes. "You're welcome," he said, and I could hear the hesitation in his voice. "You're the only person I've ever brought here."

Without thinking, I sat up and my eyes flew open, and I narrowly contained the scream that rose in my throat when I saw how fast we were going. Things were blurring past us, the horse now at a full run. As if knowing my thoughts, Jasper slowed the horse instantly, and Twinkletoes gracefully skidded to a halt, barely jostling us in the saddle.

"Are you alright?" Jasper asked quickly, putting his hands over mine and sending me a wave of calm.

"Fine," I said, taking a deep breath and allowing his gift to slow my racing heart. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," he said sternly. "I didn't expect you to sit up so soon, I shouldn't have pushed it like that."

I shook my head and chuckled. "Don't worry about it," I said nonchalantly as he retracted his gift. "I'm okay."

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Sit up like that?"

Jasper nodded.

I knew better than to lie to him, but I was really worried about making him uncomfortable. "I was just surprised at what you said."

He turned his head just enough to be able to look at me through one eye. "You were surprised that you were the only person I've ever brought here?"

I nodded. "I just thought that…" I stopped myself, not wanting to bring up anything that would hurt him.

"That I'd brought Alice or whomever here?" he asked, and I nodded again. He sighed. "No one was really interested in horses or stable work or ranches, so I just always went alone. I don't think I ever got anyone other than Esme on a horse, and that was nearly fifty years ago."

I gaped at him, but didn't know what else to say.

"So," he said, his hands tightening on mine, "I should be thanking you."

"You don't have to do that, Jasper," I said.

"No," he said firmly. "Bella, thank you. This is so great for me. I love being here, on a horse, and it's an amazing experience to have you with me up here."

I felt a blush creeping into my cheeks, but I tried to suppress it. I cleared my throat. "As horrifying as I thought it was going to be," I said slowly, "I'm really glad I'm here."

Jasper smiled that beautiful, crooked smile, and turned back around. "Ready?" he asked.

I tightened my arms around him and shifted so I was as close as possible to his back before responding. "Let's go," I said, my voice still sounding shaky.

We rode around the ranch for nearly three hours, Jasper giving me the grand tour of the massive land. I kept my eyes open, and I was surprised that I didn't feel more unnerved. By the end of the round-a-bout, I was begging Jasper to take Twinkletoes into a run again. It only took a few minutes to convince him, and we were off. After a minute, my heart began slamming within my chest, and I finally spoke up.

"Help," I panted. "Don't stop him though."

Jasper's deep chuckled caressed my ears and his gift calmed me enough so I enjoyed the ten minutes of Twinkletoes running at full speed. We finally reached the stables, and Jasper told me to let go. I panicked for a moment, but he told me it'd be alright. I unhooked my legs from around his waist, scooting back so I could put them on either side of the horse.

"Ouch," I muttered as my legs stretched to fit the horse.

"Sore?" Jasper asked, sounding worried.

"A little," I said.

It was true – I felt a little stiff. But as my legs went to either side of the horse, I quickly realized it would have been _much_ worse had I been riding normally. Jasper waited until my arms slowly came from around him – I was pretending they were stiff, too, but the truth was that I wasn't ready to let him go yet – before somehow jumping off the horse without me noticing until I could suddenly only see the horse.

"Ready to get down?" Jasper asked from my left side. "Or did you want to ride him alone for awhile?"

"No!" I said instantly. "No, I'm ready to get down!"

Jazz chuckled and reached up. I helped by letting myself slide towards him, knowing he would catch me before I hit the ground. He managed to pull me off and set me on my feet, our fronts pressed against one another's. I lifted my head to say thank you, but I was so taken by the brilliant smile on his face that no words seemed right. His plump lips parted, as though he were about to say something, but nothing came out. Oh, how badly I wanted to kiss him in that moment, just once. I wanted to wrap my arms and legs around him again and kiss him like there was no tomorrow, just to know how it would feel.

"Bella," he whispered, as though he knew my thoughts.

I snapped out of it and stepped away from him until my back hit the horse a foot or so away. "I'm sorry," I said, not exactly sure what I was apologizing for.

He looked at me oddly before shaking his head and smiling. "No need to apologize," he said.

"Are you ready to go, or did you have something else planned while we're here?" I asked, nervously chewing my lip.

"No, we can go," he said.

We walked in silence back to the stables, Twinkletoes trailing happily behind us, Jasper's arm gently draped over my shoulders. He unsaddled the horse and put him in his stall. Twinkletoes didn't look very happy about it, but he complied anyway. We were still quiet as we got into the car, but Jasper finally broke that as we reached the main highway.

"I have a question for you," he said slowly.

"What's that?" I asked, curious.

"Don't tell me off right away, okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "That's never a good way to start a conversation."

Jasper laughed but then his face turned serious again. "When I was driving your truck the other night, I noticed a few things needed to be fixed." I had to bite back a retort that my truck was perfect. "So, I was just wondering… if you'd let me fix the things that need to be done on it."

"You… you want to fix my truck?" I asked, surprised that he didn't say 'take it to a shop' or something like that.

Jasper chuckled beside me. "Emmett taught me all he knew, which was nearly everything. I love old trucks like yours, so I took a special interest in them. I'd just like to make sure you're safe."

"Sure," I said, knowing he'd eventually get his way, so I might as well just cave sooner rather than later.

"Sure?" he asked, surprised. "Just like that?"

I sighed. "Yes, Jasper."

"I can fix your truck?"

The excitement in his voice caused a smile to appear on my face. "When did you want to do it?" I said, trying to sound annoyed.

"When we get back to town," he replied instantly.

"Today?" I asked incredulously.

He rolled his eyes. "No time like the present!"

_A/N – Please take just a few seconds out to review! It'd _really_ mean a lot to me! Thanks!_


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays him.

Endless love and thanks to everyone who has reviewed and/or added this to their favorites and alerts.

**Jasper's POV**

I can't believe Bella agreed to let me work on her truck. She tried to sound as though she wasn't pleased about it, but I knew she was lying. On the drive to the auto part store, I had to constantly remind myself to keep my speed normal, even though I really wanted to go faster. Anytime I went over seventy, I felt Bella become a little anxious, so that was a good indicator. It felt as though it took hours and hours to get to where we were going.

Bella reluctantly came into the large store with me, rolling her eyes at me as I put my arm across her shoulders. I bumped her hip with mine and gave her my best smile; I was pleased when she giggled. We entered the drafty store, and I couldn't help but want to run down the aisles with a shopping cart, grabbing enough car parts and materials to build her a whole new car.

"Mr. Cullen!"

I looked down the aisle in which the voice came from and smiled warmly at Junior, the overweight, fifty year old sales clerk Emmett and I had dealt with for a long time. I steered Bella down the aisle and shook Junior's meaty hand before making the introductions. Junior whistled lowly when he took Bella in. I instantly shot him a furious glare before controlling myself, but it did not go unnoticed by Junior; or Bella for that matter.

"Come on, Jazz," she whispered, putting her arm around my back. "Let's find what we need."

I cleared my throat and shook my head. "Yeah," I said, mad at myself for being so protective of something that wasn't really mine. I steeled myself for a moment, even angrier at the fact I had just basically thought of her as property.

"Jasper," Bella whispered beside me, and I realized we hadn't even moved.

"I'm sorry," I said, rubbing my eyes with my free hand.

I didn't know what was wrong with me – I just couldn't stop thinking of how it felt to have her body wrapped around mine, her arms and beautiful, long legs squeezing me so tightly, even if it was out of fear.

"What's wrong?" she asked when I turned us and began walking in the direction of carburetors.

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" she asked again, her concern rising.

"Nothing," I said quietly, tightening my arm around her slim shoulders, hoping to sate her.

Bella sighed. "C'mon, Cowboy, don't lie to me."

"I just…," I started, but then stopped, not able to speak the words I knew were the truth – I liked her. A lot. Too much.

I thought she was pretty – stunning, really. The best thing about it, though, is that she didn't even realize how beautiful she was. She was cutely unaware of the hold she could have on anyone, and she had her hooks sunk deeply into my impenetrable skin. It all happened so fast: the switch from Alice to pain to guilt to Bella. As much as I told myself I couldn't, I wouldn't, I shouldn't… I still wanted it. I wanted it _bad_. But there was no way I could bring myself to tell her, to ruin the friendship I held so closely to my heart. I didn't want to lose her. She simply meant too much to me. If it was friendship or nothing, I would go an eternity suppressing my feelings for her, and I'd be damned if I was going to try to find out.

"Is it Emmett?" she asked quietly, stumbling a little as she looked up at me.

I righted her gently and smiled at her. "Yeah," I lied easily. "It's weird being in here without him."

Bella's arm tightened around my back. "Well, I can try to be Emmett," she said with a smile, huffing out her chest and walking a little bowlegged.

I couldn't help but crack up at her impression – it was really quite good. "Alright," I said after she tripped a few times, both of us still laughing, "I think I'd prefer to have Bella back now."

Bella smiled at me just as we reached the carburetors. I slipped my arm from around her shoulders and walked over to them. She stood back and let me roam the area alone, which was fine; I knew exactly what I was looking for. A half an hour and three overly full carts later, I had found everything I needed and then some because there was a lot on sale. I told Bella to go find one of those silly car fresheners while I checked out; I honestly did not think she would be able to handle the final price.

Junior didn't say anything to me while he rang me up, he just accepted the credit card I slid across the counter when it was all said and done. Bella came back up just after I stuffed the receipt into my pocket, making sure she'd never be able to know I spent well into the thousands of dollars on her truck. I smiled and handed Junior the cheap, tree-shaped freshener, tossing a twenty on the counter after he scanned it and I walked away with Bella at my heels.

"Want one?" she asked as we got into the car.

"Hmm?"

"It's a three-pack," she explained, holding up the package.

"Sure," I said with a chuckle.

Bella smiled at me before opening the package and an overwhelming scent of pinewood filled the car. I noticed a blush creeping into her cheeks, and I couldn't help but asking.

"Why pinewood?"

"What?" she asked, looking at me quickly before looking away.

"Why pinewood?" I repeated. "Why not strawberry or vanilla or some other scent?"

She chewed her lip. "Well," she said, fiddling with the package, "it kind of reminds me of you."

I nearly slammed on the breaks out of surprise, but I controlled myself.

"You know," she said quickly, stumbling over her words, "because you're fixing my truck and all, I just want to be reminded that I'm safe, because, you know, I trust your skills and all that."

Yes, because _that_ made complete sense. "Okay," I said slowly. "But how does that remind you of me?"

"You kind of smell like pinewood," she said quietly.

"Oh," I said, speechless. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she said, hanging the little green tree from my rearview mirror.

We didn't say much on the way back, and I couldn't help but notice a tension in the car that hadn't been there before, and I felt completely responsible. When we finally pulled into her driveway, it was much later than I had planned.

"Hey," I said, cutting the engine and waiting until she looked at me before I continued. "It's almost ten, and I don't think your father would approve of me making a racket this late at night."

"You can come over tomorrow," she suggested before I had the time to ask.

I smiled at her, amused that she was thinking the same thing I was. "Would that be alright?" I asked.

"Of course," she said, rolling her eyes. She was about to say something, but then stopped.

"What?" I asked when she didn't say anything.

"Would… would you like to come in for a little bit?" she asked nervously. "Charlie said two, and it's still a few hours until then. I mean, I understand if you'd rather not."

"I'd love to," I said, taking the key out of the ignition and opening my door. "Oh, hang on."

"What?" she asked, already fiddling with the door handle.

"Charlie's here," I said, noticing both his cruiser and his scent. "Do you think he'd mind?"

Bella rolled her eyes again. "Please," she said with a laugh, "I think he loves you already."

I chuckled. "I don't think 'love' would be the correct word, but yes, he doesn't mind me."

Bella led the way into the house, calling out to Charlie, who was in the living room. He stood when we entered the room, and I reached out a hand, which he took with amusement.

"Nice to see you again, Jasper," Charlie said.

"You too –"

"You call me 'sir' again, kid, I'm going to arrest you," Charlie said, but he was only joking.

I chuckled when I heard Bella groan beside me. "Dad," she said, embarrassed.

Charlie laughed and released my hand. "Chill out, Bells," he said. "You two are back early."

I could feel the protectiveness seeping from him, and I was glad to see that Charlie held Bella so tightly to his heart. This was a man I could get along with.

"I was planning on fixing up her truck," I explained, much to Charlie's surprise. "But, as it's fairly late, we've decided to reschedule, if that's alright by you, s- Chief Swan."

"It's Charlie," her father told me, gesturing to the love seat and plopping himself down on the larger couch.

"Right, Charlie," I said, reminding myself to drop the niceties – it really did annoy him. I took Bella's arm and led her to the loveseat, as she was just staring at the two of us, her emotions telling me she was shocked but pleased at the interaction between her father and I. I had to tug on her a little bit, but she finally sat down, and I followed suit.

"Alright," her father said, crossing his legs and leaning back, "what about her truck now?"

"I was planning on tinkering with it a little," I said. "There are a few things that really need to be fixed."

"And you know how to fix them?" Charlie asked. He wasn't being rude, he was just being thorough, which was understandable – it was his daughter's truck after all.

"Yes," I said, restraining myself from saying 'sir'. "My brother, Emmett –"

"The big one?" Charlie asked.

I laughed and nodded. "The very one," I said. "His father was a mechanic and taught him everything he knew before he died when Emmett was… fifteen. We both took shop classes together throughout high school, as well as an internship at a highly respectable body shop in Seattle the summer before last. I specialized in older vehicles, my personal favorite being farm trucks such as Bella's."

Charlie leaned back into the couch, his arms crossing over his chest, and I could feel that he was impressed. He whistled lowly, and I felt Bella tense slightly beside me, a nervousness running through her. I wanted so badly to touch her, to hold her hand, to give her assurance that all was well, but I stopped myself in order to give my full attention to her father.

"Well," he said finally, "want to take a look at the cruiser, too?"

Bella let out a small laugh and Charlie smiled at her, love radiating off him in waves, and I wanted to close my eyes and remember that feeling forever; the way a father loves his daughter, the way a parent loves their own flesh and blood. Before I could delve any further down that path, Charlie looked at me, and I nodded, telling him that I'd take a look at it before I even started on Bella's, just to make sure I'd have the necessary tools to fix anything that was wrong with it.

We sat around for a few more hours, chatting about this and that, but mostly about baseball. Charlie _adored_ baseball; the whole game intrigued him, the players, the stats, the wins and losses. I talked about it easily, having never really paid attention, but I had a great memory of things I'd read in the paper or heard on the news. He was impressed that I remembered as far back, if not further, than what he did. I promised him that I'd come over for the next game, and Bella smiled at me, happiness clear on her face.

Charlie and I continued on in lower voices when Bella fell asleep. Her head lolled to the side before it finally came to rest on my upper arm, but her father said nothing, he just smiled before carrying on. We talked until nearly two o'clock in the morning, and I could feel him growing tired. I yawned and pretended to be stretching my neck.

"Well, Charlie," I said quietly, trying not to disturb Bella, "it's quite late, and I'm knackered."

Charlie laughed lowly. "I can see that," he said, commenting on my now-droopy eyed expression. "I'm pretty tired myself, kid, so why don't we continue this tomorrow?"

"Sure," I said, grinning at him.

He looked at Bella, and I could tell he was wondering what to do with her.

"I'll get her," I said.

"You sure?" he asked.

I nodded and gently maneuvered off the couch without disturbing her. With conscious movements, I hooked my arm beneath her knees and gently slid her so I could get my other arm behind her back. I crouched down further, trying to look as though I were using my legs to support the weight before standing with her. She shifted a little and turned her head so it was against my collarbone.

"That works," Charlie said with a chuckle.

"Moving tires around all day at that shop builds up a tolerance," I lied. "She's not that heavy, anyway."

Charlie smiled at me, shaking his head. "Bedroom on the right at the top of the stairs."

"Thanks," I said before proceeding to the stairs. I walked slowly, not wanting to make it look too easy.

"He likes you," Bella said sleepily halfway up the stairs.

"Hey, faker," I said quietly.

She smiled, her eyes still closed and she snuggled against my chest. "You aren't so cold," she murmured before falling back asleep, her lips parting as she breathed.

I smiled and continued up the stairs, placing her gently in her bed before taking off her shoes and pulling the covers over her.

"Jazz?" she said just as I was walking out her bedroom door.

"Yes, darlin'?"

"I didn't get my kiss," she mumbled, and I wondered if she was still sleeping. "I got one last night."

I stood there, staring at her near-sleeping form, wide eyed. I wasn't sure if she was coherent enough to know what she was talking about, but I decided to oblige her unasked request. I walked over to her and leant down, closing my eyes and taking in her scent as I gently kissed her forehead, lingering for a moment as I had the night before. When I pulled back, I saw a smile on her face. I was about to turn, but I noticed her hand hanging off the bed just a little, a familiar looking blue material clutched in her fist.

"Goodnight, Isabella," I whispered, carefully tucking the blankets around her and maneuvering her hand so it was back on the bed.

"'Night, Cowboy," she sighed, snuggling into her pillow before her breathing told me she was definitely asleep.

I shut her light off as I exited the room, taking one last glance back before descending the stairs. Charlie was waiting for me by the door, a sleepy expression on his face.

"What time you planning on being over tomorrow?" he asked.

"What time would be good for you?"

Charlie shrugged. "Anytime after nine would be fine," he said. "Actually, now that I think about it, I might have to run into work, though, so it might not be until later that you'll be able to look at the cruiser."

"That'd be fine," I said, forcing out a yawn.

"You going to be alright to drive, kid?" he asked, concerned. "We've got a spare couch. It's not the best, but it's comfortable."

I shook my head. "No, I'll be alright, but thank you."

"Alright," he said, sounding unsure. "See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Charlie," I said, automatically holding my hand out to him.

He chuckled and shook it. "Drive safe, Jasper."

"Will do," I said, exiting the house after Charlie opened the door. I noticed he continued watching me until I was completely out of sight, and I couldn't help but appreciate the concern for my well-being. Not that I really needed it but it was… nice.

I kept myself busy, trying to keep Bella and her sleep-mumbling out of my head. I hunted, toying with my food a little before I ate it, trying to waste time. I finally ended up back at the house, and I took the time to sort out all of the clothes that I had purchased. I washed, dried, and ironed all of them before carefully putting them on hangers, not wanting them to wrinkle. It wasn't as though I was really concerned about it; it was just kind of habit.

Just as I was putting the last pair of jeans on a hanger, my phone played the jingle that was set for text messages. I took it out of my pocket and smiled as I read the sender's name.

_Hey you, I'm up and about, Charlie's not yet, though. Want to come take a look at the cruiser before he has to leave? I know you said you wanted to look at it before working on mine and I don't know what time he's leaving for work._

My smile widened, and I hit the reply button, glancing at the time, and shaking my head when I realized it was only 7:30.

_Sure thing. I'll be over in a few minutes, darlin'._

I was about to put my phone back down when the jingle played again. I laughed and pressed the 'show' button.

_Thanks, Jazz._

I hurried to get dressed in different clothes, picking an older black t-shirt and jeans, not wanting to ruin anything I had just bought. Even a vampire gets messy when playing with cars; it's just kind of inevitable. Not to mention, where's the fun in fixing a truck if you can't get a little messy in the process?

I drove a little faster than normal, reaching her house in record time. I couldn't help the large smile that tugged at my lips when I saw she was sitting on the porch waiting for me, wrapped in a blanket that usually hung on the back of the couch in the living room. She smiled widely as I pulled in, her face lighting up.

"Mornin'," I called as I got out of the car.

"Morning," she said back before standing up, her blanket opening a little as she held out her arms, a clear invitation.

I took a deep breath before walking into her embrace, allowing her to put her arms around my middle before I slipped mine around her shoulders, holding her against me for a brief moment before forcing myself to pull back. She smiled up at me sleepily and turned to walk into the house without another word.

It was going to be a _long_ day.

It actually didn't turn out too bad, honestly. Charlie had come out of the house while I was sliding out from beneath his cruiser, his eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline. I told him that the cruiser needed an oil change, which I had already done, new brake pads, a rotor on the right side, as well as the brakes bled, but that could wait until he got back. He just shook his head and asked how much it was going to cost him, and choked on his coffee when I told him I had no fee.

"Just go with it, Dad," Bella said from the ground, which is where she had planted herself after grabbing some hot chocolate, still wrapped in that blanket, chatting with me as I worked.

"It's got to cost something," Charlie said. "I didn't even ask what the damage was going to be on the truck."

"Dad," Bella said, rolling her eyes before I could say anything. "Seriously, he won't budge; I've been begging to pay for things all week."

Charlie glanced between the two of us, his mouth hanging open.

"It's really not a problem," I said. "I already had all the parts, and I love the work part of it."

"Well, alright," he said awkwardly.

Bella glanced at me and smiled, and I returned it, winking at her before handing Charlie his keys. "Just let me lower it down real quick."

"Sure thing, Jasper," he said, looking over at Bella, and I had to contain my laughter as he shook his head in wonderment.

Bella's truck took quite a bit longer, as some of the wires were rigged in a way that baffled me. I took on the challenge and eventually came out victorious, which I was very happy about – I hadn't a clue as to what I would have done if I couldn't have fixed her truck. Probably just buy her a new one, but she wouldn't have liked that very much. I was pleased that she stuck around for the whole thing, only going in once or twice to grab something to eat before bringing it outside and sitting back down.

After I was completely finished with the repairs, I grabbed the hose and a few cleaning products, taking time to wash and wax her truck. I firmly believed a vehicle deserved a nice outside shine after that amount of work had been done to its insides. Just as I was polishing the last part of the bumper, Charlie pulled in.

"You're still here?" he asked as he got out of the car. "It's almost nine o'clock."

Bella rolled her eyes, but Charlie didn't notice. I just shrugged.

"I just finished up Bella's truck, and I'll do your breaks real quick," I said.

Charlie shook his head at me but didn't argue. "Hungry?" he asked.

Bella spoke before I could. "We actually just ate about an hour ago, but thanks, Dad."

After Charlie went inside, I threw Bella a smile before switching over to the cruiser. The breaks only took a little bit; I could have done them with my eyes closed. When I was done, completely done, I stood back and looked at both vehicles, feeling accomplished and sated. As I helped Bella up from her spot on the ground, she smiled and hugged me tightly, even though I was covered in grease and who-knows-what, and quietly thanked me. I realized that my day couldn't have been any better; I had done my manly thing, and I had had the company of a beautiful woman with me while I did it. A guy could get used to that.

_A/N – Please take just a few seconds out to review! It'd _really_ mean a lot to me! Thanks!_


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper. The lake mentioned in this fanfiction is an actual place, and I promise I researched it to the best of my ability – but I do apologize if any of it is a little off.

I wasn't going to update so soon but I felt as though I were leaving all my Twilight fanfiction readers out by updating my other fandoms and not in this one… So… Hope you enjoy it!

**I've seen a lot of authors do this so I figured I'd join in – every 100th review, that reviewer gets to prompt a one-shot for me to write for them. So! Review away and if you don't have a log in, make sure to leave your prompt in the review!**

**Bella's POV**

It had been almost two weeks since Jasper had returned, and everything was going great – aside from the fact that I found myself growing to like him more and more. I'd seen him every day, whether it was him coming over and hanging with Charlie and me, or me going over there, or just going out and doing something random. We'd gone bowling, which was a complete disaster, thanks to me. I tripped nearly every time it was my turn to bowl, and I had somehow managed to get my ball three lanes down after one of my better falls. Jasper vowed he'd never take me bowling again.

When I woke up that Thursday morning, I stretched in my bed and instantly noticed the room was brighter than normal. I strained my eyes against the light and sighed – it was sunny. Without thought, I ran my hand across the pillow next to me, groping for the piece of paper I knew would be there. That didn't stop me from smiling though.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I hope you slept well. It looks as though it's going to be sunny today, so if you'd like to come over, you know you are always welcome. If you have plans, just let me know, and perhaps we could do something later in the evening. If that's what you'd want, anyway. I hope to hear from you soon._

_Yours,_

_Jasper_

The letter was similar to the last twelve, but I still reread it just to make sure I'd taken it all in. I didn't know why Jasper left the letters, when he could just text or call me, but I never complained. I rolled my eyes every time he wrote something about me having other plans. He hadn't quite gotten the clue that I didn't really have any other friends – which was okay by me, really. I had Jasper, and he seemed to be all the friend I needed.

I laid in bed a little longer before folding the paper and putting in a box beneath my bed with all the other ones. It wasn't as though I was obsessing over it or anything, I just liked keepsakes. Or that was what I was going to tell myself, anyway. I milled around in my room a while, wondering how soon I should call Jasper. I finally decided to eat some breakfast first.

"Good morning."

I nearly stumbled down the last three steps of the stairs, but I just managed to grab a hold of the railing. I looked around to find Charlie leaning against the counter by the sink. "Morning," I said, trying to calm my speeding heart as I finished descending the stairs. "You really need to stop doing that, Dad."

"Sorry, Bells," he said, not really sounding that sorry.

He was going fishing – that much was obvious. He was dressed in his usual 'fishing jeans' and a plain black long-sleeved shirt as well as a camouflage vest with tons of little zipper and Velcro pockets. I motioned to a chair at the table and he sat down without another word. I went to work, grabbing eggs, cheese, milk, onions, and sausage from the fridge. I pulled a mixing bowl from the cabinet beside the oven and cracked six eggs into it before chopping up the sausage and putting into a frying pan. I worked in silence, chewing my lip in concentration as I made two thick omelets simultaneously.

"Looks great, kid," Charlie said as I placed down his plate and a glass of milk.

"Thanks, Dad," I muttered, grabbing the ketchup and sitting down with my own food.

We ate in relative silence, the only sounds being small murmurs of thanks as we passed the salt and pepper back and forth as needed.

"It's nice," he said after a long time, "eating breakfast with you again."

I nodded my head, feeling a little awkward. "Yeah, I've missed it too, Dad. Going fishing?"

"Yup," he said, finishing off his milk before bringing both our plates to the sink and rinsing them off. "The station has been really slow lately, so I took today off."

I watched my dad wash the plates and forks and knives, and I realized just how much I had missed being around him every morning.

"Dad?" I asked, a sudden idea popping into my head.

"What's up, Bells?" he asked, his back still turned to me.

"Uh… would you mind if I… like… you know… went fishing with you today?"

Charlie turned around quickly, dropping a plate and it shattered on the floor, but he didn't even flinch. "You… you want to come fishing with me?"

I nodded, chewing on my cheek. "I mean, if you're going with Billy or whatever, that's okay."

"No," he said, staring at me like I had three heads. "No, it's just that you haven't been fishing with me since you were about five."

"I know," I said.

"You don't have plans with Jasper?" he asked, sounding surprised.

I rolled my eyes. "We aren't together all the time," I pointed out.

Charlie scoffed. "He's been around every day for the past two weeks, kid. Not that I mind," he said hastily, "I'm just surprised you two don't have plans."

I shrugged. "We might do something later," I said quietly. "But, I'd really like to go fishing with my dad today."

Just as I was starting to second guess myself, a massive smile appeared on his face. It was perhaps my most favorite smile in the world – the way his eyes crinkled in the corners and his whole face lit up. I hadn't seen Charlie so happy in a long time (other than when he was talking to Jazz about baseball, of course), and I was overjoyed that I was the one causing his happiness at that moment.

"So," I said slowly, "mind if I come?"

"You kidding?" he laughed, but he seemed to catch himself and cleared his throat. "Sure, kiddo, I'd love for you to go fishing with me. Hope you don't get motion sickness."

_Yeah, Dad, me too…_

I shrugged, not voicing the fact that I didn't remember ever having been on a boat.

"Uh, it's going to be really cold," he said, glancing at my attire. "I know that it's sunny today, but the heat won't last once we're on the lake. It's only going to be about forty degrees or so, kid."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry, I'll bundle up," I said, but I was shivering already.

A large smile appeared on his face. "Sounds good," he said. "Go get dressed and I'll fix up another pole."

The first thing I did when I got upstairs was text Jasper.

_Hey Cowboy, I'm going fishing with my dad today. Wish me luck._

I got ready quickly, but stopped halfway into putting a sweater on over my shirt when I heard my phone ding.

_Uh-oh. Maybe I should follow you… You in a boat? That's frightening. I'm joking, quit frowning like that. Wait, it's like forty-two degrees today, are you two nuts?_

I laughed and rolled my eyes.

_Shut up,_ I texted back. _Maybe next trip you can come. How about that? And it could be below freezing and Charlie would be fishing. I just thought it'd be nice to spend some time with Charlie._

Just as I was about to get back to dressing, my phone went off again.

_Sorry. I'd love to go fishing with you and Charlie. Do you want me to stop by later?_

I chewed the inside of my lip and replied. _Of course I do. I've seen you every other day for almost two weeks now, so why not continue?_

There, that didn't sound too desperate… right?

_Oh, I see. Well, I do have to agree that it would feel odd… not seeing you. Text me on your way home._

I smiled and I was glad that Jasper was not here, because I could feel my cheeks flushing, and it wasn't from the cold, either.

_Alright, Jasper, will do._

_Oh, and Bella? Be careful, okay? I know you are quite capable of taking care of yourself but…. Just don't fall out of the boat… please._

I was tempted to throw my phone against the wall, but then I reminded myself it was Jasper. He was just trying to be sweet.

_I promise. _My fingers hovered over the buttons on my phone, thinking of the repercussions of what I wanted to say. I shrugged and decided I might as well. _I'm looking forward to seeing you later._

It only took about ten seconds for the reply.

_So am I. I'll see you soon enough, though. Catch a big fish!_

I laughed and sent back a smiley face before I finished getting ready. By the time I was done, I felt about a hundred pounds heavier. I was wearing a t-shirt, a sweater, a hoodie, a bulky winter coat, pajama pants beneath my jeans, which were beneath my snow pants, and three pairs of socks. When I finally reached the bottom of the stairs, I was sweating and panting with exertion.

Charlie stood there, trying his best not to laugh. "Good job," he said, giving me two thumbs up.

I huffed and waddled into the kitchen, feeling extremely stupid. Charlie just laughed and threw on his huge hunting jacket and rubber waders before opening the front door. We got into his cruiser after he hitched the boat to the back of the car and he drove to his favorite bait shop just outside of town. He bought me a fishing license, and looked surprised when I told him to make it the yearly one. I crinkled my nose as he bought worms and leeches – I swore to myself I wasn't touching the latter.

After getting back in the car, we drove a half an hour longer before finally reaching the lake he preferred – which was thankfully clear of ice as the winter had been unseasonably warm for the most part. Lake Ozette was an eight by five mile natural lake, with beautiful views and easy looking waters. It was along the coastal part of the Olympic National Park, which I had never actually been to until then. Hoko-Ozette Road, the only access road to the lake, was a little bumpy, but not terrible. Charlie lined the boat up with the ramp, but then got out of the car, telling me to take the driver's seat. I looked at him like he was nuts, but I complied anyway.

He directed me as I put the cruiser into reverse, slowly taking the boat down into the water. When he told me to stop, he unhitched the boat and slowly pushed it off the trailer before telling me to go and park. I parked quickly, not wanting Charlie to get too cold, even though he was wearing waders. He met me halfway, and I instantly looked for the boat, which was tied to a small dock by the ramp.

We grabbed the poles, net, and tackle box, silently putting everything we needed into his prized 14-foot Lund fishing boat. He held it steady as I climbed in, taking my spot on one of the cushioned seats. He got in and untied the boat before starting the motor again, slowly backing us away before opening it up and taking us to his usual spot.

Once we were there, I was glad I had bundled up so much – it was near freezing. Charlie cut the motor and dropped a large anchor off the side of the boat, a rope trailing after it for a minute before going slack, and Charlie tied it off. I watched him, amused at the ease in which he did all of it. He grabbed both poles and opened the tackle box, which he turned to me.

"Do you remember what a bobber is, kid?" he asked.

I laughed. "I think so," I said.

"Go ahead and find me a few split shots, bobbers, and number 4 hooks," he said.

I stared at him for a minute before rummaging through the messy box, being careful not to hook myself. I reminded myself to buy him a bigger box for his birthday.

"So," Charlie said awkwardly after a few minutes, "you and Jasper, huh?"

"What?" I asked quickly.

He looked surprised that he had to elaborate. "You and Jasper… are you… you know… dating or whatever it is these days?"

"No," I said instantly, but I felt my cheeks flush.

"You're blushing," Charlie said, a smile creeping onto his face.

"It's cold," I retorted, busying myself with looking through the tackle box for a bobber.

Charlie sighed. "Come on, kid, at least be honest with me. I'm not an idiot. They didn't make me Chief of Police just based on looks, you know."

I couldn't help but laugh a little at Charlie's joke. I sighed, not really sure what to say. "I don't know, Dad."

"Do you like him?" he asked, and I swear that I heard a bit of hopefulness in his voice.

I looked over at him and he looked like he felt as awkward I did. I shrugged.

"Bella," Charlie said in a reprimanding tone. "Let me rephrase that – do you like him as more than just a friend?"

"Yeah, I guess so," I said, fidgeting with the line on my pole.

"You guess so?" he asked skeptically.

I groaned, not really wanting to talk to Charlie about the whole thing. "Yes!" I said. "I really like him, okay, Dad?"

Charlie looked up at me and smiled. "There we go," he said. "Now we're getting somewhere."

"Is this why you agreed to take me out in the middle of a lake? To interrogate me?" I couldn't but smile when I asked, though.

He shrugged. "Perhaps," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "Anything else?"

"I have a few questions," he said slowly, grabbing my hook and putting a worm on it.

"Go ahead," I sighed, wanting to get it over with.

Charlie gave me a look that said 'get over it' and sighed, handing me my pole and reminding me how to cast. I chucked it out there, and was pleased to see it went quite a ways.

"Does he like you, too?" Charlie asked as he tossed his line in.

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know, Dad."

"I think he does," he said with a smile.

"Really?" I asked, hating that my voice raised a pitch or two.

Charlie grinned at me, a knowing look in his eyes. "Bells," he said quietly, looking at me in that creepy I'm-trying-to-be-fatherly way. "I see the way he looks at you, the way he tries to touch you as much as is appropriate in front of me."

I chewed my lip, wanting to believe it was true, but I wasn't sure Charlie understood Jasper and my relationship. "Dad," I said with a sigh. "Did you know that Alice and Jasper were together?"

Charlie's eyes widened slightly. "No, I didn't," he said.

"Were," I said, shaking my head. "We kind of understand each other, you know? Alice left Jasper just before Edward… before he left me."

"Well, Jasper and Alice couldn't have been together that long, could they have been?" Charlie asked.

"Their whole lives, pretty much," I said.

He blanched. "Dr. Cullen was a little match-maker, wasn't he?"

I rolled my eyes. "I doubt that was his intention, Dad."

"True," Charlie said slowly. "So, you were saying…"

"I was saying that Jasper and I have a strong bond because we know how the other feels, you know?"

Charlie nodded. "But, Bells, just be careful, okay?"

"With what?" I asked, hoping it was _anything_ but the 'birds and the bees' talk.

"With each other," he said. "Don't be stupid with this."

"Dad, what are you talking abo –"

Charlie interrupted me. "He makes you happy," he said bluntly. "You being happy means everything to me, alright? I'm alright with the fact that it's not me because I can tell that you make Jasper happy, and that kid needs some happiness after whatever terrible things probably happened to him when he was younger. He's a good kid, Bella, and so are you. I just don't want to see you like that again."

After what Charlie said, I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes, feeling horrible that I had basically dragged him through my bad times without so much as a 'thank you'.

"Awe, Bells, don't cry," he said quietly, and I could swear I saw moisture in my father's eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said, sniffling.

"I know Edward hurt you really bad, baby, but I think that maybe this is good thing, don't you?" he asked.

I nodded and wiped away the cold tears trailing down my cheeks. "I hope so," I said, trying to smile.

"If not, then we'll find something else, okay? We'll move if we have to."

I looked at Charlie, shocked. "Dad," I whispered, "I could never do that to you. You love Forks."

"I love you more," he replied instantly, but then looked awkwardly away from me, his cheeks gaining a little bit of color.

"I love you, too, Dad," I said softly, not looking at him either.

He reached across the boat and gently patted my hand. "And, if Jasper does anything like that to you, I have no problems in shooting him."

I laughed loudly, thankful my dad changed the tone of our conversation. I looked to find my bobber, but it wasn't there.

"Dad? Where's my bobber?"

Charlie looked around. "You got a fish, kiddo!" he said excitedly. "Okay, now, pull back on the rod, really hard, and then start to reel."

I did as he said, but the reeling part wasn't as easy; this fish was _heavy _and pissed. My rod nearly bent in half, and I was afraid I was going to break it.

"No," Charlie said just as I was about to lower my rod, "keep tension on the line. That's it, Bells, keep reeling. Let him fight for a minute… there you go, reel again. He'll take a few feet; you take as much back as you can. Good girl, keep going, he's getting closer."

I followed Charlie's instructions, all the while trying not to be pulled out of the boat by whatever lake monster I had on the other end of my line. My arms were getting tired and I was just about to give up when Charlie reached for the large net next to him.

"Holy shit!" he yelled as he plunged the net into the water, scooping up my catch.

Holy shit was right. "What is it?" I asked in wonderment.

It turns out the fish was a smallmouth bass, and the biggest Charlie had ever seen. It was a beautiful fish, multi-toned greens with the most adorable orange eyes. It was twenty-two inches and nearly seven pounds. Charlie wanted to get the poor thing mounted, and, as I probably did when I was five, I threw a fit about how inhumane that was. He kindly reminded me that I didn't say anything when we ate some of the trout from the freezer two nights ago. Woops.

After another few hours, we caught a few things here and there, but it was sparse and we mostly just enjoyed each other's company, talking a little bit more about Jasper and his knowledge of cars and baseball. I liked hearing Charlie talk about Jasper; it was nice to know that, while he was still that protective father figure, he also really liked Jasper. We packed it in just a little before five and were in the car by five-twenty – record time, Charlie said.

"So," Charlie said as he maneuvered the cruiser and boat back to the main road, "does Jasper have anything planned for tonight?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea, why? Did you not want me doing anything tonight?"

Charlie laughed. "No, kid, I just figured that he'd be taking you somewhere."

"Why is that?" I asked, confused.

He looked at me like I was a little bonkers. "It's Valentine's Day, Bells."

"What?" I screeched, and Charlie jumped a little in his seat. "You can't be serious!"

"Unless the date has changed, it's Valentine's Day," Charlie said with a chuckle.

Well, that was a surprise. Sure, I'd noticed all the silly heart candies at the grocery store, but I hadn't realized it was already here. I hadn't really been paying attention to much around me since Jasper came back, and I suddenly felt terrible for not having anything for him.

"Want me to stop somewhere?" Charlie asked.

I looked at Charlie questioningly.

"To get something for Jasper, I mean."

"What would I get him?" I asked, not really able to think of anything that he wouldn't already have. I didn't think Charlie would want to stop and grab a few lively animals to release around the house and let Jasper chase after them. I turned my face toward the window, stifling my laughter at the image.

"Don't know, kiddo," Charlie said, his eyebrows coming together. "Make him dinner, maybe?"

"No," I said instantly, but then quickly tried to cover it up. "He's not big into any specific foods, so it wouldn't be that big of a deal."

I grabbed my phone out of the middle consol and smiled when I saw there were three texts from Jasper.

_Hey, sorry for texting you, but I was just wondering if you had brought your phone out on the boat with you – it's getting a little too quiet around here._

_Bella, hey, sorry. I feel like an idiot, sending that last text. I suppose I was just in my own head too long. I think I'm spoiled now that I have you to see every day, whereas I didn't have too much before. So, just text me or give me a call whenever you get this._

_God, do I sound desperate or what? Haha. Sorry, really. It's just… it's Valentine's Day and I'm just a little off kilter today, I think. But, alright, again, I'm sorry for bugging you. I hope you are having a good time fishing – I think a little time just between you and Charlie is good._

I frowned, suddenly worried about Jasper. I hit reply to the last one and typed as fast as I could.

_Hey, Cowboy, I'm almost home, why don't you meet us there? I didn't even realize it was Valentine's Day. I'm sorry. I would have waited to go fishing with Charlie otherwise. I'll see you soon? And are you alright? I could always just come to you._

Before I even had a chance to tell Charlie that Jasper was coming over, my phone dinged.

_Hey. Sorry. Again. I'm alright, I promise. Just getting a little stir-crazy I guess. You sure you don't mind me over?_

I rolled my eyes, telling Charlie Jasper was coming over while replying.

_Jazz, please don't apologize. Of course I want you over. We'll be there in about ten minutes._

I chewed on my lip the last few minutes of the drive, feeling horrible that I hadn't thought to get Jasper something. I crossed my fingers that he didn't get me anything, but somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that wasn't possible. He was too sweet for his own good. I knew that Jasper never passed up an opportunity to get something for me, and I hated it just as much as I loved it. I just hoped it wasn't too expensive.

A sudden idea popped into my head. "Dad!" I said quickly. "Take the next right! I know what I'm getting him."

_A/N – Please take just a moment out to review; it means the world to me to hear all your thoughts and opinions and ideas! Thanks so much for reading!_


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper. Also, I do not own anything else you recognize in this chapter – it belongs to the company that created it.

I am so overwhelmed with the sweetness of everyone's reviews. I adore each and every one of you and want you to know that I squee every time I see a new review, or that this story has been added to favorites or alerts. Thank you so much, it truly means the world to me.

**Jasper's POV**

I couldn't help but laugh when I saw Bella get out of the cruiser. She looked like she had just been on a trek through the North Pole, all bundled up and looking as though she could barely move. She glared at me for a moment before rolling her eyes and smiling. It was nice to see her. I didn't want to admit that I felt weird without her being around, but I did. I felt like she had been gone weeks, not hours, and that really bothered me. I had tried to keep myself occupied by messing up Esme's movie room and then putting it back the way it was, but that didn't stop my brain from supplying me with the fact that I wanted to see Bella.

"Hey, Jazz!" she called, helping Charlie get all their fishing stuff from the trunk while trying to keep some unmarked brown bag beneath her arm.

"Hey, Bella. How would it go? She fall in?" I asked Charlie as I walked over to help.

Charlie laughed but Bella shot me a look that wiped the smile off my face. "No," Charlie said. "She actually caught a huge fish."

"Really?" I asked, honestly surprised.

"Yes," Bella said, making a face at me.

"Where is it?" I asked, noticing that they left the cooler in the trunk as we made our way inside.

I could feel Charlie's exasperation. "_Someone_ didn't want to keep it."

I looked at Bella, who shook her head. "Charlie wanted to get it mounted, but it just didn't sound right."

I shrugged, wanting to stay out of the middle of their playful teasing. Before I could say anything, Charlie spoke up.

"Well, I have to get showered, and then I'm heading out."

"Where are you going?" Bella asked.

"I have a hot date," Charlie said, smiling.

Bella gaped at him. "With who?"

"A very nice Indian fellow," Charlie said, theatrically putting his hands over his heart and batting his eyelashes, to which both Bella and I laughed at.

"Billy?" Bella guessed.

"Yup," Charlie said. "I have to go brag about my kid catching the biggest fish around."

I sensed that Charlie was not being completely honest, but that wasn't my business. After Charlie went upstairs, Bella met my eyes and I smiled at her, happy to see her home safe. She smiled back at me and held out her hand. I took it and she pulled on my hand until I moved closer, and I wasn't able to take my eyes off hers. When I was directly in front of her, she released my hand and slowly put her arms around my waist.

"This is weird," Bella said as I returned her embrace.

"Wha-"

"The extra clothes," she said quickly. "Can you help me with these? My arms are so tired."

I chuckled and pulled back from her too soon for my liking and I began undoing the zippers and buttons to the many layers she was wearing. After finally coming down to just her sweater and t-shirt, I shoved all the bulky items off her and laughed lowly when she sighed in relief. I put my hands on her hips and gently lifted her up before placing her down on the table and kneeling in front of her. She didn't say anything as I untied her boots, slipping them off her feet along with two of the three pairs of socks.

I smiled at her when she laid back on the table and undid her black snow pants. I grabbed the legs of them and she lifted her hips so I could take them down. Bella sat up just as I stood, and her hands caught my sides before I could move away. I smiled and stepped between her legs, grabbing her arms and guiding them to go around my neck before putting my own around her torso. She sighed and turned her head, resting it against my shoulder.

"It's nice to see you," she whispered.

I closed my eyes, taking in her intoxicating smell. "It's good to see you, too, darlin'."

Using my foot, I scooted a chair closer to me and I rearranged Bella before sitting down and bringing her with me. As much as I would have loved to of felt her legs around me again, it wasn't appropriate, especially with her father only a few yards away. I set her so she was sitting sideways, her legs hanging off me and her side against my chest, her arms still securely around my neck. I heard the water shut off upstairs and I was about to move her, but she held onto me.

"Charlie won't mind," she whispered, laying her head on my shoulder.

"I know," I said. "It's just the respectful thing to do."

Bella shrugged, but then sighed. "Alright," she said, but she was obviously not too pleased about having to move, which sent a rush of happiness through me.

"Don't worry," I murmured, lightly kissing the top of her head, "I have a few things planned, if you're up to it."

"Oh," she said, pulling back and looking at me, a smile on her face. "What are we doing?"

"Well," I said very slowly, wanting to tease her a little, "you are far too tired for any of it."

Her eyes widened. "I am not."

I laughed when she yawned. "I'll make you a deal," I said, hoping she would agree. "You go lie down on the couch for awhile and take an hour or so nap, and then we'll get on with it."

Bella pursed her lips. "Fine," she said, yawning again.

I heard Charlie walk from the bathroom into the bedroom, and I gently lifted Bella up and walked her into the living room, placing her down on the larger of the two couches before coving her with the blanket that hung on the back of it. Without needing to be asked, I kissed her forehead, closing my eyes and breathing in that smell I had grown so accustomed to, lingering only for a moment before stepping away. Before I even made it back into the kitchen, I could hear her breathing change, indicating she was already asleep.

I heard Charlie come down the stairs and I leaned against one of the countertops. "She's sleeping," I said when he looked at me questioningly.

"Ah," Charlie said. "Well, I'm going to head out, kid. You gonna be here for awhile?"

"If that's alright," I said.

Charlie nodded. "You're welcome here anytime, Jasper," he said, smiling.

"Thank you," I said, glad that I didn't have to betray his trust by leaving, only to come back when he was out of sight.

"Chicken cacciatore," he said just as he was opening the front door.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Chicken cacciatore," he repeated. "It's Bella's favorite." He winked at me and, just before he closed the door behind him, he turned back again. "And chocolate cake with a pudding between the two layers, with chocolate frosting. We have all the stuff; I was going to make it for her sometime. So, if you two decide not to go out, make sure she knows it's in there. I made the pudding this morning so she wouldn't have to wait four hours to frost it like she did last time."

Before I could thank him for the information, the door closed, and I tried to decide whether Charlie was crazy or an absolute genius. I had been planning on taking her to a nicer restaurant in town, but her father provided me with something more personal, but… cooking? Me? The most I had done in over a hundred years was reheating pizza for Bella. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and clicked the internet feature, going quickly to Google and typing in 'chicken cacciatore recipe'. After finding a very descriptive one, I propped my phone up and grabbed all the necessary items from the refrigerator and pantry. I set to work, following the thorough instructions meticulously, not wanting to mess it up.

I was so wrapped up in straining the noodles and watching all the pans on the stove that I didn't notice Bella come into the room about an hour later. "What are you doing?"

I spun around, careful not to jostle the strainer. "Making you dinner," I said with a smile.

"It smells delicious," she said, licking her lips.

"Well," I said, dumping the noodles onto a plate, "sit down, it's just about ready."

Bella took a seat at the table as I finished dicing up a few mushrooms and onions. I carefully placed and poured the remaining things before topping it off with grated parmesan. Just as I put the plate in front of her, the oven went off, and I carefully took out the two round pans containing her cake. According to the box, I needed to let it cool for a while, so I set about cleaning the kitchen.

"Oh, God, Jazz," Bella moaned. "This is the best thing I have ever tasted."

I shot her a smile, extremely glad that she liked it. She didn't say much else as I slowly washed the dishes and utensils I had used, other than occasionally repeating herself by telling me how good her dinner was. The cake cooled just as she was finishing her food, and she washed her dish while I carefully laid the pudding on the first layer. I tried my best not to get the pudding everywhere as I placed the second layer down, but it wasn't as easy as it sounded. I frosted the entire cake, and I can't say it looked _great_, but it didn't look terrible either. I quartered a few strawberries from the fridge and placed them on top.

"Wow," Bella said from beside me. "That looks… heavenly."

I shrugged. "It looks alright."

Bella rolled her eyes. "It doesn't matter if the outside looks good, Jazz, it matters about the taste."

"Well," I said slowly, glancing at the clock, "are you willing to wait to eat it?"

Bella arched an eyebrow. "Are you in a hurry to do something?"

"A little," I said with a smile.

"Are we going somewhere?" she asked.

I nodded. "We don't have to stay, but…"

"Where are we going?"

"You honestly think I'm going to ruin the surprise?" I asked with a laugh.

"No," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Can I change first? I'm frying."

"Sure thing," I said. "We have a few minutes."

Bella grabbed the brown bag from the table near the front door and ran up the stairs. I fiddled with the cake a little more, resetting the strawberries and smoothing the frosting again. I still wasn't completely happy with it by the time Bella came back downstairs dressed in a brown sweatshirt and jeans.

"I'm ready," she announced as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Let's go then," I said, making sure everything was put away before grabbing her hand and leading her out the door.

I opened the car door for her, and stood back, waiting.

"Oh, Jasper," she whispered, and I tried to hide my smile. She reached into the car before standing back up and facing me, the arrangement of two dozen red, yellow, and white roses still looking pristine in the crystal vase. "They're so beautiful."

"You really like them?" I asked. "I didn't want to go overboard, you know, but…"

"Couldn't help it?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Hey, I left a few flowers in the store, alright?" I said teasingly.

"Thank you," she said again, standing on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek.

I contained the shudder that threatened to go down my back. "You're very welcome. I was only going to go with one color, but I liked the mixture, and it didn't look good just with one dozen."

Bella sighed and shook her head. "There's no point in yelling at you, is there?"

"Nope," I said with a smirk.

"I'll be right back," she said and stepped around me, heading back towards the house.

I waited for her to put them away, still standing by her door. Once she came out she got into the car and I closed her door before running around to my side, not wanting to be late. I drove to the park downtown and cursed when I saw how full it was.

"Are you serious?" Bella asked, looking around.

"Do you know what this is?" I asked, finally finding a parking spot a ways down.

"Movie night in the park," she said with an amused smile.

"Do you not want to go?"

"I've never been," she said. "We could check it out, that'd be fine."

I sighed in relief. I had a few backup plans, but this one seemed like the best idea – not too romantic, but not too 'friend-ish' either. Bella raised her eyebrow when I grabbed two large blankets from the backseat.

"Am I not cool enough to share a blanket with you, Mr. Whitlock?"

My eyes widened briefly when she called me 'Mr. Whitlock', but I quickly controlled my reaction. "No, it's not that," I said, laughing. "It's cold, so I thought we'd sit on one, and cover you up with the other. They're both big enough for us to easily fit on one."

"Oh," she said, and for some reason she looked disappointed.

When we got into the park, I pulled the hood of my dark grey hoodie up, not really wanting to be recognized. I laughed lightly when I notice Bella doing the same. I scanned the crowd of couples and children, knowing quite a few of them, but I spotted an area where there wasn't anyone I knew. I grabbed Bella's hand and walked to the spot, keeping my head down. When we got there, I handed her one of the blankets, shaking out the other one before laying it on the ground.

I took the other blanket from her and motioned for her to sit down. She looked at me as if she was about to say something, but didn't. I took a deep breath when she sat down in the middle of the blanket, her back to me. I knew how I wanted to sit with her, but I didn't know if she'd approved. I internally shrugged and decided just to do it – it was Valentine's Day after all. Not to mention that I was pretty much in love with her by then. It only took a day or two for me to realize how much we had in common, how much I liked her humor and her witty retorts. She was pretty and smart and goofy, and she seemed to really enjoy being around me. I thought if there was ever a time to just say 'screw it', it was Valentine's Day.

Was I planning to announce my undying love for her? No. I didn't think I was there yet, but I was well on my way, and that scared the crap out of me. I asked myself hundreds of times if I was misconstruing my feelings for her. If I was just clinging to her because I didn't really have anyone else; but every time I thought that, my brain instantly banished the thought and supplied me with a picture of her laughing, and I knew I was in big trouble. However, I was planning to hint at the fact that I really did like her. Not hugely, but subtly.

"Do you mind?" I asked, kneeling on the blanket behind her.

"No, please," she said, looking over her shoulder and giving me that dazzling smile.

I situated myself behind her, putting my legs on either side of her and pulling her back by the shoulders. She molded her back into my front, scooting down so she was more or less lying down, and wiggled around until she got comfortable. I straightened out my legs on either side of her and she rested her arms on them. I draped my arms over her shoulders, crossing them as they stretched down her torso, holding her against me and her hands came up to rest on top of mine on her stomach. Just as her head settled against my chest, my chin resting on the top of her head, the projector started up and 'While You Were Sleeping' began rolling on the massive screen they set up against one of the buildings a few feet away. Bella grabbed the other blanket and spread it out across her legs before grabbing my hands again and sighing contently.

For not the first time in my life, I was overjoyed with the fact that I was a vampire. Had I of been human, the position would have probably wrecked my back, but being what I was, it enabled me to sit that way with her through the entire movie. I watched as other couples had to move around, get comfortable, but neither Bella nor I moved for the first hour. During the second half of the movie, I slowly began massaging her arms, starting with the uppermost part of them and then working my way down.

"Mmm," she'd say occasionally, and that kept me going, making my movements slower, wanting to draw it out for as long as possible.

Just as I was finishing off her hands, the credits started to roll. Bella linked my fingers with hers and hugged my arms against her chest, turning her head to the side and lightly kissing my arm.

"Thank you," she whispered, nuzzling her cheek against me. "That felt amazing."

"You're welcome," I whispered back, kissing the top of her head.

I wanted to stay that way all night, my arms wrapped around her and her cheek nuzzling against my arm, but people around us started to move, and I really did not want our moment to be interrupted by some idiot who felt the need to ask hundreds of questions of where my family had gone. I reluctantly began to scoot away, and I felt Bella's displeasure about it, and that made me happy that I wasn't alone in not wanting to move.

We folded the blankets together, and I was going to grab the other one, but Bella rolled her eyes and tucked it beneath her arm. We started back to the car, both of our hoods on tight, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt her hand slide into mine. I laced our fingers and smiled widely, watching the ground so she wouldn't see how delighted I was. She moved in closer to me, letting our arms touch as much as possible as we walked the distance to the car, which I made longer by keeping my pace quite slow, not wanting to part from the warmth of her hand sooner than I had to.

The drive back to Bella's house was a quiet but happy one. I had boldly reached across the middle consol and lifted my hand to her, an invitation to which I desperately hoped she would take. My non-existent pulse raced as she took my hand, lacing our fingers together and bringing our joined hands to rest in her lap. When I pulled into the driveway, I noticed Charlie wasn't home, and when Bella just got out of the car, I assumed I was supposed to follow.

"I have something for you," she said as we walked in.

"Bella," I sighed, "you didn't have to get me anything."

"It's upstairs," she said with a yawn.

"Well," I said, "why don't you get ready for bed and then I'll meet you up there so that way I can head out after you give me whatever you unnecessarily bought me."

I steeled myself for a moment, wondering what the hell I had just said. It didn't really make sense to me, but, Bella being as tired as she was, seemed to understand something I didn't. She nodded, telling me to give her ten minutes, and then come up. I saw the cake hadn't been touched after she walked up the stairs, so I busied myself with finding a cover to fit over the plate and cake before putting in into the fridge. I walked around the kitchen, wiping down counters and pushing in the chairs.

"Jazz," I heard her call, and I was instantly at the bottom of the stairs.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Yup," she called back. "Could you bring my flowers with you, please?"

I rushed to grab her flowers but I forced myself to ascend the stairs at a normal pace. She was already laying on her bed, turned on her side and I watched as a smile lit her face.

"On top of the dresser," she said with another yawn.

I looked to her dresser and saw that brown bag again. I took it, looked inside, and then laughed. "My sweater?" I asked, taking the blue sweater with a white collar and cuffs out of the bag.

"No," she said tiredly. "I bought you a new one. You aren't getting yours back."

I chuckled and felt the material, which was nearly the same as mine. "You should keep it for awhile," I said.

"Why's that?"

"Well," I said slowly, not wanting to actually voice my thoughts, but I figured I'd might as well, "it's not fair that you have a sweater that's mine, and this one was bought."

"You want one of my sweaters?" she asked, raising her eyebrow and looking amused.

"Does mine smell like pinewood?" I asked, smiling as she blushed.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Well, this doesn't smell like you," I said.

It took her a minute, but realization donned on her, and her blush darkened. "Well," she said, holding her hand out, "give it here and I'll roll around with it tonight and give it to you tomorrow."

"Sounds like a plan," I said, walking back over and handing her the sweater. "I should get running, Bella, your father is probably going to be home soon."

"Would you take me running, Jazz?" she asked sleepily.

"Sure, darlin', we'll go tomorrow," I said, smiling at her droopy eyed expression.

She shook her head against her pillow. "No, can we go now?"

I was quiet for a minute, thinking she was going to fall asleep, but she just became more awake. "Right now?" I asked after awhile.

She nodded her head. "If not, that's alright."

"No," I said. "If you want to go now, we can go now."

"Will… will you carry me?" she asked.

I chuckled. "I don't think you could keep up with me otherwise," I said. "Come on, up you go."

I tried not to laugh as she untangled herself from her blankets and stood on the bed as I opened the window. "I, uh, have to keep my eyes closed, though; the blurriness makes me a little sick," she admitted sheepishly.

A sudden idea came to me. "We can remedy that easily."

Instead of turning my back to her, I continued forward until I was just in front of her. Before she could really take in what I was doing, I grabbed her around the waist, easily lifting her off the bed and guiding her legs to wrap around my waist.

"Arms around my neck, sweetheart," I said quietly.

She hummed lowly and followed my instructions before putting her face into the crook of my neck, her breath heavy against my cold skin. I felt a whoosh of air come through the window, and I realized it was getting colder outside. With her still holding tight, I leant down and grabbed her comforter off her bed, draping it around her body. She grabbed the edges so that it stayed on, and I tucked the bottom of it between her feet and my back.

"This is different," she whispered.

I chuckled. "Well, it never hurts to try, right?" Before she answered, I continued. "I want you to count to ten and take big, deep, loud breaths, alright?"

I felt Bella nod and I tightened my grip around her, waiting to hear her loud breathing before jumping out of her window. My feet had barely touched the ground and I started to run. I ran behind her house, into the woods, easily dodging the trees and low hanging branches.

After a moment, Bella spoke. "Why did you have me do that?" she asked quietly.

"Because I wanted you to be distracted as I jumped; it's high up and I didn't want to scare you," I explained.

She hummed again, but then she was quiet, her breathing the only thing I could hear as I made my way through the familiar forest. Once I felt her relax against me, her breathing even but heavy, I turned around, not wanting to keep her out in the cold too long. I opted to take the front door instead of the window, as Charlie wasn't home yet. I placed her in her bed, still wrapped up in her blanket. I tucked the sweater in there and kissed her forehead, leaving my lips against her warm skin longer than I normally did, torn between staying and leaving. I finally decided it would be best to leave.

Just as I was walking out of her bedroom, I heard Bella stir. "Happy Valentine's Day, Cowboy," she sighed, snuggling further within her blanket.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Isabella."

_A/N – Sooooo…. What did you think? Please take just a moment to let me know! One word or a thousand, I love every review all the same! Thanks so much for reading!_


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just the actor who plays Jasper. The place mentioned within this fanfiction is from my own imagination, and any similarity to any establishment is purely unintentional.

Thank you so much for your patience and your kind reviews, I truly appreciate every single one of you.

**Bella's POV**

About a week after Valentine's Day – which had been just short of perfect – Jasper had another 'surprise day' planned. I'd agreed instantly, not really fazed by his surprises anymore, I was just kind of used to them. Since Valentine's Day, I felt like I had fallen into some kind of twilight zone, but I wasn't even close to complaining. I mean, sure, I'd always hug him whenever I saw him, and I always mumbled that I didn't get the kiss on the forehead I had grown to look forward to every night, but this was different. Jasper was still Jasper, silly and lighthearted and wonderful, but he added a physical aspect to our friendship, and it confused me.

He'd hold my hand anytime we were in the car, or throw an arm around my shoulders when we'd walk somewhere. I couldn't talk, though; I initiated a lot of it, too. We never talked about it, it just sort of happened. There was never really any big 'ah-hah!' moment, no big show of fireworks and explosions. It felt natural, like breathing. Anytime we'd walk our hands just kind of found each other, like they wouldn't be normal if they weren't connected. It wasn't a force of nature, like how I had felt with Edward, it was just… right.

I wasn't sure when I had realized I was on the edge of falling in love with Jasper, but it was true. I loved everything about him – his laugh, his smile, his voice, his interactions with my father. I never really stopped to think about it, because I was afraid that I'd finally see that I was reading too much into it, and I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to realize that Jasper was just being nice, that touching people was just how he was. Somewhere in my brain I knew that wasn't normal for Jasper, but I was always worried I'd wake up someday and he'd be gone.

When I woke up that morning, I instantly reached for his letter, as I did every day.

_Dearest Bella,_

_Good morning. I hope you slept well. Text me when you get up, we're going to have to leave as early as possible – it's going to be another long drive to where we're going. Hope to hear from you soon._

_Yours,_

_Jasper_

Glancing out my window, I noticed it was overcast, so I instantly wondered if we were going to be doing something outside. I thought of a few different places, but none of them seemed right. I stretched in my bed for a minute before finally deciding to get up, eager to see Jasper. I tucked the letter away and texted Jasper, telling him I'd only need about half an hour to get ready. I glanced at the clock and hoped that 8:30 wouldn't be too late to leave. After he texted me back, saying that'd be fine, I hurried to take my shower and get dressed. With still thirteen minutes to go, I ran downstairs dressed in a plain green shirt and jeans to have a quick breakfast with Charlie. I smiled when I saw that he already had a small stack of pancakes sitting on the table in my usual spot.

"Jasper called," Charlie explained with a smile.

"Called for me?" I asked.

"No, he called _me_. He asked if I could have something ready for you for breakfast so that way you two didn't have to stop on the way to the…. Oh, wait, I'm not supposed to tell you."

I put my hands on my hips. "He told you where he was taking me?"

"Well," Charlie said, obviously trying not to smile, "I asked, and he told me."

"If I ask, will you tell me?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Nope," he said. "Now hustle up and eat, he'll be here in about ten minutes."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the syrup from the fridge before sitting down and eating. Just as I was taking the last bite, the doorbell rang and Charlie went to answer it.

"Jasper!" Charlie said with enthusiasm. "Don't worry, I didn't tell her."

I heard Jasper laugh and I couldn't help but smile. "Is she ready?"

"Bells!" Charlie called out.

"Coming!" I shouted back, standing up and brushing off my shirt.

Jasper's face lit up when I started down the hallway to the door, and I admired his outfit for the day – a dark grey button up with tight, dark jeans, and, of course, those black cowboy boots. Charlie wished us a good day and ushered us out the door, closing it behind us.

"Morning," Jasper said.

"Good morning," I said back, sliding my arm beneath his and around his back just as his arm rose to go around my shoulders.

We smiled at each other and he led me around the car, opening my door and waiting until I got in before closing it. As soon as he got onto the highway, I knew we were going to Seattle, which didn't help any. There were hundreds and hundreds of places within and just outside the city limits. Our drive was a quiet one, but it was comfortable and familiar. The traffic was pretty heavy, but once Jasper reached across the consol to take my hand, I relaxed and just enjoyed the drive with him.

"Know where we're going yet?" he asked as we drove through the massive city.

"Not a clue," I sighed. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Nope," he said, turning and smiling at me for a moment before focusing on the road again.

"How much longer?" I asked.

"Two minutes," he said.

"Are you serious?" I asked two minutes later when Jasper followed a small group of cars through a large arch reading 'The City Zoo'.

"Do you not like the zoo?" he asked, sounding worried.

I rolled my eyes. "I've only been once, and that was for a school field trip in second grade."

Jasper chuckled. "Well, I've never been to this one, so I thought you'd like to experience it with me."

I smiled at him as he parked and I couldn't help but make the obvious joke. "I didn't think the buffet opened until noon?"

Jasper looked at me, and he was silent for a beat before bursting into laughter, his entire face lighting up as loud, unrestrained laughter filled the car, like music to my ears. After a minute I couldn't keep a straight face anymore and I laughed, too. He laughed until he was hunched over in his seat, his head against the steering wheel, his body shaking with mirth. After awhile, I just stared at him, smiling as he slowly came back down, small little hiccups of laughter still leaving him. He ran a hand over his face and gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen as he sat back in his seat, sighing happily.

"I don't know why that was so damn funny," he said, shaking his head.

I shrugged. "It's a gift."

He laughed again, covering his mouth with his hand, amusement still bright in his dazzling topaz eyes. "You're wonderful," he said, chuckling.

"Thanks," I said awkwardly, and I felt a blush rise into my cheeks.

Something in Jasper's face shifted, and it turned into almost a tender look, his mouth upturning slightly and his eyes softening. He took the hand covering his mouth and hesitantly brought it to my face, slowly brushing a strand of hair away from my cheek before tucking it behind my ear. It took all my control not to close my eyes and relish in the fact that he was touching me.

"Ready?" he asked, still playing with the strand of hair, pulling it from behind my ear before putting it back.

"Sure," I said, even though I really wanted nothing more than to stay in the car all day with Jasper playing with my hair.

He gave me a lopsided smile, took his hand back, and shut off the car. We met at the hood of the car and he easily put his arm around me from the left, but he did it differently this time. His hand slid down my back slowly before resting on my right hip. I looked up at him and he smiled widely, so I just slipped my arm beneath his and around his back, both of us moving a little to adjust to the new position.

When we reached the ticket booth, Jasper didn't even take his arm from around me as he reached into his back pocket for his wallet. Reaching across me from the front, he used one hand to hold his wallet as he removed a credit card with the other before handing it to the woman in the ticket booth. The ticket giver smiled warmly at us and handed me the tickets before handing Jasper back the credit card. I tucked the tickets into my pocket and we were off.

Having only been to the zoo once when I was so young, I didn't really remember how cool it was. All the animals, the smells (not all good), and the beautiful landscapes of the 'recreated habitats' were mesmerizing. We walked around slowly, taking time to watch each animal for awhile before moving onto the next. We walked for hours, chatting happily about what we liked about each enclosure before meandering to the next.

Jasper bought me lunch at the ridiculously expensive food court, and I tried not to blanch when I saw that a slice of pizza and some fries was nearly six dollars. Once we sat down, he said he had completely forgotten to get me a drink, and before I could protest, he was on his feet. I lost him in the crowd quickly, which was surprising – he kind of stands out. Just when I was starting to wonder where he was, he appeared through the mass of people, his hands behind his back.

"Water or soda?" he asked.

I thought for a moment. "Water," I said decidedly.

"Alright, so the soda gets trashed," he said.

He took one hand from behind his back, which was covering the tops of both a water and a soda bottle. He pushed the water towards me and I raised my eyebrow at him, curious as to what was in his other hand. He smirked at me, and I knew he was waiting for me to ask, so I held out as long as I could, slowly chewing my pizza in order to keep my mouth shut.

"Okay!" I said after twenty minutes. "What is it?"

Jasper smiled triumphantly and sat down across from me. "Are you sure you want it?" he asked teasingly.

"Depends on how much you spent on it," I said, my eyes narrowing.

"I stole it," he said quietly, but the laughter in his eyes told me he was lying… not that I'd believe he'd do something that like in the first place. He sighed. "Fine, you're no fun."

Slowly, his other arm came from around his back and held in his hand was a small stuffed animal.

"A zebra?" I asked, trying to remember if we had even seen them yet.

Jasper gave me a one-shoulder shrug. "It was the cutest one in there."

I smiled at him and took the stuffed animal. It really was quite cute. The eyes on it were kind of cross-eyed and overly large, giving it that 'love me' look, and I couldn't help but smile. I looked up and saw Jasper smiling at me, his face relaxed and his eyes staring directly into my own. I wanted to hurl myself across the table at him, to hug him and thank him for the ridiculously adorable present, but I kept my cool.

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome."

We sat for a little bit longer before wandering over to the reptile area, and I couldn't help but hold onto Jasper tighter as we walked past all the snakes and lizards. He just smiled and tightened his arm around me, holding me protectively against his side as we walked through the tunnel-of-slithering-things. I had to admit the Komodo dragon was pretty interesting, but still creepy. The monkeys were loud and the elephants smelled horrible, but it was all worth it, because the smile I loved so much never once left Jasper's face as he watched the animals moving around their enclosures.

Jasper noticed that there were koalas that anyone older than 10 was allowed to hold, and asked if I'd like to do it. I nodded, knowing I'd probably never get another chance to hold one. I giggled when the zoo keeper handed me the cute little thing, and it wrapped its arms around my neck as best it could, it's soft, furry head rubbing against my cheek. Once the handler turned to give instructions to the next person, I turned to Jasper and giggled.

"Hey, Cowboy," I said as lowly as I could manage, knowing he'd be the only one to hear me.

He looked at me, raising his eyebrow questioningly.

"Wanna bite?" I mouthed, bouncing the koala a little.

I watched as Jasper sucked his lips into his mouth, trying to contain his laughter. He put his hand over his mouth and his body shook with silent laughter. He shook his head at me and glanced around before making a silly face at me, which I laughed at. I waggled my eyebrows suggestively and bounced the koala again, and Jasper finally lost it, a snort of laughter leaving him.

After another minute or two, I had to hand the precious little thing I had offered up as lunch back. I frowned a little, but the minute the koala was out of my grasp, I was in Jasper's, his arm once again trailing down my back before resting on my hip. He put his face against my hair and laughed lightly before kissing my temple and continuing onward.

I noticed that Jasper didn't linger too long at the lions, and I wondered if he somehow knew what Edward had said to me so long ago. I figured Jasper felt my emotions when I thought of Edward, because his arm tightened around me and he moved us quickly to the zebras, which were grazing quietly in their enclosure. I liked them. They were so beautiful, so graceful. We watched them the longest, just standing in front of the wrought iron fence separating us from them as people milled around us, glancing but then looking away. I was taken with them, the slow movements and the way their stripes played tricks on your eyes if you watched one long enough.

"Black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?" Jasper asked me after a long while.

I smiled and shrugged, having never really thought much about it before. "I don't know. What do you think?"

I saw the corners of his mouth turn up, his eyes not straying from the zebras. "Depends," he said. "Look at that one, it has more black than it does white, whereas that one has more white than it does black. What necessarily constitutes as a stripe? Is it the lesser of the two colors? One would assume so, right?"

Leave it to Jasper to take something completely ordinary and make it sound completely philosophical and beautiful. "I suppose so," I said, thinking over his words.

"Do you know what the definition of a zebra is?" he asked quietly.

"No," I said.

He finally looked down at me and smiled. "Would you think it would tell you whether or not it's white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

"One would assume so," I said, smiling back.

"One would be wrong," he said with a chuckle. "According to the dictionary, a zebra is an animal resembling a horse that has a black-and-white or brown-and-white striped hide."

"So," I said slowly, processing what he had just said, "it's actually not a solid color, but just striped?"

"Something like that," he said. "Want to know something I find interesting, though?"

"Of course," I said, always interested in whatever he had to say.

"The zebra butterfly," he said, looking back at the dozen or so zebras, "according to the dictionary, is a black butterfly marked with distinctive yellow stripes."

I raised my eyebrow, still watching his face. "Well, that doesn't really make any sense."

Jasper smiled thoughtfully. "Precisely. Nearly all the other animals or different kinds of tropical woods they use for furniture are called 'striped' rather than giving it a color of solidarity and then a color to the 'stripes'. Just a little something I thought I'd pass on. I've always found it amusing."

In my biggest cover-up yet, I held back my emotions with everything I had in me, because, in that moment, with Jasper spouting off useless information about zebras and stripes, I realized I was completely in love with him. It could have been the way his face lit when he was talking, or perhaps how he smiled just ever-so-slightly as he bestowed silly facts onto me, or maybe it was how his fingers absently began stroking the skin between my shirt and my jeans when he finished… I was lost in a whirlwind of nothing but him. The zebras faded into the background, the other people within the zoo slowly disappearing, and the only thing I saw was Jasper, the man I had grown to love. In that moment, I was terrified.

_A/N – Please take just a moment out to review! It always makes me really, really happy. Thanks!_


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper.

Thank you so much for sticking with me here. I know it's been ages since I've updated, and mainly it's because real life has gotten in my way. I know some of you are frustrated that they haven't kissed yet, but just hold out for me, okay? It's coming up soon, I promise.

**Jasper's POV**

It was time.

I felt like Bella deserved to hear what I had been putting off for so long – my story. The entire, horrible, uninhibited truth of my past. But I didn't want to just start off with 'oh, hey, by the way…' and go from there. So, I decided to take her somewhere, show her a little of my human past before telling her about my vampire one. I'd been thinking about it for the past two months (starting when I had taken her to the diner where Carlisle and I used to go), wondering when the right time would be. There had been many opportunities, many times I just wanted to get it out and watch as she slowly walked away from me, her eyes wide with fear.

But as I slowly fell deeper and deeper in love with Bella, I realized I needed to know if she would still want to be around me after telling her who I was back then. Some days I didn't even want to know me just based on my past. But I figured I'd leave that up to her. I just hoped she wouldn't think of me any differently, because I didn't know what I'd do if she did.

I was in too deep by that point; I wouldn't have been able to leave even if I had wanted to. I was attached to her with every fiber of my being. I still wasn't used to it, that feeling of completeness, of happiness. It had built and built and built, and I was wondering when the breaking point would be; I wondered when I was going to finally cave and get on my knees and beg her to be mine. I felt insane sometimes, wanting her as badly as I did. And the worst part of the whole thing was that I didn't think she felt the same.

Every time I thought I felt a flicker of something, it would be gone before I had time to really notice it, and I wasn't about to ask her. I wanted to, though; more than anything I wanted to ask her if there was any hope of her feeling the same. I figured that I was just leading myself on, letting myself believe I was feeling things coming from her when really there was nothing there other than friendship. Perhaps one day she'd grow to feel the same. It was that thought that kept me in Forks. I was willing to wait for ages for her.

I hated and loved knowing it, really. I hated the fact that I loved her, and I loved the fact that I loved her, that I had found someone that I could connect to on an entirely different level than what I had ever known. With Alice, I had come to realize, it was a desperate love – a clinging to something good as opposed to evil. I had loved Alice, yes, but… it paled in comparison to the feel of how my skin tingled when Bella was in my presence.

I felt horrible sometimes; as if I was betraying the years I had spent with Alice. I wanted to call and talk to Alice, to ask her if she was alright, if she was happy like I was. I wanted to know that I wasn't hurting her, because I didn't want that. Alice may have been the one to have ended it, but I felt like I was the one closing the final chapter to our sixty years together. It was a long time filled with love and happiness and hardships and family.

And so there I was, at two o'clock in the morning of the day I planned on telling Bella my story, with my head in my hands, sitting on the bed Alice and I had shared for so long, wondering if Alice was alright. I realized that I needed closure with Alice. I needed to know that I could move on without the constant burden of feeling as though I was throwing away all the good things Alice did for me by literally saving me from myself. When I made my decision, I reached for my phone, but it was already ringing.

I felt a shiver run down my spine and I hit the 'talk' button without looking at the number and put it to my ear.

"I'm great, Jasper."

I hadn't realized how good it would be to hear her voice. "Alice," I breathed out.

"Don't," she whispered back, and I could hear a certain tenderness in her voice that she had used only when we had been alone. "I'm really, really great, Jasper. Don't do this to yourself."

I sighed.

"I miss you, too," she said.

I rolled my eyes. "I miss you."

"But not like you used to," she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Does that make me a terrible person?" I asked, needing to know.

"No," she said with a small laugh.

"Why?" I asked.

I heard Alice sigh. "You know why, sweetie."

"I need you to tell me, Alice," I said, shifting so I was lying on the bed.

She was quiet for a moment. "Because this is how it was supposed to be, Jasper. I'm happier, being where I am. You're happier where you are. This is what's best for both of us."

"It feels right," I said finally. "I didn't ever think I could have lived without you."

Alice laughed lightly. "It was weird, at first," she admitted. "But it needed to be done."

"I know," I whispered, knowing she'd hear me loud and clear. "I wish you could have told me more."

Alice sighed again, and I could practically see her roll her eyes. "You always hated that about me," she said. "You were right, by the way."

"About what?" I asked.

"That I was selfish," she said, but continued before I could say anything. "I didn't mean to be, it just kind of happened. All I cared about was getting you away from that life, Jazz, and I didn't stop to think about how to help you after we got to Carlisle and Esme. I wanted help, too."

"I know that," I said, feeling horrible.

"Shhh," she whispered, and I felt calmer. "We both played our parts, and when it came down to it, we were too different, babe. I love you, I do, but there was no way we'd make it last."

"I love you, too," I said, and I realized that I honestly still did. I loved Alice for all she did, for all she was, for the things that were secret between just us.

"Tell me you're happy, Jasper," she whispered.

I raked my hand over my face. "I'm happy," I said, and I couldn't help but smile when I thought of Bella. "Tell me you're happy."

"I'm happy," she said without pause, and I knew she was being honest.

"Thank you," I said.

"Don't apologize again," she said before I could say I was sorry for kind of calling.

"Alright, Ali," I said, and I smiled when she chuckled at the nickname I knew she hated.

"Ha-ha, Jazzy-poo," she laughed, but then she became quiet.

"What is it?" I asked, sitting up instantly, knowing what that silence meant. When she didn't answer immediately, I tried again. "Come on, Alice; come back to me, sugar."

I heard her gasp quietly. "Jasper," she whispered.

"Yeah, sweetheart, I'm here," I said, suddenly anxious.

"Don't worry about showing her."

"What?" I asked instantly.

Alice sighed, exasperated. "Bella," she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Don't worry about showing her who you are."

I was quiet for awhile, unsure how I felt about talking to Alice about Bella. "Thanks," I muttered.

"Don't be a stranger," she said.

"You either," I said with a chuckle. "Tell the gang I said hi."

"Oh, they already know," she said in that typical bubbly voice. "They all say hello and they love you. And no, we haven't really heard from Edward."

I rolled my eyed. "Thanks, pixie."

"No problem, moody."

We both laughed.

"Jasper?"

"Alice?"

"I'm going to be seeing someone very soon."

I looked around the room, waiting for something to happen, for some pain to shoot through me, but nothing came. "Really?" I asked. "Who is it?"

"Oh, well, you'll meet him eventually, I promise," she said. "His name is Greg, and he's very sweet."

"I bet he is," I said with a smile. "Do you…"

"No," she said quickly, not letting me finish my question. "No, I don't love him, but I will."

I shook my head, wondering for the umpteenth time how she lived with herself.

"And yes, we've met already," she said, and I had the sudden urge to playfully strangle her.

"Well, that's good, I suppose," I said with a laugh.

Alice sighed and I closed my eyes again, relishing in the fact that I could talk to her like that – as friends, as family, not as bitter exes. We talked for a long time, mostly about her soon-to-be new man, Greg, who really did sound like a good guy. She told me about Rose and Emmett getting married – again. She said she would have put me on the phone with Carlisle or Esme, but they had left to give us privacy, and I laughed, not really realizing how much I missed everyone until then.

"Don't worry," she said, "you'll see us soon enough."

I wanted to ask, but I figured she would have told me already if I was supposed to know.

"Oh," she squeaked, "you only have twenty minutes until Bella wakes up."

I shot up and looked at the clock, noticing that it was almost seven in the morning. "Crap," I muttered, getting off the bed. "Thanks, sugar."

"Anytime, sweetheart," she said.

"Would you mind if I called every once in awhile?"

I heard Alice chuckle lightly. "You can call as often as you'd like."

"I really have missed you," I said.

"I've missed you, too, Jasper," she sighed. "You need to get a move on, sweetie, you need to get ready."

"Right," I said, feeling slightly frantic.

"Oh!" Alice said. "Cream colored sweater and khaki pants."

I growled and she laughed.

"Fine," she sighed theatrically. "The dark blue sweater and your damn jeans."

I smiled. "Thanks, honey," I drawled out, making it comical, and was pleased when she laughed.

"You're welcome," she said. "Bye, Jasper."

"Bye, Alice," I said.

"I love you, too," she said quickly.

I laughed. "I love you."

Just before I was about to close my phone, Alice spoke again, her voice low and serious. "Jasper?"

"Alice?" I said, mirroring her tone.

She hesitated for a moment, and I waited. "Would you do something for me?"

"Of course," I replied quickly, suddenly worried by her change of tone.

"Would you repeat something?" I could hear a pain in her voice and it caused me to flinch. "I haven't heard it in a long time, and I just… I need to hear you say it just once more."

I was quiet for a moment, wondering what it was that she wanted me to say. The first thing that came to my mind was not something she had ever asked me to repeat, and I instantly banished that idea, knowing I had to be wrong.

"You're right," she whispered.

I sighed. "Why?" I asked, my voice breaking.

"I need to hear it," she whispered. "Just once more, Jasper, and the chapter of our life together as partners will be closed. I need to hear those words just one more time."

I closed my eyes again, steeling myself. I still knew the words, I knew what she wanted to hear, but I didn't want to say it, because I was afraid I'd realize I still meant it.

"Please, Jasper," she whispered, and I couldn't find it in me tell her 'no'.

I took a deep breath, hopping back up on the bed and laying down, squeezing my eyes shut and picturing her in front of me on that day so long ago.

"I, Major Jasper Monroe Whitlock Hale, promise you that I will want you for the entirety of our lives. I promise to be whatever you need, no matter the circumstances. I promise to look at you every day and be thankful you are in my life, no matter the role. I promise to forever be truthful to you, while our partnership is still what we both want. I promise to be your friend, your husband, your lover, for as long as you'll have me. I promise to be the man you fell in love with. And, lastly, but most importantly, I promise to love you for every day of forever. My best friend, my lover, and now my wife, I give you this ring with the whole of my heart, mind, body, and soul. With this ring, I thee wed."

I heard Alice hiccup lightly, and I knew she would be crying if she were human. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"It's alright, Alice," I said thickly, knowing that, if it were possible, I would be crying, too. I felt as though I was at a funeral for our marriage. I somehow knew that would be the last time Alice and I would talk like that. When I had said the words nearly sixty years ago, I had meant them, and, in a way, I always would, but Alice had been right… it was time to move on. I loved Bella, and Alice would eventually love Greg, and the world would eventually be as it should.

"Jasper?" she said, her voice breaking.

"Yeah, baby?" I said, more out of habit than actual thought.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you," she whispered. "It nearly killed me to do so… to watch your face in my mind after I walked away."

"It's alright now, Alice," I said soothingly. "There's no need to apologize, baby, I promise. I forgave you a long time ago. You did the right thing."

"I know," she whispered. "It doesn't feel like it all the time, though."

"No," I agreed, "it doesn't. However, I think you made the right choice, honey, because I wouldn't have been able to."

Alice sighed, and I could hear the smile in her voice again, for which I was thankful. "Thanks, Jazzy."

"You're welcome, sweet cheeks," I said, smiling again.

"You really were a great husband," she said quietly. "I was lucky to have had you."

I chuckled. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been waiting at that diner for me, Alice," I said. "_I_ was the lucky one."

She was quiet for a moment. "Was I good to you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"As a wife," she said. "Was I a good wife?"

I thought about that for a minute. "You were," I said slowly. "I just think you need to remember to rely on the present rather than the future. Make sure you comprise and stay in the here-and-now."

Alice snorted. "That was the part where you were supposed to just tell me I was perfect," she said with a laugh.

I laughed, too. "Sweetheart, I couldn't lie to you even if I wanted to. But, yes, at the time you were perfect for me."

"I love you," she said, and I could tell she meant it in the same way that I did – as friends and nothing more.

"I love you, too," I said back, meaning it wholeheartedly.

"Oh," she said, "you _really_ have to get going."

"Okay, talk to you later."

"You'd better," she growled and we both laughed.

"Goodbye, sweetheart."

I felt like I wasn't just saying goodbye to Alice; I was saying goodbye to the life I'd had with her, too.

"Bye, baby," she whispered back, and I could tell she was thinking the same thing I was.

I hung up the phone and just lay there, shaking my head. What a weird world I lived in. My phone played a jingle and, for a second, I thought it might be Alice calling me back, having something else to say. I smiled a little when I saw it was a text from Bella.

_I'm dressed and ready to go whenever you are, Cowboy._

_Okay,_ I texted back. _Just give me a little bit. I'm… I just need a few minutes._

It only took a minute for her to reply. _Is everything alright? Are you okay?_

I curled into a ball and hit the reply button. _I just got off the phone with Alice._

My phone rang.

"Bella," I said into the phone.

"Jasper," she whispered. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not entirely sure," I said, starting to question myself.

"Oh, Jazz," she breathed. "Do you want me to come to you?"

"Please," I said without thought.

"I'll be there as fast as I can."

"Drive safe," I said before she hung up.

A pain ran through me as the full realization of Alice and I no longer being married finally exploded, and I was crushed but happy at the same time. I felt so horrible but so relieved, and I didn't know what to do. I'd known for quite awhile that the marriage was over, but finally being able to talk to Alice about it made me relive that heartbreaking moment in the woods all over again, breaking through the happy bubble I'd been wrapped in since coming back to see Bella.

I suddenly needed Bella so badly it hurt. I needed to see her beautiful face, to hear her tell me that everything would be alright. I kept my eyes closed until I heard her truck pulling into the driveway at a speed I didn't think she should have been going. Her breaks squeaked as she skidded to a halt in front of the house. I heard her hurried footsteps, and she didn't even bother to close the front door as she ran into the house. She tripped once up the stairs but recovered quickly.

"Jasper?" she called out.

"Bedroom," I said back, wincing as my voice cracked.

And suddenly she was there, standing in the doorway, her chest rising and falling beneath her white blouse as she tried to catch her breath. She waited no more than a second before she ran to the bed, clumsily climbing onto it and wrapping me in her soft, warm arms. I was mortified when I began shaking as she held onto me, but I couldn't stop it – the mixture of my love for her and my loss of Alice was just too much for me to handle. After a long time, I felt myself slowly uncoiling, which allowed her to guide me closer, and she laid on her back, directing me to mold myself against her, my head on her chest, her heartbeat loud in my ear. Her fingers combed through my hair, and I finally relaxed against her, putting my arm across her, loving the feel of her stomach beneath my arm.

"Tell me what happened," Bella whispered.

"We said goodbye," I said. "I just…"

"You miss her," Bella guessed.

"No, not in the way you're probably thinking," I said. "I miss her as my friend, not my wife." I felt Bella sigh and I sought her emotions quickly, but I could only find sympathy. "It was easier and harder at the same time."

"It'll be alright, Cowboy," she said and kissed the top of my head. "I promise."

I could have died in that moment, wrapped in Bella's warm embrace, hearing her say the words I had needed. I breathed out a shaky breath, silently thanking Alice for doing the best for all of us by walking away, no matter the cost. I closed my eyes again and breathed in the scent that was uniquely of the woman I loved, and I blocked out the bad thoughts and just allowed myself to get lost for awhile.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked quietly after what I guessed was probably an hour, suddenly remembering Alice telling me to be myself with Bella, that it was the right thing to do, telling her my story.

Bella didn't answer for a minute, and I just waited. "Are you?" she asked.

I nodded against her chest. "I just need to get changed."

She squeezed me tightly and I hugged her back before reluctantly removing myself from her. I smiled and kissed her forehead before getting off the bed and walking into the other room to get dressed in the outfit Alice and I had somewhat agreed upon. I dressed slowly, giving myself time to collect my thoughts, wanting to be completely prepared for what I was going to be telling Bella later. She was waiting downstairs for me, and I took a few deep breaths before descending the stairs. Once I reached her, I pulled her into a hug, trying to thank her without saying anything. She held me tightly and didn't say a word; she just let me cling to her until I realized we'd be later than I wanted.

"I'm ready," I said after a few minutes.

"Are you going to tell me where were going?" she asked, not releasing me.

As her scent filled me, I replied without thinking. "A history museum."

Shit!

Bella pulled back to look up at me, and I closed my eyes, mad I had told her. "Really?" she asked.

I nodded. "I… I wanted to show you about my days as a Civil War Major."

A slow smiled crept onto her face.

"And…," I started, but then stopped, suddenly unsure of myself. "I wanted to share that with you, amongst other things."

Bella raised her eyebrow. "Such as?"

I decided to just put my concerns out there. "I want to tell you my story, Bella," I said and her eyes widened. "I'm worried that you'll see me differently; that you won't be able to think of anything other than the monster I was when you look at me after I tell you."

Bella's face softened, her brown eyes not leaving mine as she spoke. "I could never see you as anything other than Jasper, the sweet, caring man I've been with every day for the past two months," she said quietly. "I know you now, and that's all that matters to me. Would I like to know about your past? Yes, I honestly would. I can't promise I won't react to it, but I would never walk away from you because of who you _used_ to be, Jazz."

I hugged her again, feeling reassured but still nervous. No matter what happened, I knew the road I was going down. I just hoped it wasn't a dead-end.

_A/N – Once again, I am extremely sorry about the delayed update. But please take just a moment out to review. It means more than anything. Thank you for reading!_


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper. The place mentioned within this fanfiction is from my own imagination, and any similarity to any establishment is purely unintentional.

**Please read** – A new chapter in less than a month? I know, I'm on the ball! Thank you for all of the reviews, each one means so much. I know all of you are itching for them to admit feelings and to kiss and all of that, and I do promise it's on its way soon. I started this to write a love story, not just a lot of chapters of smut with a little emotion thrown in. Don't worry, there will be smut, but if that's all you're looking for, you're reading the wrong story. Go read my oneshots if that's all you're looking for. But once again, the kiss with be coming up within the next few chapters, just hang on tight and please enjoy this chapter.

**Bella's POV**

I wanted to call Alice when I saw how horrible Jasper looked. I wanted to scream at her, to ask her how she could have left this strong, beautiful man so broken and full of pain. But within the same breath, I wanted to thank her, to tell her how much I loved her for letting him go. When I had crawled into bed with him, he didn't move for so long I was worried he was going to stay that way forever, curled into a ball in the middle of the bed like a small, scared child. I tried not to cringe when his body shook as I put one arm beneath him and the other around him, trying to put my body as close to his as I could manage with the odd position. Eventually, he let me hold him, to comfort him in the only way I could think of. I didn't have the words to say to make his pain lessen, but I tried – God, did I try.

He slowly became himself again, and I closed my eyes when his arm snaked across my stomach. I cradled his head to my chest and I gently brushed his hair with my fingers. We laid like that for over an hour, neither one of us saying a single thing. I had to constantly focus on things that wouldn't give away my emotions to him; how cruel would it be for me to be so selfish by letting him know I loved him, when he was mourning the end of his marriage? When he told me he just missed his friend, I believed him, but I understood it was still hard for him to have that conversation with her.

I wanted to know what was said, but I couldn't bring myself to ask him to relive it. It was obviously difficult for him, but he quickly went back to being my Jasper, and I couldn't have been happier to see a smile on his face when we finally parted. I even got a kiss on the forehead, and I was lucky enough that he moved away to go get changed, because I blushed profusely. I met him downstairs, and I was pleasantly surprised that, when he came down, he just walked to me and hugged me.

When he told me where he was taking me, I was stunned. I had been waiting for him to open up to me about his past for two months, and I was more than ready for it. I knew _my_ Jasper, but I would have been lying if I said I wasn't curious about who he used to be. I wasn't an idiot – I knew it wasn't going to be a pretty story full of rainbows and sunshine, but I was prepared. I knew he had killed people, probably thousands, but that was then. The only thing I was worried about was him; I was worried that telling me his story would make him angry at himself, and I didn't want that.

After another brief hug, we finally headed out, two hours later than what we had agreed upon the day before. It was a long drive to Seattle, the traffic clogged and the drivers pissed off. Jasper seemed a little nervous, but I didn't think it had anything to do with the traffic. After he had pulled onto the main highway, I offered him my hand for once, not waiting for him to make the first move. I saw the corner of his mouth turn up, and, without even glancing away from the road, he swiftly put his hand in mine, our fingers interlocking.

We arrived at the museum a little before noon but the parking lot was fairly empty. Without a word, Jasper lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles, a very faint smile on his face. We didn't speak as we got out of the car and walked into the large, brick building. After Jasper paid for our day passes, his eyes swept the main floor before he reached for my hand and led me over to the directory next to the sweeping marble stairs that led to higher floors. As Jasper looked through the directory, I looked around, impressed by the size of the museum. There were five floors, each level containing hallways that led to various exhibits and themed rooms.

"Come on," Jasper said, tugging on my hand.

We walked up two flights of stairs before Jasper led me through a few exhibits that I didn't really get a chance to look at.

"The Civil War," he started quietly, his eyes sweeping from side to side to make sure no one was near us, "was the biggest part of my mid to late teen years. My father, Anderson, died in the war, which is why I decided to join. I wasn't even seventeen yet, but they were so desperate for bodies to fire weapons that they only asked once. I had lied, and they just smiled and passed me through before calling for the next applicant."

Jasper stopped in front of a giant painting of the Confederacy and the Union firing at each other, soldiers lying bloodied and mangled on the ground. I shuddered, thinking one of those people could have been Jasper or a member of his family.

"I didn't really care about the reasons," he said, his face thoughtful but his eyes far away, "I just wanted to serve my country like my father and brothers. Granted, I knew what the war was about, slavery and what-have-you, but I actually sided with the Union. I didn't believe in forcing people to work against their will. I didn't agree that dark skinned men were less than light skinned. But, at that time, it didn't matter because I was a Texan, and I just conformed to their views for the sake of war." 

"What were their names?" I asked before he could continue. "Your brothers?"

"Grayson and Jeremy," he said, a frown forming on his beautiful face. "Gray was four years older than I was; Jeremy was only about two years older than me. They had joined the war when they were away in South Carolina, helping to build ships for the company they had worked for in Texas. They joined only two weeks before the first battle of Bull Run on July 18th, 1861, which is when my father died. Only Gray made it out alive, when it was all said and done, but Jeremy died at Fort Beauregard in Port Royal, South Carolina in November of 1861. From what I found out nearly a century later, Gray was never the same; he became a recluse before killing himself a few years after the war ended. But, anyway, my mother, Margaret, begged me not to join, but I didn't listen."

I saw his eyes close for a moment, and I tightened my hand within his. He smiled a little ruefully, but continued onto the next painting. I cringed when I saw a dark haired woman, her bonnet muddied on the ground, her white dress torn and covered in blood and dirt. She was on her knees amidst a battle field, a Confederate soldier limp in her arms, the blood coming from his chest darker than his coat. The woman's face was raised towards the sky, her eyes shut tight and her mouth was open in a silent scream. I brought my hand to my mouth and tried to contain the tears that rose in my eyes.

"Keep going," I whispered to Jasper after a moment.

"She had already lost my father, and we both knew that Jeremy wasn't the most… observant one," he said, his thumb stroking my hand. "I stayed in Texas, but refused to not join the cause. My baby sister, Annabelle, cried when I left, her little arms wrapping around my leg as I lugged my bag out the door. I had hugged her tightly, kissed my mother's cheeks, and then I was off, never to see them again."

I felt tears slide down my cheeks, but I made no move to wipe them away, too caught up in Jasper's story to pay attention to my appearance.

"I went through the motions, weapons training and combat preparations. I was good. I didn't really see any combat, and I wasn't great with weaponry, but I was with the other soldiers. They listened to me; they trusted me and did as I said when I had to take charge. Within the first six months, they heightened my rank, and I had twenty men bellow me, and eventually it grew to over a hundred men by 1863; all of them lived to see the signing of the Gettysburg Address."

I saw a proud smile light his face and I smiled too. "Can I ask something?"

He looked at me, his eyes focusing on mine. "Of course."

"What were you like when you were younger?" I asked. "Do you remember?"

Jasper smiled a little more and brushed the tears off my cheek with his free hand. "A little," he said. "I didn't remember anything for years after I was changed. I didn't remember my family, my friends, my life. I knew I had been a major, as I was wearing the customary clothing, but that was all I had until I left Maria – I'll tell you about her later."

I nodded, biting my lip to keep from voicing the onslaught of questions that arose in my mind.

"When I was younger," he said, chuckling, "I wanted to be a rancher. My parents were wealthy farmers, doing it completely without any use of slaves, which was somewhat uncommon and almost looked down upon then. My father used to tell me that you didn't deserve your money if you didn't work for it. And let me tell you, I worked my ass off for only a few cents a week. We didn't have much of an education when we were younger because we worked on the farm, and that was our place in the world, it seemed.

"I suppose that's why I don't mind redoing high school and college," he mused. "We didn't have much, even though we had the money for it. My mother thought that, when we got older, we would be spoiled and ungrateful for the things we did receive, and she was probably right. I appreciate the things I have, and I like to do things for others but not so much for myself. My mother was such a giving person. I think you would have liked her. She was very caring, but very scary when angered, not unlike yourself."

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "I'm sure I would have loved her," I agreed.

Jasper gave me that lopsided grin. "I was tallest of most of my family by the time I was fifteen, much to the chagrin of my brothers. I was 6'1 by then, and both Gray and Jeremy were still less than six foot, my dad about the same. I was proud of being tall, though, because my favorite grandfather was nearly 6'5, and I wanted to be just like him when I was little. He was a burly man, my grandfather. He wore big black work boots and used a cane to walk, but I swear he faked it, because if we messed up, he wouldn't hesitate in walloping us in the shins with it."

I laughed; the image in my head of a younger Jasper being whacked in the shins by his grandfather was just too funny.

"Anyway," he said with a sigh, "I was the baby for almost ten years, and then Annabelle was born. She was just the most precious little thing in the word. She looked just like me." I couldn't help but hear the pride in his voice. "She was so tiny, I remember, but she had this mop of curly dark blonde hair that fell in these tight ringlets, and she had the same eyes as my mother and I."

"What color?" I asked instantly.

He smiled at me again. "The color of the ocean, my dad used to say. They were kind of a sea-green color, but my mother used to tell me mine were the most unique she had ever seen. She told me once that I had specks of gold in my eyes, which meant I was going to be rich someday." He chuckled. "Perhaps it was a bit of topaz, huh?"

I laughed, glad that he could still joke while telling me things I knew had to be hard on him. "I can still see those specks," I said, unthinking.

"What?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, I, uh, your eyes," I said. "I noticed that there are spots in your eyes that are lighter than the rest."

"You know," he said, laughing, "Carlisle said something like that to me once, but I never really thought much on it."

I shrugged, trying not to be embarrassed. "You said once you had a dog?" I said, trying to change the subject.

Jasper chuckled. "Yes – Skipper. I found him on the farm when I was about eight, when he was just a puppy, and I begged my father to let me keep him. He was what we called a koolie, and he looked like a tall, skinny German shepherd, but he was kind of a blue-grey color with black spots all over him, except for his stomach; that was that light orangey-tan color that a shepherd has. He wasn't a very good work dog, and my father didn't like that, but he let me keep him anyway.

"He was still alive when I left, but he was growing older," Jasper said with a sigh. "I loved that dog more than anything, other than my family of course. My siblings and I didn't have many friends, just each other and the Harrison's who lived on the farm about four miles down the road. I don't really remember them very well, just bits and pieces."

"Did you have a girlfriend?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

Jasper looked at me again, his eyes alight with amusement. "No, I did not court any females, and I was still too young for my parents to seek me out a wife. Gray, on the other hand, was betrothed to the prettiest girl in town, but I found her annoying. I'm not sure what happened to her, and I can't even remember her name now, but I know I didn't like her very much. I only knew a few girls, and the main ones in my life were related. What about you? Any boyfriends?"

His question took me off guard and I just stared at him for a moment, trying to come back to real life. "Just the one," I said, shrugging.

He nodded, but didn't push. "Any other questions?" he asked.

I thought for a moment, chewing my lip and trying not to look at the painting that we were still standing in front of. "What was your favorite food?"

Jasper chuckled. "My mother made this kind of stew with beef from the cows in the field and vegetables from the garden," he said, his eyes glazing over a little. "She would fan herself while working around the kitchen, and she would be cutting things here, stirring things there. She made the best biscuits in the world, as well as mashed potatoes."

I couldn't help but smile, amused at hearing Jasper speaking so passionately about human found. "What did you do for fun?"

"My father was very good with wood, and he'd make us these… action figures, I guess you could say, and Gray, Jeremy, and I would sit in the family room and make them stomp around, saying nonsensical things. We'd play out in the fields or try catching fish down at the stream with our bare hands, which never really worked the way we thought it would."

I laughed. "What's your whole name?"

"Well, with my title included, I am Major Jasper Monroe Whitlock," he said with a proud smile. "I guess it would be Major Jasper Monroe Whitlock Hale, if you wanted to include after I met the Cullens."

"Did you ever go back and try to find some kind of bloodline?" I asked.

"I tried, but by the time I did, it was too late," he said. "Everyone I knew had long since gone, and no one could remember anything about the Whitlock family except that my mother had moved with Annabelle after she found out I was missing. Grayson still hadn't come back at that point, so I guess that my mother thought he was dead, too." 

"I'm sorry," I said, pressing closer against him. He smiled a little.

"That's alright," he said. "Come on; let's look around up here before we go."

Jasper led me around, stopping at each artifact in the room and explaining to me what it was, what it did, and the importance of it back then. My favorite was probably the uniform. He said that it looked identical to the one he had been wearing when he was changed, and I had to keep my thoughts off what Jasper would look like in that Confederate uniform… with a cowboy hat… and those black boots… on a horse. My mind supplied me briefly with the words 'sexy' and 'yum' before I managed to close it off.

We stayed at the museum until they closed at seven, never once leaving the third floor. Jasper promised he'd bring me back sometime and take me through the entire thing with him as my own personal tour guide. The drive back was a little tenser than what I was used to, but Jasper still held my hand as he drove, so it could have been worse. He stopped at some fast-food place on the way back and I ate it quickly in the car, anxious to get back so I could hear the rest of his story.

Once we were inside, we settled into the larger couch, facing each other. I waited for Jasper to talk, not wanting to rush him. He stared at his hands, which were in his lap, for a long time before finally meeting my eyes. He looked sad for a moment, and then worried, and then finally determined.

"Bella," he started off, almost too quiet for me to hear, "now that I've told you about my human past, I'd like to tell you about what happened after that."

Before I could agree, Jasper stood up, and I was going to follow, but he held his hand up to me, silently telling me to stay where I was. He disappeared for a moment, only to return with a huge spider lamp. I raised my eyebrow but didn't say anything as he plugged it in and sat back down. As if in slow motion, Jasper grasped the hem of his shirt and pulled it above his head. I couldn't help but marvel at the torso that belonged to Jasper.

He was lean and muscular but he didn't exactly have a defined 'six-pack', he was just solid – beautifully so. But as he turned on the lights above him, tilting the three lights so they were pointed directly on him, that first jolt of arousal slowly turned into horror. Along his entire torso, from his face, to his neck, his shoulders, his chest, his stomach, his arms, they were covered in crescent-moon shaped scars. They were so white I had never seen them before except the few in the sunlight months previous, and I had to really focus to be able to make out a single one, because it was nearly impossible.

Jasper closed his eyes as I took in his body, and I noticed that his alabaster skin hid them well, and only when the light hit them in just the right way could I see them. The few I had seen in the sunlight were nothing compared to these, and the amount shocked me. There were thousands and thousands of them, making his skin look plumaged – but that was too nice a word to use for the pain I knew he had to endure in order to receive those. They weren't raised, exactly, because I would have been able to feel the ones that covered his hands, they were just… there.

I was repulsed and horrified, not at his scars, but at the images that had popped into my mind when I tried to think of how he could have received that many. I wanted to shy away from him, to close my eyes and never look at the bite marks again, but I also wanted so badly to reach out for him. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and tell him how beautiful I thought he was, how not one of those single scars made him less perfect to me. Torn, I chose to just sit there with my hands balled into fists. After having had enough time to look at him, I finally spoke.

"Jasper," I whispered.

He finally opened those beautiful, speckled amber eyes, and I saw how utterly terrified he was. After a moment, I couldn't take it anymore and I held out my hand to him, and watched a surprise look cross his features before he took my hand, covering it both bottom and top between his. He took a deep, shaking breath and began to tell me his story.

_A/N – Please take just a moment to leave a review, whether it be a smiley face or something longer than this chapter. I really do value your thoughts and opinions. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!_


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper.

Merry belated Christmas! I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe holiday. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and added this story to their favorites and/or alerts. Massive thank you to both Helen and Rosanna for looking this chapter (and the next few) over for me.

**Jasper's POV**

Christ, how did I get so lucky?

Bella was so amazing while I told her my story. After I had put my shirt back on, she just sat there, staring at me with tears streaming down her face, listening to every single word I said. She gasped in the right places, asked questions in others, stayed silent when I really needed her to. I told her everything –_everything_. I plowed through all the back-story of the vampires in the south – the blood-thirsty, the power-hungry, the innocent; I gabbed to her all I knew. I told her about Maria, Nettie, and Lucy and I didn't edit my change, even though I really wanted to when her empathy during my descriptions of it became so thick I could barely breathe.

I told her of the newborns I had trained; how I didn't honestly care if they lived or died and she flinched at my hard tone. But even then, when I was in the midst of telling her how many vampires I had killed, how many humans I tore to shreds, she never once pulled her hand back from mine, and I loved her even more for it. Bella kept her eyes on mine, and it was hard to not comfort her, even though I was the one causing her emotional rollercoaster. I kept going though, not wanting to leave anything out. I paused for a while before I got to Peter and Charlotte, waiting for her to finish taking in the horrible images I had laid out before for her.

After a minute, she squeezed my hand and smiled slightly. I continued on, telling her the depression that had wracked me for years, and Bella frowned, concerned. I explained that I couldn't take being around Peter and Charlotte's constant worry and love, so I eventually wandered off. I told her of how I met Alice, in some tiny diner in Philadelphia in 1948. I was surprised that she smiled when I said it was the first time I had felt hope, but I kept going, not wanting to linger on that too long. I recounted the various places Alice and I visited before going to find the Cullens two years later.

"Were they skeptical?" Bella asked.

"No," I said with a laugh. "I didn't say much of anything, but Alice blathered on for almost an hour before she let either Carlisle or Esme get a word in. Emmett and Edward were out hunting so Esme showed Alice around the house while Carlisle took me into his study. We just sat there, and he considered me, and I waited, scared out of my wits. His emotions were like none I had ever felt – a mixture of curiosity and wonderment and family. He looked at me as if I was his son, and it made me feel uncomfortable but accepted.

"I could hear Alice giggling and moving Edward's things from his room with Esme and Rosalie's help – it had the best view, I suppose." I chuckled at the memory, and Bella smiled. "Carlisle and I talked eventually; he started off just telling me his story, but he never asked me mine. He explained to me the dynamics of the family, the lifestyle they conformed to. It all sounded amazing – almost humanlike. It was hard, at first, for me. Alice took to it like a fish to water; since moving in with the Cullens she hasn't bitten a single human."

Bella asked the obvious question. "What about you?"

I shrugged, feeling anxious. "Only a few," I said in just over a whisper. "Alice was so mad that she hadn't seen it, and she never accepted the fact that it was a split-second decision. I used to get so angry with her for taking the blame. It made me feel like she wasn't accepting the fact that it was hard for me. It felt like she was angry at _herself_ because she couldn't always control the things the thing that _I_ did. She stopped saying anything once I voiced those thoughts, so that helped a little, I think. Carlisle would sit with me for hours in the study, a massive notebook in front of him, writing down the answers to all the questions he would ask me about my uncontrollability. I felt like an experiment sometimes, but I knew he was just trying to help.

"Only a few months after being there," I said, lost in the memory, "I walked into Carlisle's office and there were two buckets of blood sitting on his desk – one human, one animal. He locked the door, which amused me, and told me that we were going to sit there for as long as it took me to not grab for the human one first. Esme would come to the door occasionally, trading out the buckets for ones that were fresher. We were there for over six months, and many times Carlisle and I would get into it, screaming and attacking each other. Well, alright, so it was more me trying to get to the human one, and Carlisle restraining me.

"He became frustrated, too, because I would project my feelings when I wanted the human blood, trying to get him to cave in and drink it with me. He was strong, though," I said with a chuckle. "If there was ever a person who could do that, it would be Carlisle. I tried reasoning with him, telling him that it wasn't killing anyone, therefore I could have it. It made me crazy, almost to the point where I wanted to kill Carlisle to get to it, but then I would think of the other people in the house, knowing they needed him. Not to mention with Edward being able to hear our thoughts and Alice being able to see if it would go too far, they would have stepped in."

"Did it help?" Bella asked quietly.

"If it hadn't, I would still be in that room with Carlisle," I said, and we both laughed lightly. "He was persistent, and it pissed me off as much as it helped me, which was quite a lot. When we were finally done, Carlisle hugged me – actually _hugged_ me, and that made it all worth it. I know it sounds funny, but my father was a great dad, and he hugged us as often as he could, and to have Carlisle do it, it just… made me feel like I was home.

"Anyway," I said, sighing, "after that, Carlisle worked with me once a week, teaching me breathing exercises and different things to tell myself when I knew I'd be around humans. He did it clinically, and I think that helped a little, but it also made me feel worse at the same time, like I had this massive problem that no one else did. I felt isolated a lot, which is probably why I didn't interact with my siblings as much as I should have. Esme and I used to do things together, though, when Edward and Alice still went to high school and I was 'graduated'."

"Like what?" she asked, tilting her head to the side, interested.

I smiled. "We would go look for new flowers or statues to put in the garden, or we'd go and find new movies for her movie room. Other than my baby sister, my mother had been my best friend growing up, so it was nice to have that motherly figure back in my life. Esme, over anyone else, kept me on the straight and narrow; I had already betrayed my mother's wants by joining the military – I didn't want to disappoint Esme."

Bella seemed to sense I was feeling a little emotional and she scooted closer to me and smiled. "Well," she said, "I think you're making them both proud."

I cleared my throat, which felt suddenly very thick. "Thank you," I said quietly. "I'd like to hope so."

Bella smiled a little and covered the top of my hand that was holding hers. "There's no way they aren't, Jasper… trust me."

"I do," I said, meeting her eyes, which were trained upon my own, sympathy and something I couldn't quite place showing in her eyes.

"I want to ask you something, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she said quietly, and I could feel her nervousness.

"Isabella," I sighed, "you can ask me anything, anytime, anywhere, and I will be nothing but completely honest with you."

She chewed her lip, and for one second I thought she was going to ask me if I had feelings for her – if I wanted her. And good Lord, I did. I wanted her so badly it hurt, but I needed to know she felt the same, and I was honestly too terrified to ask.

"When was the last time you killed someone?"

I stared at her for a moment, not expecting that to be her question. She must have taken my silence as something bad, and she looked away from me, her emotions telling me she was embarrassed.

"Twelve years ago," I said, tilting my head and trying to catch her eyes.

She finally looked at me again, and I smiled, trying to show her that her question was more than acceptable. "That's quite a long time," she said, and I took it as a compliment.

"Not exactly," I said. "It's nothing compared to the rest of my family."

Bella's eyes narrowed. "That's not the point," she said in a hard tone.

I chuckled as she defended me to myself. "Thank you," I said, leaning down and kissing her knuckles.

"Was it…," she started, but then stopped.

"What?" I asked, curious.

"Was it around here?" she asked quietly.

"No," I said instantly, shaking my head. "It was in Alaska. Do you want me to tell you the story, or would you prefer not?"

"I like hearing your stories," she said with a smile.

I shook my head, amused at her astonishing acceptability. "Well," I started slowly, "like I said, it was twelve years ago, and we were in Anchorage, Alaska. I had wondered off, just walking around aimlessly, and I honestly wasn't thirsty at all. I came across a couple in the woods, a man and a woman, and they were arguing. The man was screaming at her, telling her she was an idiot for forgetting her backpack in the car, even though he had his."

I didn't notice I was gripping her hand a little harder than I should have been until she squeezed mine back; I instantly relaxed my hand.

"Sorry," I mumbled, and she just shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I sat up in a tree as he berated her for a good twenty minutes, and she started crying, and he yelled at her about that, too. The next thing I knew, he hit her across the face." Bella gasped. "Yeah, it was really bad. She apologized to him, and that just pissed me off even more. He hit her again, and I had to restrain myself from jumping down. She eventually crumbled to the ground and begged him to forgive her, but he just kicked her in the stomach; that was when I snapped."

I took a moment to collect myself when I felt venom pool in my mouth from just the thought of the man hitting the woman again.

"What happened next?" Bella asked in just over a whisper.

"I got out of the tree and started on the trail about a hundred feet back, deciding to pretend to be a fellow hiker. When I came upon them again, he was still kicking her and screaming at her, but it was obvious she was unconscious."

"Did he…?" Bella started, but then shook her head, seeming to banish some thought from her mind.

"Did he kill her? Is that what you were going to ask?"

Bella nodded, her eyes glazing over with moisture.

"Yes," I said quietly, sadly. "I still blame myself sometimes, for not having stepped in sooner."

"It wasn't your fault," she said thickly.

"I could have prevented it," I said through gritted teeth. "I could have taken him out in less than a second, and whoever that woman was could have stayed alive."

"Jazz," Bella whispered. Her hand not holding mine slowly began rubbing my arm. "You did what you thought was the right thing. Please, don't do this to yourself."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, focusing on her hand that was trailing my arm – up and down, back and forth. It slowed my brain and I let the feel of her fingertips calm me.

"I'm sorry," I said for what seemed like the fiftieth time.

"Please don't apologize," she said, giving me a small smile. "Tell me the rest of your story, if you can."

I nodded and cleared my throat. "When I could only hear one heartbeat, I lost control and pounced, tackling the man from behind. He screamed out in rage, trying to throw his fists back at me, but it did nothing. I let him try and fight me for a minute, but I looked over at the woman and my mind went blank. I killed him, obviously. I was planning on making it slow and horrible for him, but I just wanted revenge for the young woman. See, she had the same tight ringlets as my baby sister did, even though they were brown, and I had the image of Annabelle in my mind as I bit him.

"It was only painful for him for a moment," I said with a sigh. "Alice showed up just as I was disposing of the evidence, and she was raging mad. She started to blame herself again, and I growled at her, which scared her silent. 'Not now,' I told her, and she backed off for a minute, for which I was thankful. She had seen it, and tried to call, but I had no phone service, so she ran as fast as she could, but she wasn't fast enough."

"What happened next?" Bella asked when I didn't continue.

I sighed. "Alice and I fought; it was the worst fight we had ever had. We were screaming and growling and I was so mad that I punched a tree and it fell between us. We carried on, though, even with the massive tree blocking our view of each other. After awhile she finally scrambled over the tree and slammed me to the ground and told me to shut up. We didn't talk for awhile, but it all evened out… eventually."

I left out the part where Alice and I had had sex in the woods, that she had silenced me with rough kisses and raw, angry lust. However, I think Bella assumed it, because she blushed and looked away from me. Everything I had told her was the truth, though, including the part about how Alice and I didn't talk for awhile.

"I left," I said, clearing my throat. "After that, I left for a few months, angry at having lost control like that. I became quiet, withdrawn, not talking to anyone at all. I ran the country for a few weeks before staying with Peter and Charlotte for awhile, but I eventually tired of having to feed off animals while they fed off humans."

"You didn't though?" Bella asked.

I shook my head. "I was too mortified with myself after what happened in the woods," I said. "I thought about it; thought about converting back to the old way of life, but Carlisle's voice was too strong in my head. When I went back, things were still a little strained between almost everyone and me, but it was mostly my fault. No one said much to me about it, and it festered, I suppose. Alice and I were still distant, and that was the beginning of the end, now that I think about it. But, anyway, Carlisle worked with me more than usual, which was fine; I liked having something to do."

Bella smiled at me, and I couldn't help mirroring it. "Where was your favorite place to live?" she asked me, and I was thankful for the subject change.

Had she of asked me that a few months ago, I would have said Texas, where the heat was nearly tangible, the skies blue and the people polite, but as it was... "Here," I said.

I didn't elaborate, knowing the sole reason for my answer was because it was where she was.

"Me, too," she said, smiling.

"What about Phoenix?" I asked.

Bella shrugged. "Forks has grown on me," she said, and I wondered if she was being completely honest with me.

When she didn't elaborate, I spoke up. "Did you like Jacksonville?"

"You remembered that?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"Bella," I said with a sigh, "I remember _everything_, even if I don't really want to."

"Oh," she said. "Well, Jacksonville was alright, I guess. A little too humid for my tastes."

I smiled when her nose crinkled as she made a face. "I've only been to Florida a few times – it's too sunny for my kind."

Bella chuckled. "It rained most of the time I was there, but the weather was pretty unpredictable. It was actually a lot cloudier than what I thought it would have been."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "You should go with me sometime."

"Sure," I said, shrugging. "We'd have to drive, though, I wouldn't want to risk it being sunny, and the airport not having an overhang long enough to cover the sidewalk outside. Carlisle and I had to wait for three hours once – that was kind of funny."

"We could always take an evening flight," she said, and I shook my head, feeling kind of stupid.

"Good point," I said. "I'm just so used to being in a car with you every day, and usually it's in the daylight."

Bella smiled at me. "I wouldn't be opposed to driving that far with you, though."

"No?" I asked, quickly calculating that it would take at least a few days with very little stopping.

"Nope," she said. "I like being in the car with you."

I saw a light flush creep into her cheeks and I sought her emotions again, but I could only find contentment. I had to bite my lip to keep from asking her why she was closing off her emotions. It was frustrating, knowing she had to be doing it purposely. It was her business, though.

"So," I said, "when do you want to go?"

"How about now?" she asked.

I stared at her for a moment, and she started to laugh. I rolled my eyes at her, chuckling.

"If we went now, darlin', we wouldn't be back in time to go to that club on opening night like you wanted to."

Bella's laughter stopped and she looked at me, wide-eyed. Hah! I felt a spike of excitement, and… no. It couldn't have been… Could it? I swear I found a spark of arousal, but quickly pushed it aside, thinking it had to have been coming from the thoughts that were brought to the forefront of my mind – her in that damn outfit.

"I almost forgot!" she said, taking me away from my thoughts. "Is that _this_ week?"

I chuckled. "Three days," I said. Not that I had been counting… Well, alright, perhaps a little.

"Oh, shit," she mumbled, and I laughed. "What?"

"It's not often I hear you curse," I explained.

"Sorry," she said.

I shrugged. "I don't mind it."

"You still want to go, right?" I asked, almost hoping she would say she didn't. I really did not think I could handle seeing her in that outfit.

She smiled widely at me and I knew I was in trouble. "Of course I do, Cowboy. You have to teach me to dance, remember?"

I nodded. "I remember," I said quietly, giving her a sideways grin.

We were quiet for a little while after that, both of us lost in our own thoughts. She stared at our joined hands, and I stared at her, thinking about how much she amazed me. It had been a hectic, emotional day for the both of us, and she could still smile and tell me how much she wanted to do things with me.

"Thank you, Bella," I whispered after quite some time.

"For what?" she asked, finally looking up to meet my gaze.

What did I want to thank her for? For being strong when I was not? For crying when I told her the things that had hurt me? For sticking with me throughout the emotional rollercoaster that was my story? For existing?

"For listening," I said lowly. "For not running away screaming when I told you the horrible things I did."

Bella smiled a little. "You're welcome, Jasper."

I could feel her indecision. "What?"

"What?" she asked back.

"What are you thinking about?"

She chewed her bottom lip and just looked at me. Without a word, she pulled her hand from mine and moved around until she was kneeling on the couch. I looked at her questioningly, but she didn't say a word. Slowly, she shuffled toward me, and I finally understood her intent. I turned slightly, letting my back rest against the arm of the couch, and I propped one leg up and across the length of the sofa. I lifted my arm and Bella smiled.

She wedged herself between the back of the sofa and me, turning on her side so she could snuggle into mine. She wiggled around until she was comfortable, her head on my chest and her arm across my stomach. I had to contain the groan that threatened to leave my throat when she hooked her leg over mine and slid it closer to her until it settled between both of her warm legs. I wrapped my arm around her tightly, holding her to me and resting my cheek against her head, breathing in her intoxicating smell. My left hand found hers that was on my stomach and I twined our fingers together, wanting to touch as much of her as I could.

"Thank you," she whispered, stroking my thumb with hers.

"For what?" I whispered back, gently playing with the ends of her silky hair.

"For telling me your story," she said.

I smiled and closed my eyes. "It was my pleasure, darlin'."

We fell into a comfortable silence, but my mind was racing. I kept thinking of how I was going to go dancing with her and be able to keep my body unresponsive. I realized it was going to be damn near impossible.

Shit, shit, _shit_!

_A/N – Please take just a moment out to review! Whether it be one word or a million, I absolutely love them all! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!_


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper. The place mentioned within this fanfiction is from my own imagination, and any similarity to any establishment is purely unintentional.

**Warning – I know some of you are saying 'finally', but this is just a cautionary warning. Provocative themes.**

_Previously on Left Alone, To Be Together – __**Jasper's POV**_

We fell into a comfortable silence, but my mind was racing. I kept thinking of how I was going to go dancing with her and be able to keep my body unresponsive. I realized it was going to be damn near impossible.

Shit, shit, _shit_!

**Bella's POV**

Shit, shit, _shit_!

I had completely forgotten about the club! Well, I mean, I hadn't _forgotten_, exactly, I just didn't realize it was so soon! I had been so caught up in Jasper that the weeks had flown by. But as I laid on the couch with Jasper, practically on top of him, the club was the furthest thing from my mind. I had to constantly think of random things to keep my mind away from the images of his bare chest and stomach. It was hard, seeing as I was pressed so close against it, only a thin shirt separating his skin and me.

We stayed that way for hours, neither one of us saying anything. Occasionally we would shift a little, but not enough to put any kind of space between us. His hand would rub up and down my arm or he'd hug me to him tighter, not that I was complaining. The only time I felt myself slip was when his hand raked into my hair and he ran his fingers through it from top to bottom. That, and when he brushed his nose over the top of my head, smelling my hair while his fingertips stroked the skin between my blouse and jeans. Or when he let my hand go to push hair away from my face and he let me make indistinguishable circles and patterns along his stomach.

At about midnight, Jasper sighed heavily and I knew the words that were going to come out of his mouth before he said them.

"We need to get you home," he said quietly against the top of my head.

"I know," I sighed. "Charlie's probably waiting up."

Jasper chuckled lightly. "More than likely," he said. "Want me to drive you home?"

"I have my truck," I reminded him.

"I know," he said, tugging at the ends of my hair. "I was kind of hoping you'd let me drive you home."

I hummed when he started running his hand over the top of my head. "Do you want to drive my truck or are we taking your car?"

He thought about it for a minute, his hand still sliding over my hair. "We'll just take your truck," he said finally. "I'd have to bring it back anyway, so there'd be no point, really."

"Okay," I said, but I made no move to get up, nor did Jasper.

After another half an hour, his hand stilled on me and I opened my eyes. "Bella," he said quietly, "we really need to be going."

I sighed and nodded against his chest, still reluctant to move. I squeezed him tightly and forced myself to get up. But just before I was completely up, Jasper pulled me back down, and I couldn't help but smile. Both his arms wrapped around me and he held me close for a moment before releasing me.

But that was three days ago.

Today, I was going to the club with Jasper.

Shit, shit, _shit_!

I stared at myself in the mirror, clad in the outfit I'd be wearing, critiquing my appearance. I suddenly felt self-conscious now that I wasn't in the dressing rooms with Jasper's voice in my head telling me that I looked stunning. I took in a few shaky breaths, the laughter from downstairs reminding me that Jasper was waiting. He was talking to Charlie, both of them rambling on about the baseball game they had tickets for. Jasper had bought three of them yesterday, and Charlie couldn't have been happier about having front row seats to his favorite team's first game.

I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair, and decided to complete the outfit with braided pigtails. I chuckled at myself after I was finished and had put on the hat – I looked kind of hot. I put a small amount of make-up on, hoping it would make me feel even prettier. It worked a little, and I sprayed myself a bit more than normal with my perfume before taking a deep breath and walking downstairs.

"Hot damn!"

I rolled my eyes at Charlie, who was standing in the kitchen with Jasper, who looked so gorgeous that I had to avert my eyes. He was wearing the outfit he had shown me a few months ago – a fitted, two-toned blue plaid button up, those tight, black jeans as well as his boots and hat, his curly hair sticking out and framing his glowing face. He looked… just… wow. Charlie whistled at me and fanned himself.

"Dad," I groaned.

"Yeehaw, cowgirl," Charlie said, and I covered my face with my hands as he laughed.

"Are you ready?" I asked Jasper, who was trying very hard to contain his laughter.

"Wait, I need a picture!" Charlie said, turning around and grabbing my digital camera from the counter behind him.

"No!" I said instantly, but then Charlie's face fell a little. I sighed dramatically. "_Fine_, Dad!"

Charlie smile again and he pushed on Jasper's shoulder.

"Go on," Charlie said when Jasper didn't move.

"Me?" Jasper asked, looking surprised.

"Yes, you're taking my little girl out, aren't you?" he asked. "I never got any pictures from the prom she went to – not that I would have really wanted them – but that's not the point."

I rolled my eyes and nodded at Jasper, who walked over to me slowly, looking confused.

"Oh, come on," Charlie said with a sigh, "get closer. There you go!"

Jasper put his arm loosely around my shoulders and looked down at me, raising his eyebrow. I shrugged.

"Bella, Jasper," Charlie said, sounding frustrated. "Seriously, I need a good picture to send to Renée, so look cutesy."

I snorted with laughter, my father saying the word 'cutesy' just too much. I sighed and put my arm around Jasper's back, pulling him a little closer. I heard Charlie heave out a breath and Jasper shook with quiet laughter. In a move that surprised me, Jasper turned towards me and pulled me flush against him, his arms circling around my waist. I formed my arms to his and my hands rested on his biceps, and we both turned to look at Charlie, whose mouth was hanging open.

"Renée is going to _love_ this," Charlie said and turned the camera on.

Jasper held me tighter and I couldn't help but smile, and then a flash went off. I blinked a few times, trying to clear the spots from my vision. Before I had time to get them all away, Jasper held me tighter and leaned into me, causing me to fall back, and Charlie chuckled and I looked over to him. Jasper stood back up a little, but his hand fisted my shirt and he kept the pressure on it so I couldn't follow him up. I rolled my eyes when I realized Jasper was making it look like were dancing and he'd dipped me back.

"Fantastic!" Charlie said as another flash went off.

I laughed as Jasper pulled me back up. Before I had time to say anything, Jasper stepped away from me and grabbed my hand. I looked at him questioningly, but he just smiled. He pushed on my hip a little and I turned to face my father again, and Jasper stepped further away from me, our arms becoming a tight line between us. I realized what he wanted me to do and I flushed slightly, worried about falling. He gave me a look that clearly said 'I'll catch you' and I sighed.

I twirled toward him, both his and my arm wrapping around me until I felt my back against his chest, and I saw another flash. Jasper pushed on my hip again and I made to twirl back out, but Jasper side-stepped me halfway through and brought our arms around my head, causing me to spin beneath them. I laughed loudly as Jasper grabbed me around the waist and dipped me back again, smiling widely at me as my leg involuntarily hitched up, my knee sliding halfway up his leg. Another flash.

I giggled as Jasper grabbed both of my hands and stepped into me while pulling my arms, causing me to meet him halfway, but he faked to the side last minute, and then pulled away before doing the same thing, just going to the other side. Another flash. The third time he went in, he ducked beneath our arms, one of his going behind my head and he slowly walked to the side until his hand met mine. Another flash. He pulled me toward him, and I was ready this time – I easily ducked beneath his arm as he spun me – another flash – and walked around to catch me again.

We were both laughing as Jasper and I did a double spin, both our arms high in the air as we turned beneath them – another flash. I was laughing so hard I had to lean on Jasper for support and he put his arm around me to keep me upright. Another flash.

"Dad!" I said through my giggles. "Enough already!"

I saw that Charlie was laughing too. "Good job, Bells! You didn't fall once!"

I wanted to shoot him a glare, but I knew he was just being goofy. "Yeah, thanks to Jasper's mad dance skills."

Jasper shrugged modestly beside me. "Just a few things I picked up."

Charlie laughed. "No, you two look great!"

"Thanks, Dad," I said, still smiling. "Is Mom going to be happy with the pictures?"

"Oh, I'd say so," he said. "Come have a look."

"Hang on," Jasper said, walking towards Charlie. "Let me get a picture of the two of you."

Charlie raised his eyebrow and he looked at me questioningly. I smiled at him and he walked over to me and put his arm awkwardly around my shoulders. I rolled my eyes and hugged my dad around the middle. He stiffened for a moment before relaxing and patting my arm that was on his stomach. Jasper smiled and held up the camera.

"Say 'suey'!" Jasper said, and Charlie and I both laughed. Flash.

"Okay," I said, "now you two!"

Charlie and Jasper both looked at me as if I had said something really silly, but I just stepped out of my father's embrace and took the camera from a very stunned looking Jasper. I shoved Jasper's arm and he walked over to my father, both of them looking at each other with scrunched eyebrows. They turned toward me and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Alright," I said, holding up the camera until I could find them in the little display screen, "do something cutesy!"

Jasper and Charlie both laughed and threw their arms around each other at the same time, Charlie looking up at Jasper as though we were some god that had come down from heaven just for him. I laughed so hard I almost peed myself after I took the picture. My father, as weird and awkward as he is sometimes, is also completely hilarious. Jasper and Charlie laughed hard after they pulled away, Charlie putting his hand on Jasper's arm and hunching over as laughter consumed all three of us.

Charlie and I both had tears streaming down our faces when it was all said and done, and we all three hiccupped ourselves back to normal. My dad and Jasper walked over to me and stood to either side as I flipped through the pictures. The ones of Jasper and I were actually quite good, and I was impressed at how good I looked in them. We were laughing in most of them, but that somehow added to the picture rather than making our faces look weird. My favorite was of the second time Jasper dipped me back and I looked at Charlie. I was giggling and looked exceptionally happy, but Jazz's eyes were trained on my face. He was smiling and looking at me almost tenderly; had it been another couple, I would have guessed the man would have pulled the woman into a long kiss afterwards. I shrugged it off, knowing it had to be wishful thinking on my part.

We left soon after, and Charlie was still laughing as he told us to have a good night and he'd see us sometime in the morning – he had told me that I needn't be home tonight and that sort of freaked me out. The car ride to Seattle was a talkative one, both of us excited about going dancing, as well as the baseball game with Charlie. When we got to the club, my eyes widened at the amount of vehicles that were already there. Jasper eventually found a parking spot and we walked in the door after showing our ID's, hand-in-hand. The club was nicer than I had thought it would be – the floors and tables clean, the ceilings high and the lights bright. We milled around for awhile, and I smiled to myself when Jasper put his arm protectively around me as a few men in a corner leered at me.

Jasper leaned down, his lips right by my ear. "Come on, darlin', I'm going to show you how to dance."

I shivered at his low tone. "There's no music," I said.

"Count down from five, there will be."

I was on two when a loud song began pounding through the speakers. I listened for a minute and then laughed – I actually recognized the song. Jasper guided me onto the floor as 'I Like It, I Love It, I Want Some More Of It' blared over the murmuring crowd. Jasper and I were the first ones on the dance floor, but we were soon joined by at least another twenty couples. Jasper pulled me close, his arm going around my back and his hand grabbing mine. I smiled up at him and he began leading me around the floor, keeping in time with the rhythm of the song. He spun me around a few times and did some cute little foot-stomp thing that I giggled at. After another song they played a tradition 'hoedown' and Jasper dragged me into line with the others and he taught me how to do the grapevine – whatever that was.

Jasper finally dragged me off the floor, both of us still laughing after the electric slide. He leaned against a wall and pulled me by the hips until I was flat against him, my back to his chest. He stooped down a little and put his arms around my waist. I leaned into him and put my hands over his that were on my abdomen, letting him lead us in a slow sway to the beat of the music. I felt my breathing increase as his movements became faster, the feel of his hips and crotch staying closely formed to me spiking my arousal. I closed my eyes and tried to block him out, but he leaned down and put his face into my neck, his breath cool on my skin.

"Jasper," I whispered, not able to trust myself to speak too loudly.

"Bella," he whispered back, and I just barely contained a moan.

"I have to use the restroom," I said, which wasn't completely untrue.

He stopped behind me and pulled away slowly. "Want me to walk you?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I see the sign, it's not too far."

"Alright," he said, not sounding too pleased about me walking alone.

I had to keep myself from running, the knowledge that I wanted nothing other than to continue basically grinding with Jasper against a wall all too strong. I had to walk away for Jasper's sake, or at least that's what I told myself. I didn't want to see his reaction; I was afraid he would be disgusted rather than reciprocate my feelings. 

While I waited in line, I cursed when a slower song came on, and I watched as the couples on the dance floor held each other closer, barely moving about the floor as they danced. I nearly left the line to go find Jasper, to tell him to hold me that closely, to look at me the way some of the couples on the floor were. But the line moved and it broke my crazy thoughts. By the time I was out of the bathroom, the slow song was well over.

Jasper and I danced another few songs, twirling and twisting and dipping around until I was sweating with exertion. We were in good spirits when we got off the floor and Jasper took his spot against the wall again. Without assistance, I took my previous position and his arms wrapped around me instantly. A faster song came on, but Jasper didn't move. After a minute, when I realized he wasn't going to, I took the initiative and swayed from side to side.

Jasper's arms tightened around me and he followed my lead this time, letting his hips follow mine in a growing paced sway. My hands clutched his wrists when his hands moved to my hips, his hands gripping them when I sped up more, loving the friction building between our bodies. He leaned down and put his face into my neck again, his breathing sharp and shallow. I unconsciously ground myself against him, not able to control my reactions to him. He slowly removed his wrists from my grasp and trailed one hand up my arm as the other went to adjust his hat as he nuzzled his face against my neck.

I heard him take in a sharp breath when I purposely rotated my hips. His hands roughly raked down my arms and he grasped my hips and pulled me against him harder yet, and I just barely stopped the whimper in my throat. When he did that, it was impossible to ignore the fact that I felt Jasper growing hard against me, and I felt a jolt run through me when I realized _I_ was the reason he was turned on. With the music and other people in the room long forgotten, I wiggled against his hardness, my breath hitching as he gasped.

Jasper's hands came around my front again and slid from my hips and down my thighs before coming back up, and I was unable to stop the low groan that left my throat. Jasper stilled behind me instantly, and I could feel that his breathing was heavy. I wanted to open my mouth, to scream at him to not stop, but no words came out. I just stood there, Jasper's rock hard body formed against mine, his hands frozen mid-thigh.

"Bella," he whispered huskily into my ear, that deep southern drawl nearly causing me to groan again.

"I'm sorry," I said before he could say anything else. "Let's just go."

"If you're sure," he said.

I nodded and he pulled away from me. I cursed myself, closing my eyes for a moment before turning around. Jasper looked at me as though he were afraid I was going to punch him – which was a silly thing to think, really, because I stood no chance against his marble skin. He gestured for me to walk in front of him, and I hung my head and walked out into the cool night air, which did nothing for my heated skin.

We got into the car and headed back to Forks, neither one of us saying a word. I was surprised that he still reached for my hand in the dark car, which I took more than willingly. I was even more surprised when he bypassed my house and drove straight to his.

_A/N – Please take just a moment out to review! Whether it's one word or a thousand, I love them all. Can anyone guess what's coming up in the next chapter?_


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper. Also, I do not own the song that is mentioned within this chapter.

Thank you _so_ much for all the feedback last chapter. I'm truly hoping that this chapter lives up to your expectations.

**Warning – Mild adult themes.**

**Jasper's POV**

What the hell was wrong with me? I had basically dry humped Bella in the middle of a crowded club! Okay, well, not _middle_ really, but that's not the point. I hadn't been able to stop myself; the way her perfectly rounded backside rubbed against me just took away any control I'd previously had. She tried so hard to close off her emotions, so I spurred her on, moving faster and running my hands over her, and I wasn't disappointed. It was almost like a game of a cat and mouse, both of us giving over to our sexual urges before pulling back just as the other caught up. I had finally given in, I hate to admit. I wasn't completely to blame, though. The way her hips moved, how her breath hitched when I rubbed against her, it was so damn sexy that I couldn't keep up.

I hadn't meant to drag my hands up and down her thighs, but I couldn't resist. I was so turned on I wanted to turn her and take her up against the wall, but I didn't think she'd appreciate that. Not to mention, the gentlemen in me reared up when she groaned and I forced myself to stop abruptly, knowing I would have done much worse to her than just tease. I was planning on taking her back on the dance floor, to put a little distance between us for a few minutes, but she was back to closing off her emotions and sounded so upset I didn't argue when she said she wanted to leave. But I wasn't done with her yet – I wasn't about to let her just ignore that there was something between us anymore. So, instead of taking her home, I brought her back to my house, fully intending to talk to her, but I clamed up once we were inside. An idea came to me as we entered the living room, and I decided to just roll with it.

"You know what, darlin'?" I asked before I could lose my nerve. "They only played one slower song tonight, and we didn't dance to that one. I promised to teach you how to dance, so…"

She raised her eyebrow at me from underneath her hat, looking confused.

I sighed and tried again, a little more straightforward, which seemed to be best with Bella. "Isabella Swan, may I have this dance?" I asked, holding my hand out to her.

"There's no music, Jazz," she pointed out.

I had to bite my lip to keep from speaking; she sure as hell wasn't making this easy for me. I didn't think she did it intentionally, but it was tugging on my last strand of courage. I walked to the radio quickly, flipping to a random station, hoping that it would be a slower song.

"For all the love birds out there," the woman on the radio said, "here is John Michael Montgomery, singing 'I Can Love You Like That'."

The music started with a slow intro and I walked back to Bella and held out my hand to her again. "Dance with me," I whispered, just loud enough for her to hear.

Her chest rose and fell rapidly, but she slowly removed her hat and tossed it on the sofa before taking my hand and allowing me to draw her closer. My arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against me. Her arm went around my neck, her hand splaying along the back of it beneath my hair. I took her other hand and guided it to my chest, silently directing her to open her hand, her palm resting atop where I used to have a beating heart. I covered her hand with my own and tightened my hold around her before moving slightly, and then waiting for her to follow my lead.

I leant down, allowing my cheek to rest against hers as we swayed to the music. I closed my eyes, inhaling her sweet scent, letting it take me over as I led her slowly around the room. I heard her breath hitch slightly as I began to sing along with the song.

"_They read you Cinderella; you hoped it would come true,_

_That one day your Prince Charming would come rescue you._

_You like romantic movies, you never will forget,_

_The way you felt when Romeo kissed Juliet._

_All this time that you've been waiting,_

_You don't have to wait no more._

_I can love you like that,_

_I would make you my world,_

_Move Heaven and Earth if you were my girl._

_I will give you my heart,_

_Be all that you need,_

_Show you you're everything that's precious to me._

_If you give me a chance,_

_I can love you like that._

_I'd never make a promise I don't intend to keep,_

_So when I say forever, forever's what I mean._

_I'm no Casanova, but I swear this much is true,_

_I'll be holdin' nothin' back when it comes to you._

_You dream of love that's everlasting, _

_Well baby open up your eyes._

_I can love you like that,_

_I would make you my world,_

_Move Heaven and Earth if you were my girl._

_I will give you my heart,_

_Be all that you need,_

_Show you you're everything that's precious to me._

_If you give me a chance,_

_I can love you like that._

_You want tenderness?_

_I've got tenderness._

_And I see through to the heart of you._

_If you want a man who understands,_

_You don't have to look very far._

_I can love you,_

_I can._

_I can love you like that,_

_I would make you my world._

_Move Heaven and Earth if you were my girl,_

_I will give you my heart,_

_Be all that you need,_

_Show you you're everything that's precious to me._

_I can love you like that,_

_I would make you my world,_

_Move Heaven and Earth if you were my girl,_

_I will give you my heart,_

_Be all that you need,_

_Show you you're everything that's precious to me._

_I can love you like that,_

_I would make you my world,_

_Move Heaven and Earth, if you were my girl,_

_I will give you my heart._"

I've never claimed to be exceptionally talented at singing, but I did what I could to match his pitch and keep my tone even, and I don't think I did a terrible rendition. I don't know whether it was unseen forces that had put that song on the radio, but it wrapped up my feelings for her nearly perfectly. I suddenly noticed that she fit _me_ perfectly; her slight frame molded into mine so well it scared me.

As the music ended, I dipped her back, slowly, before I pulled her up. She looked at me, tears streaming down her face.

"Did you know that?" I asked in just over a whisper.

"Know what?" she asked thickly.

"That I could… that I _would_ do those things… be those things… for you?" I said.

Had I had a heart, it would have been racing beneath her fingertips, so afraid of her answer.

"Jasper… I… you…," she said but then stopped, closing her eyes; tears leaked from them as her lids shut tight.

Her emotions flooded over the dam she had so tightly built and they spoke the words she had not said – want, passion, lust, _love_. I felt them devour me, and I hadn't been able to deny that I was feeling them, too. My eyes snapped to her soft, lush lips as she took in a shaky breath, her body shuddering against mine. I couldn't help it; I couldn't stop myself.

It was then that I kissed her.

As slowly as I could, I closed the four inches between us and placed my lips against hers carefully, hesitantly. She gasped and stilled instantly, and, for a split second, I was terrified I had made a horrible mistake. What if she rejected me? Pushed me away? What if she wasn't thinking about me at all while we were dancing? What if I was so off base that it would ruin everything we had built so far?

My worries were unnecessary, because mere nanoseconds later she pressed those wonderful, beautiful, heavenly lips back against mine. Her arm tightened around my neck and I worried momentarily about her breathing, which was heavy and sharp. But I was too consumed by her, the way her body pressed harder against me, the way her bottom lip fit between mine. With the scent of her being literally right beneath my nose, I stopped breathing, not wanting to do something stupid in the heat of the moment,

Passion filled the air and our kiss was harder, both of us too afraid to deepen it, but terrified to stop it. I took the initiative and pulled her bottom lip into my mouth, groaning as I tasted her warm, supple skin. Her hand left my chest and knocked my hat off before her hand raked into my hair, holding my head in place as we kissed. I released her flesh and she parted her lips, a clear invitation. I took it, plunging my tongue into her mouth, tightening my grip around her as she whimpered before kissing me back. Our tongues tangled and danced in sync, not looking for dominance, but reveling in the sheer euphoria that seeped from every pore, wrapping us in a tight bubble, pushing us further and further.

Bella's hips pressed harder into mine and I couldn't have stopped what happened next even if I had wanted to.

Her knee slid up the side of my leg and, on instinct, my hand shot out to catch the back of her thigh. We pulled apart, our eyes wide and questions being silently passed back and forth. The desire I felt within her emotions washed over me as her leg deliberately climbed higher. Before I had time to think, I was stooping down and lifting her up, her legs encircling my waist and back, her ankles locking together. I wrapped my arms around her back, my hands trailing up her spine as her mouth sought out mine, restarting our heated kiss. I walked until I felt the wall and I pressed her into it, needing to feel the whole of her body pressed into my own.

With the wall supporting her weight, I slid my hands up her sides slowly, smiling against her mouth when she whimpered. I continued upwards, to the undersides of her arms, slowly guiding them to the wall, my hands moving up her arms until they were fully against the wall, and I pressed my palms into hers, our fingers lacing. I brought our hands above her head, crossing our joint hands at the wrists, gripping her hands tighter as she playfully nipped my bottom lip. My tongue searched her mouth again when she released my lip, relishing in the feel of her before she kissed me back roughly. Her hands clenched mine and her legs tightened around me, causing me to groan.

It suddenly hit me just how much I was reacting to her and I pulled away from her mouth, putting my forehead against hers. Her breaths came out in harsh, sharp pants, and I felt bad for depriving her of oxygen so long.

"Whatever you do," she breathed, "don't you dare fucking apologize."

Her language surprised me, but I ignored it, more concerned with what she actually said. "I wasn't planning on it, beautiful," I growled, instantly angry that Edward popped into my mind.

She opened her mouth to say something, but I silenced her, my lips sealing hers. When I was sure she'd been thoroughly quieted, I pulled back again, placing gentle kisses on the corners of her mouth, her cheeks and her jaw. I paused before kissing her neck, not knowing if I could handle it in my vulnerable state. Bella seemed to understand that and wiggled her hands out of my grasp. I left my palms against the wall as her small hands cupped my jaw, pulling my face up so she could look into my eyes.

She didn't say anything, she just stared at me and I sought her emotions, just barely able to stifle a moan as I felt her arousal. Her fingers slowly raked into my hair, pushing it away from my face before she pulled me towards her, her lips meeting mine tenderly. Her tongue skimmed the seam of my lips, and I obliged her, kissing her deeply but leisurely, taking time to memorize her mouth, the feel of her tongue sliding along mine. I took my hands off the wall as we kissed, drifting my fingertips along her sides, back and forth, up and down.

"We have to stop," I said between kisses.

"I know," she said, but she kissed me again, rendering me speechless.

"We really should," I mumbled, pulling her bottom lip into my mouth again.

She groaned and tightened her fingers within my hair. "Probably," she gasped. "We need to stop."

"Stopping is a good idea," I said, but then kissed her again, and she deepened the kiss instantly.

Bella pulled back after a minute, her lips hovering on mine. "Just one thing first," she panted.

"And then we'll stop," I agreed.

"Touch me," she ground out, almost pleadingly.

"I am touching you," I replied thoughtlessly.

She thought about that for a minute, kissing me while doing so. "Your hands," she said against my lips. "They're driving me crazy. I promise, we'll stop, but… please, Cowboy, _touch me_."

I moaned as I realized what she wanted and I didn't waste time in taking her mouth passionately the same moment I put enough space between us to insert my hand. Bella gasped as my hand teasingly skirted the underside of her breast, and I tried to ignore the sudden tightness in the front of my jeans. A small whimper left her throat and I couldn't help but touch her more. My hand cupped her breast, gently squeezing the mound as she moaned loudly in approval. She wasn't large busted, but it was more than a handful and so pliable beneath my palm, making it nearly impossible for me to keep my mind away from other areas of her body. I forced myself to stop, knowing that if I didn't stop at that moment I wouldn't be able to. And, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew she wouldn't stop until I did. I broke the kiss and dropped my hand, putting my cheek against hers, my lips next to her ear.

"Isabella," I whispered into her ear, lightly nuzzling her cheek with my own.

"Jazz," she whispered back.

"I'd like to ask you something," I said, ducking my head to the side and kissing down her jaw.

"Ask away," she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

I paused, my lips hovering over her neck. "I know it may be a silly question, but the gentlemen in me, however far away it may be right now, needs to make sure."

"Ask me," she said breathlessly as my lips descended to her neck, my tongue skimming along a patch of her delicious skin, a thrill shooting through me when the dim burn in my throat stayed just that – a low burn and nothing more.

"Will you," I started, but then stopped, unsure how to word it. I took refuge against her skin for a moment, collecting my thoughts before trying again. "I know we've been with one another every day for the past few months, and we've gone out a lot together. But what I wanted to know was if… if you'd… be with me? Just me? As in… you know… a couple."

Bella was silent for a moment, and I stilled against her, anxious for her reply.

"This is probably a bad time, but I can't do this unless I ask you something first," she said quietly.

"Anything," I said, kissing the soft, sensitive flesh of her neck.

"If we last awhile, and we both agree when the time is right, would you change me?"

My lips paused on her neck and I pulled back. I cupped her face with my hands, staring into her worried brown eyes.

"I'd do it right now, if that's what it would take to be with you," I said, brushing my lips over hers. "You belong in this world, Bella, I've always thought that. You belong with me and me with you. I just need to know you feel the same."

Bella – my beautiful, beautiful Bella – smiled at me and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Of course I want to be with you, in that way." Tears fell from her eyes and she said the words I had wanted to scream for weeks. "I love you, Cowboy."

_A/N- I'm horribly worried that this didn't live up to all the build-up, so please take just a second out to leave a review. Whether it be just a smiley face or a million words, I appreciate them all! I'm really hoping you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!_


	22. Chapter 22

While I could bore you to death with why it's taken me so long to post this, I'd rather offer up a sincere apology for the very long wait between chapters. I genuinely appreciate the time you take to read each chapter and I always love seeing your reviews, alerts, and favorites.

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper.

**Warning – mild sexual content.**

_Previously on Left Alone, to be Together – _

_"Of course I want to be with you, in that way." Tears fell from her eyes and she said the words I had wanted to scream for weeks. "I love you, Cowboy."_

**Bella's POV**

Oh, shit, did I say that? I… I think I just told Jasper I loved him. I hadn't meant to, really, but I couldn't help it. And he was just staring at me, looking at me as if I had told him all the secrets of the world. His mouth was open in shock, his eyes wide and scanning my face.

"Fuck, Bella, do you have _any_ idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that?" he growled.

Before I had time to respond, or even really think about what he said, his lips were on mine again – those beautiful, powerful lips taking full possession of both my mind and my body. He prodded my lips apart with his and his tongue plundered my mouth with a passion that left me breathless. I tangled my fingers within his hair and I kissed him back with everything I had. He groaned as I fisted his hair, and I decided it was perhaps the sexiest sound in the world. All too soon, he pulled back again.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered.

My breath hitched in my throat and I thought I heard him wrong for a moment.

"I'm in love with you," he whispered again, kissing the corner of my mouth, and I still wasn't sure I had heard him right. "Stop doubting me, Isabella. I… love… you."

I laughed a little and put my forehead against his, closing my eyes, trying to catch my breath.

"I'm sorry," I said.

Jasper growled. "Why are you apologizing?"

I opened my eyes and leaned my head back, and I saw that his eyes were intently watching my face. "It's just… hard to believe, I guess."

"What is?" he asked, kissing the tip of my nose.

"That you love me," I whispered back, gently brushing my nose against his.

Even saying the words felt weird to me. Not that I didn't want to believe him, it was that I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that Jasper had me pinned against a wall and we were making out, let alone the fact that he reciprocated my feelings. I felt like I was going to wake up from whatever cruel dream this was any second.

He pulled back further and his eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"I don't know," I said with a sigh, and I saw his face soften. "It's just… I've felt like this for… awhile."

Jasper smiled that breathtaking, lopsided smile and my heart picked up in pace. "Bella," he whispered, closing his eyes and shaking his head, "I… I think I fell in love with you that first week I was back."

I felt my eyes widen. Jasper loving me alone was astonishing enough, but for him to have felt that way for longer than I had outright stunned me. I detached one hand from his hair and brought it to his face, gently stroking his cheek with my fingertips. I leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his other cheek. He turned his head and I smiled before kissing his proffered lips. Oh, God, those _lips_. We kissed slowly, our lips molding together, and I felt like I was in my own personal heaven.

"Tell me again," he whispered.

I smiled and pulled back enough to look him directly in those speckled topaz eyes. "I'm in love with you, Jasper Monroe Whitlock."

And I was. I meant it with everything I had, with everything I was. I didn't realize the gravity of it until I had said it out loud and it was almost suffocating. That want, that _need_, for him was so overwhelming I felt like I was drowning, but when he smiled… when he touched me… when his lips were against mine, I could breathe again.

Jasper closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before smiling and looking at me again. He brushed a strand of hair off my face and his fingertips lingered on my scalp, and I felt my eyes fluttering closed.

"Hey," he said, and I met his eyes again.

"Hi," I said, smiling.

We just stared at each other for awhile, his fingers gently skimming my hairline.

"Jazz?" I asked after a few long moments.

"Yes?" he said quietly.

"Tell me again."

Jasper's face lit with a wide smile and he kissed me gently before meeting my eyes again.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I am hopelessly and completely in love you."

I felt tears sting my eyes, so taken with his sweet words that I couldn't find it in me to ask how he knew my full name. I closed my eyes, letting his words sink in.

"Don't cry," he whispered, leaning in and kissing each of my eyelids.

I chuckled and put my forehead against his. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm just not… used to feeling like this."

"Feeling like what?" he asked.

"Happy," I replied instantly. "Not just… happy, but… _happy_. I feel like nothing is better than this, Jasper, right now, here with you."

"I can't think of anything else either, darlin'," he replied quietly, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "This, to me, is perfection at its finest."

The honesty in his voice left me speechless. Instead of saying anything else, I wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing him closer. He pulled me from the wall and supported my weight as his arms went around my back, holding me tightly against him. I turned my head and rested it against his shoulder, my lips right by his neck. I couldn't resist – I peppered his chilled neck with slow, open-mouthed kisses, loving the low hums of approval coming from Jasper.

I was steeling myself, still trying to get my head to wrap around the fact that Jasper loved me back. That and when I asked him if he'd change me if we agreed upon it, he was more than willing. It surprised me, having been told 'no' so many times by Edward, having Jasper agree immediately showed me how much Jasper wanted me. And, if I was honest with myself, I wanted Jasper more than I had ever wanted anything in my life – Edward included, and I still wasn't completely used to that idea.

I hadn't actually meant to ask him that, it had just sort of popped out of my mouth. I had needed reassurance that it was going to be different with Jasper, that he wanted me at whatever the cost was, my soul be damned. It suddenly occurred to me that perhaps Jasper didn't think the same way as Edward had.

"Jasper?" I asked against his neck.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Do you believe that you have a soul?"

I felt him chuckle. "I think so," he said thoughtfully. "If I didn't, would I be able to care enough about humanity to stop killing them even though the other option is not as good? If Carlisle didn't, would he be who he is? If Esme was soulless, would she have loved us the way she did? I think that, to a degree, the choices we make are indeed because our brain supplies us with what we know is right and wrong, good and evil. However, I firmly believe that it takes a person with a soul to be human, and, even though vampires do not have a pulse, we are at the very least humanlike. So, I suppose it's safe to say that I either have a soul or at least a soul-like… _something_. Why do you ask?"

I hesitated, but decided to be completely honest with him. "Edward always told me that he wouldn't change me because he would take away my soul."

I cringed slightly when Jasper growled lowly. "Bella," he said tightly, "that is the most idiotic thing I have heard in quite some time."

I stayed quiet, afraid I'd made him angry.

Jasper sighed. "Isabella," he said quietly, "in my opinion, it's not someone else's right to determine what would damage your soul. Personally, I believe that it would be saving your soul if it belongs to someone else."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I firmly believe in soul mates; always have, always will," he said. "I believe that, in order to be completely connected, you have to be on the same level. For instance, a vampire and a human are on two different levels, and if you have a soul mate that you can bring to your level, it should be done. Does that make more sense?"

"Yes," I said.

I wanted to ask him if he thought Alice had been his soul mate at one point, but I was too afraid to. He must have sensed something change in my emotions, because he answered my unasked question.

"I believe that you can have more than one," Jasper explained. "Soul mate, I mean. If you find someone you view as a soul mate I think that means they're in your life at a certain point for a reason, and that can be for your entire life or just a short period of time. However, if you do plan on making something work between you and your soul mate, you really do need to be on the same level."

I couldn't help but ask. "Do you think that… that we…?"

Jasper cut me off as I continued to stutter. "I'd like to think so," he whispered, turning his head and lightly kissing my cheek. "Because, Bella, there is no one who makes me feel like you do. There's no one who makes me so ridiculously happy that I can barely believe that they're real. There's no one who I connect to like you, no one who understands my silly humor so fully, or who compliments me rather than insults me, even if the other people did so unintentionally. You know just what to say to make me feel better; you know when I need to be comforted without even saying a word. You just… constantly amaze me."

His words left me speechless, and, with tears in my eyes, I leaned in and kissed him again. He kissed me back slowly, letting his lips mold against mine before deepening it. My arms tightened around his neck and I clung to him, never wanting to let go. But when breathing became necessary I pulled away reluctantly. He kissed my forehead, my eyelids, my nose.

"Thank you," I said.

"For what?" he asked, pulling back to look me in the eyes.

"For loving me back," I said with a smile.

"It's my pleasure, darlin'," he said, kissing me lightly.

I felt a twinge of pain in my left thigh and I shifted a little, trying to get it to stop, but it only got worse.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked, sounding concerned.

"Oh," I said dismissively, "just a little muscle twitch."

Jasper sighed and walked to the couch, sitting down before turning and laying down, his legs stretching the length of the sofa. I molded myself against him, sighing in relief as I stretched out my legs a little. His hand found my thigh and he massaged it gently, and I felt the tension leave my muscles immediately.

"I fell in love with you at the zoo," I said after a few moments of gathering my courage. "When we were looking at the zebras."

"Really?" he asked, resting his cheek against the top of my head, his hand still rubbing my thigh.

I nodded against his chest. "Well, it had been building for quite some time, I think. But there was something about the way you went from silly to serious was just endearing." 

"Wait," Jasper said, sounding confused, "I didn't feel any of that coming from you. And believe me, I was looking for it, waiting for it. Why were you closing off your emotions to me?"

I sighed. "I didn't want you to know that I was attracted to you," I explained. "I didn't think you'd ever feel the same, and I didn't want to ruin anything between us because I loved being around you so much."

Jasper chuckled. "Well, it seems as though we both had the same ideas."

"I'm glad we didn't say anything until now, though."

"Why's that?" he asked.

"Because, I couldn't imagine a better way to have told you other than being shoved up against a wall and kissed senseless."

Jasper laughed and tightened his arm around me. "I can't say I don't agree."

"Jasper," I whispered, nuzzling my cheek against the soft material of his shirt.

"Yes?"

"I know this won't be as pretty as your speech but…"

"You don't have to say anything," he said.

"I'd like to," I said. He didn't say anything else, so I continued. "What you were saying about soul mates…. I never really believed in them until you just said what you did. I feel differently, with you, than I have with anyone else. I have butterflies in my stomach when I look at you, but at the same time I feel so content and calm. I didn't realize how detached from myself I was until you came around, and I've never felt better than when I am with you. It's not like that obsessive need I had with Edward; it's better, because I know that I _want_ you, do you know what I mean?"

"I think so," he said quietly.

"It's like… I feel good when I'm with you, not anxious like I was with Edward. I feel like I don't have to try and be someone else so I can meet unspoken standards, even if they were my own. I used to feel like I had to constantly be better; because I didn't feel like I lived up to the person he should have been with. I'm not saying that I think he's better than you, that he deserves more, because I think that's the furthest from the truth."

"Bella," he interrupted me, "you really don't have to explain that to me."

"I feel like I have to, Jasper," I said with a sigh. "You were worried, before, that you would remind me of Edward."

"That's true," he admitted.

"So," I said, "I'd like to reiterate that."

"Go ahead," he replied.

"Like I was saying, with Edward I couldn't be myself because I felt like I'd never be good enough. I've realized that, since being around you, I shouldn't have felt that way. I should have felt like this, like I was wanted and needed and able to be myself without worrying all the time what you'd think. I feel like I can do anything, say anything, and not have to be completely paranoid about your reaction. I can joke with you, be silly and weird and think nothing of it. The only reason I didn't tell you I loved you was because I didn't want to scare you away."

Jasper hummed and kissed my head. "It'll take a lot more than that to scare me away, Isabella."

I smiled and looked up at him. "But now," I said, shifting slightly, "I can kiss you as often as I'd like."

"Yes, ma'am, you can," he murmured and roughly covered my lips with his.

I kissed him back hard, sucking his full bottom lip into my mouth and biting down lightly before running my tongue over it. He groaned and his hand tightened on my thigh as our tongues met hurriedly. Without stopping to think, I moved, not letting my lips leave his as I pulled my knees up. I realized suddenly that I was straddling Jasper, my knees on either side of his hips. I raised myself up, using his shoulders as support.

"Bella," he panted against my lips, but I ignored him.

I kissed him harder, my fingers going to the first button of his shirt all by themselves. I made it about three buttons down before I felt his hands grasp my hips. For a second, I thought he was going to push me back, to reprimand me for taking it too far… I was beyond wrong. He pushed down on my hips, causing me to put most of my weight against his crotch. I groaned against his mouth and continued unbuttoning his shirt, Jasper's kisses becoming rougher and rougher.

"Shit," Jasper hissed as I parted his shirt and ran my fingertips over his cold, firm chest, my nails lightly raking along his marble skin.

I smiled but then moaned as Jasper took my mouth again, his tongue plunging between my teeth as his hands pulled my hips forward before pushing them back. We groaned loudly when he pushed and pulled my hips again, friction growing and turning into sheer lust. His hands came off my hips, which needed no more guidance, and he grabbed either side of my shirt and pulled.

"I'll buy you a new one," he growled, shoving the shirt off my shoulders and down my arms before throwing it to the side.

I only felt self-conscious for a moment, straddling Jasper in nothing but a pair of jeans and a black bra. But my worries were washed away when Jasper pulled me down, his lips connecting with my neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses down to my collarbone. He kissed my chest and his hands went to my ribs before trailing down to my hips again, pressing me down harder as I continued to slide back and forth along him. I felt him grow hard beneath me, and I went faster, my own desire spiking. I curled my fingers against his stony chest as he kissed my cleavage, his tongue making a circle on my skin.

"Jasper," I panted as his hands guided me faster, his breath ragged against my chest.

"Christ, Bella," he moaned back as I purposely rotated my hips. "You're so beautiful."

I groaned as he nudged aside my bra with his nose, his lips connecting with the bit of skin he uncovered. His hips rose off the couch, pressing him closer against my sex, which was sensitive and aching.

"J-Jasper," I moaned again. "We need to stop or you need to remove more clothing, this is too much."

Jasper groaned beneath me as I rotated my hips again, trying to tell him I was hoping for the latter option.

"Bella," Jasper moaned, his cold lips stilling against my heated skin, and I stilled my hips. "I want you so badly."

"I want you, too, Jasper," I panted. "But?"

"But this isn't right," he groaned, sounding frustrated.

"Why?" I asked, a sudden feeling of rejection running through me.

"No," he said instantly, pulling back to look into my eyes. His hand came up and brushed a strand of hair away from my face and he gently stroked my cheek. "Bella, I don't think you understand _why_ I can't do this right now."

"No," I said, embarrassed.

"Bella," he growled, "don't you dare think it is anything other than my fault. You are so beautiful, so sexy. There is _nothing_ more than I want right now than to do terribly naughty things to you."

"But?" I said again, feeling very reassured but still not understanding.

"But the problem is that I want nothing more than that," he said with a sigh. "When we do this, it needs to be slow, to be at a time where I can focus more on my control, and not one hundred percent on the easiest way to remove your clothing."

I chuckled and put my forehead to his. "I trust you, though."

"I know," he said, tilting his head and kissing me gently. "Please, Bella, do this for me. I don't know if I'll be able to stop without you being alright with that. I'm willing to give you everything and anything, and this is something I want to be sure of. I need to know that I'm in control of the part of me that will always want your blood, and I can't be sure of that if we go into having sex at a frantic pace."

Jasper was so blunt about it I was speechless for a moment. I suddenly realized that, although he was turning me down at the moment, it wouldn't always be that way. He wanted me, and I wanted him so badly I was ready to scream, but I knew I needed to do this for him.

"Alright, Cowboy," I whispered, and he shivered beneath me.

"Bella, do you have _any_ idea what that nickname does to me?" he asked, his jaw clenching.

"I do now," I said with a chuckle, but then I sighed. "Jasper, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take it this far."

"Neither did I," he said, kissing me again. "Can't say I didn't enjoy it, though."

I laughed and shook my head. "Can I ask something? Just to be sure?"

"Ask away," he said.

"When you say 'not like this' does that mean that… that one day…."

Jasper cut me off. "Bella," he said with a chuckle. "I'm constantly worried about you, about accidently hurting you by squeezing you too tight or grabbing you too hard, but that part I think we could work around. It's just the fact that I need a clear head going into something that serious, and there's no way I'd have one right now. But, yes, it might not be today, but I would not be opposed to the idea of it once we're able to move past the franticness."

"I'm feeling less frantic right now," I said with a smile.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Yes, but I'm not," he said, and I realized he was still very hard beneath my bottom. "Don't worry, Isabella, I'm sure I won't be able to hold out too long."

I laughed nervously, feeling a little awkward about talking to Jasper about sex so openly. "Jasper," I said quietly, "I want nothing more than for you to be completely comfortable with it. I can't promise not to get a little… overzealous sometimes, but I promise to not push you into something you aren't ready for."

"Thank you," he said, cupping my jaw and bringing me down for a tender kiss. "I'm sorry about your shirt."

I shrugged. "I don't mind," I said.

Jasper sighed and wrapped his arms around me, bringing me down so I lay completely on top of him. Both of us gasped at the feel of skin-on-skin, the coldness of his making mine seem so much warmer, but neither of us made a move to restart our previous activities.

"Would you like to stay here tonight?" he asked after a few minutes. "You can sleep in one of the bedrooms."

"Would you sleep with me?" I asked. I laughed when I realized just what I asked. "I mean, would you lay with me while I sleep?"

"Of course," he said. "That was kind of why I asked, actually. We'll have to find you a different shirt to sleep in."

"I'll just steal one of yours," I said with a smile.

"You can steal anything of mine you'd like," he replied with a chuckle.

We'd eventually move off the couch and I'd dress in one of his soft cotton shirts and we'd lay together for a while before I inevitably fell asleep. But, for the time being, I sighed and snuggled closer into Jasper's chest and closed my eyes, taking in his unique smell and relishing in the fact that I was wrapped in the arms of the man I loved… and who loved me back.

_A/N – Once again, I apologize for the very delayed update. But please take just a moment out to review, they truly do mean so much. Thank you for reading! _


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